Reunion
by BettyHT
Summary: A prequel that is an alternate reality in which Adam was taken by Indians in the attack that cost Inger her life and eventually is reunited with his family, but the reunion is rocky. Edited version of a previously published story.
1. Chapter 1

_None of the Cartwrights have died despite how the first chapter reads._

_A big thank you to Sylvia whose story idea got me started on this story._

**Chapter 1 **

"Marie, Hoss is old enough now to travel with me. He's had to grow up fast on this ranch, and he'll be fine."

"Ben, I know he is big for his age, but he is still only ten years old. He cannot be expected to do a man's work and take on a man's responsibility."

"He's nearly eleven, and he won't be doing too much. He'll be riding with me, and I'll take care of everything. Adam was more independent at six years old than Hoss is now. He needs to learn to stand on his own, and not have his mother there all the time doing things for him."

"Adam, Adam, Adam! I am tired of hearing of this mythical child who could do no wrong."

That caused Ben to raise his voice to a level so that Marie knew she had hit a raw nerve and needed to back off. "He is not a mythical child. He misbehaved at times just like any child. I was probably far too hard on him. Inger taught me that. We were just getting to be very close when tragedy struck us. He was my first-born, and I miss him every day. When he and Inger were killed in that Indian attack, I thought I wanted to die. It was only Hoss that saved me. I had to escape with the others and save my baby boy. But he is not a baby any longer and hasn't been for a long time, and now he needs to start learning to be a man."

Conceding that her husband would not give in this time, Marie only had practical questions. "How long will you be gone? And what will the weather be like where you're going so I know how to pack for the two of you?"

Wrapping an arm around Marie's shoulders, Ben told her that it would be hot and dry so they would take extra canteens as a precaution, and they would need more bandannas than usual as well. They would also likely travel a bit slower so they would need more food than usual for a trip that should take them ten to fourteen days as long as the weather stayed reasonable. The plan was that they would work out the contracts for the cattle they would sell, and then they would work out a trail to drive the cattle. It would be the first substantial cattle sale for the Ponderosa, and the first year that their primary income would be from cattle. This time it was breeding stock to a ranch further north that had been hit hard in blizzards the year before. Without proper preparation, most of their cattle had perished. Now they wanted cattle and advice from Ben on keeping their stock alive in the winter months. Hoss had helped him the previous winter with the feed and care of the animals they had so he had a good understanding too of what they had done that led to the Ponderosa having significantly lower rates of loss in the winter months.

Genuinely proud that his father was including him as a partner in the Ponderosa, Hoss also was worried for he knew if anything happened while they were traveling, he would be expected to help out and wasn't sure he knew enough. He packed all those things his father always said were useful on the trail. He had a tin of matches, an extra handkerchief, a pocketknife, as well as some beef jerky that he kept in his pockets. He sincerely hoped nothing would happen to mar their trip but knew that out in the west, there was always the possibility of some trouble.

"Will you at least take one of the men with you? Hoss shouldn't be your only backup if something goes wrong. I will worry about both of you until I see you ride back into this yard."

"Marie, if I do that, how much will that damage his confidence? He needs to know I'm counting on him, and that there's no one else as backup."

"I still find it so hard to believe that you would risk our son's life to prove a point?"

"Again, I am not risking his life. It is a very safe ride up to the ranch where we're heading. But you never know what can happen out here any day, and Hoss has to learn to be prepared."

"Well, I still shall be worrying every day that you are gone. Joseph will worry too with not only his father but his brother gone as well."

"With your care, Little Joe won't even know we're gone. You treat him like a baby still, Marie. Have you thought of what this will make him be like as he grows older? His long curls make him look like a girl in those gowns you insist he keep wearing."

"It is what babies wear, my love."

"But that's just the point. He isn't a baby any longer, and you treat him as if he is. Most children at four are wearing regular clothing and have some simple chores to do. You dote on him. If anything, God forbid, would ever happen to you, he would be as helpless as a newborn."

"We have had this discussion before. Our Eric missed most of his early childhood because of the hardships you faced after the loss of his mother. He was lonely and often alone. Our little Joseph is a happy child who can laugh and play because we have no worries like that. Please let him be a happy child for a bit longer?"

"Hoss was a happy child too. He never lost that smile of his that is so sweet. How can you say he lost his childhood? He had me and we were happy to have each other."

Stopping because they had been over this same ground in discussions that were nearly arguments so many times before, Ben and Marie finished packing what he would need for the trip. In his bedroom, Hoss was doing the same and getting very excited about the trip that he would start with his father the next morning. He even polished his boots but laughed at himself for it knowing how dusty and dirty they would be when they started their ride to the northeast. Hoss was well aware that if this trip and drive were successful, his father planned to buy another section of land adding thirty-six square miles to the Ponderosa making it the largest ranch in the area.

The family dined together that evening, and all Hoss could do was to talk about the upcoming trip until Hop Sing brought out the dinner. Hop Sing was part of their family because on a trip to California to hire a couple of vaqueros to help on the ranch, they had met him on the trail. He volunteered to do the kitchen duty. They knew very little of his past, and they had assumed he was fleeing some problem for he never wanted to go back to California and was satisfied with the comapny of the few Chinese who had made it this far west from the goldfields. After Hoss had tasted Hop Sing's cooking, he had asked him to come live with them. That had been six years before when Hoss was only four. Ben however had thought it a good idea especially as Hop Sing could watch over Hoss allowing Ben to do more ranch work. Then when Marie arrived a few years later, she was pleased to find that even in the wilderness she had moved into a home with a servant allowing her to concentrate on sewing, decorating, and gardening which she loved. It also had given her time to take daily morning rides that she also loved to do. The dinner being served made everyone quiet for a time except Little Joe who ate like a bird and jabbered through most meals.

"Little Joe, you must learn to be quiet. It is not acceptable for a child to interrupt a meal and conversation like you do." Said in Ben's deep and serious voice, the message of disapproval was clear which made Little Joe tear up and then start crying.

"See what you have done? Why must you be so cruel to our baby?"

"Marie, he is not a baby, and should not cry every time I tell him not to do something. Isn't it about time that he learned at least some basic table manners?"

"He has plenty of time to learn. He is very smart and has learned much already."

"The only thing I can see that he has learned is to cry so that you give him what he wants. Now I don't want to spend my life listening to him cry and watching him give me that puppy dog look as if all he has to do is ask to get what he wants. Hoss never acted that way."

"And I suppose your precious Adam never did either. Well Joseph is my baby, and I will decide when he has to be part of your hard and cruel world."

Mention of Adam tended to shut down most conversations between the two. Ben had been so impressed with his very young first born son until he had lost him in the same attack in which Inger had died. He was prone to mentioning how very fast Adam learned and how responsible and resourceful he had been even when he was so young. Ben realized that Little Joe was only two years younger than Adam had been when lost. It was amazing to him how different the two were at the same age for Adam had seemed much older at four than Little Joe did. He intended to insist that Little Joe wear more appropriate clothing for a ranch and do some small chores when he reached his fifth birthday. Ben knew how much Marie would object to him expecting more of the boy, but somehow Ben suspected that this was one of those arguments that might go on until Little Joe was married and left the house. He smiled to himself as he wondered how much Marie might interfere in Little Joe's love life because any girl he was interested in would have to be perfect in Marie's eyes. Marie saw that little grin Ben was sporting, and her anger rose. He was always doing that, and his superior attitude irritated her no end.

"Now what are you smiling about?"

"Oh I was just picturing Joe in about a dozen years or so calling on young ladies still wearing his gown with his Mama at his side checking out the girl to see if she passed muster."

Hoss almost had his coffee and milk mixture almost come out of his nose with that one as he did his best not to laugh but couldn't stop himself. The image in his mind of long curly hair on a teenage Little Joe in a dress was too funny. Ben laughed too at seeing that Hoss understood the humor of it and the implications of not letting Little Joe start growing up. Marie however was incensed not only to be teased so unmercifully by her husband, but she felt humiliated to have Hoss laughing at her as well. She picked up Little Joe and stalked away from the table.

Whispering, Hoss had one last comment for his father. "Ya think you're gonna be sleeping in the guest bedroom again?"

"Oh, probably, but it was worth it. I haven't had a good chuckle like that in a long time."

By the next morning, Marie had apparently regained some of her good humor, and she smiled as she bid adieu to Ben and Hoss. But inside she was still seething. More and more lately, she and Ben argued. She was trapped here in the wilderness with no place to go though so there was nothing she could do about that. She did have Hop Sing hitch up the carriage, and she and Little Joe took a trip to town to buy some things. She hoped that at some point, she could take her small son and leave this place, but she would miss having a servant and was genuinely fond of Hoss as well. However she couldn't let go of the resentment at what she felt was Ben's constant criticism of her. He had not been that way in their courtship nor in the early part of their marriage. She did not realize that it was her spoiling of her son that was the only issue that came between them, but she loved her little son so fiercely, she could not see that she was the source of the turmoil of every unpleasant conversation.

On the trail, there was a lot of time for Ben and Hoss to talk in the evenings when it was too dim to travel safely, but much too early to bed down for the night. As often happened when it was just the two of them, Hoss asked about his mother. On the last night before they reached their destination and close to where his mother and brother had died nearly nine years earlier, he asked about that tragic day. Ben told the story as he had so many times before and with tears in his eyes as he always did recounting the loss of Inger and Adam.

"We woke in the morning not knowing how terrible the day was going to be. Adam left to get firewood as he did each morning and evening. There were some ruins of someone's attempt to build there, and we were using those walls to protect our campfires from the wind. Before we could clean up after breakfast and move out, we were attacked. They seemed to come from every direction. Somehow Adam managed to run back to us or he would surely have been taken. Then even the women had to grab rifles and guns to help protect us. We told Adam to hold you and make sure no harm came to you. He did that. He took an arrow in the back protecting you even though he was barely six years old at the time. That sight made Inger rush to your side, and the same brave who had shot Adam killed your mother as well. I grabbed you then and kept you by my side through the rest of the fighting. They began to overrun the area so those who were left jumped in our wagons and drove away as fast as we could go. The Indians were more interested in looting the wagons that were left than in following us. A group of American soldiers who were mapping the area found us that night. They said they had come upon the area of the attack and buried the dead. We went back the next morning, but there was no way to identify the graves. The soldiers had not thought that was important. There weren't even enough graves to account for all the missing for they had buried women and children together. We put crosses on all the graves and covered them with stones from the ruins. We left then for there was nothing else to do."

By the time Ben finished, Hoss had tears in his eyes too for the mother and the brother he had never known and for the losses his father had suffered and the pain it still caused him to think of that day. For the rest of the trip, Hoss' questions were about happier events of the mother and brother he could not remember ever having known. The trip to the northeast was successful, and Ben and Hoss searched out watering holes on the way back and noted where there was grass that could feed a small herd at least overnight. They were only three days from home when Ben fell and was hurt when his horse stumbled and nearly fell. Ben had been distracted listening to Hoss talk and had not noticed the holes from the prairie dogs. He paid for that and his last sight was the ground rushing to meet his head.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

Riding a pony bareback, a thin, tall, dark haired, bearded young man leaped from his horse and rushed up to Hoss who knelt at his father's side. The dark haired man had been hunting for dinner when he had seen the man fall and wondered if he was hurt. He checked him over and realized he only had a bump on the head and would be fine although his head would hurt. Inside though, the dark haired man felt some pain too for this man so resembled the father he had lost years before.

"It's my Pa. We were heading home. Is he going to be all right?"

Nodding, the young man rolled the big man over and made sure he was comfortable. He told the boy who was with him to watch the big man, and he retrieved their horses and unsaddled them, but that took a lot of time as he was unfamiliar with the cinch and straps used to hold the saddles on the horses. Then he brought one saddle over to Ben and lifted Ben's shoulders before sliding the saddle beneath his head. The man then unrolled Ben's bedroll and pulled it over him. Once that was done, he looked at Hoss.

"What name you use?"

"Everybody calls me Hoss. That's my Pa. His name is Ben, Ben Cartwright."

The man stood as if a statue for a moment, and then he looked again at Ben as he lay there. He asked Hoss for his canteen and placed it by Ben's side. Night was arriving so he went to gather firewood. He made a small fire near where Ben lay, and placed the rabbits he had killed while hunting on sticks next to the fire to roast occasionally turning them so they cooked evenly. Then he sat back on his haunches and watched the big man and Hoss. When Ben began to stir, the dark haired young man helped him drink some water. Hoss visibly relaxed then and noticed that the rabbits looked done.

"Hmm, that sure smells good. Wouldn't mind some of that ifn you got any to spare."

Silently, the dark haired man handed him a chunk of rabbit and ate some himself that he sliced off with a big knife he carried at his waist. He had a pistol rig strapped to his right side, as well as a rifle by him. Hoss thought he looked like he was ready for a fight. Hoss didn't see any reason for him to be so alert, but he was out here in the wilderness, and the dark haired man had the look of someone comfortable in his surroundings. Sitting quietly like this, Hoss could see too that he was much younger than he had first thought.

"I'm right glad you happened along when you did. I think I mighta been in a heap of trouble if you hadn't helped us like you did. Thank you. Is my Pa gonna be all right?"

All Hoss got in response was a nod. Once he had eaten his fill of rabbit, and had more water to drink, he laid back. The dark haired man picked up the canteen and came back after about fifteen minutes with a full canteen which he set at Ben's side again.

"You don't talk much, do ya. I done told ya our names. What's yours?"

The dark haired man stood then and backed away. It was the most reaction to anything that Hoss had ever seen. He watched him and the man had no expression now, but earlier he had looked shocked, and he looked decidedly uncomfortable now.

"The Lemhi call me Doyadukubichi'. The Pawnee called me Kuruk because they didn't like me, and they didn't like my actions."

"Those are Indian names, but you're the hairiest Indian I ever saw. You're dark enough, I guess, but you ain't no Indian."

"I grew up with the Newe. The Pawnee traded me to them soon after they took me. The soldiers didn't know I was white until I was older and this hair started growing on my body. Then they 'rescued' me. That's what they called it, but they took me from my home and the people who provided for me. They taught me English, cut my hair, dressed me in white clothing, taught me to use a rifle and a pistol, and said now I was 'free'. I am free to be nothing now. No one wants me. To the Newe, I am white now. To the whites, I am Newe."

"Where do you live?"

The dark haired man waved his arm around himself. "Here. I don't need much. I trade some furs for ammunition when I need it."

"Why did you look so surprised when I said my name was Hoss and that that is my father. Now don't look away, please. I only want to know if I upset you somehow by saying that. You really helped me out here. Buck stumbled, and I guess Pa wasn't really paying attention to where he was going. My Pa and I took some contracts to an outfit up here. I was feeling so proud of myself and thinking how proud my Pa was of me, I guess I was talking too much and distracted Pa. I plumb forgot to pay attention to what I was doing."

"You should rest now." And Doyadukubichi' walked away. About nine years earlier, he knew he had seen this tall boy as an infant. There could be no other youth with such an unusual name as Hoss and with eyes that blue and a large father named Ben Cartwright. The odds against such a coincidence were astronomical. He had loved that boy, but had lost all contact with him. He remembered vividly the day that had happened. He had thought they had been killed as his mother had been killed.

Late the night before he was taken by the Pawnee, the small wagon train had accepted a stranger and allowed him to travel with them. By the middle of the next day, the train was under attack by Indians. Adam was gathering firewood when the attack began. He had run through brush and tussocks of tall grass until he reached his parents. They told him to hold Hoss close and not let him get hurt. Doyadukubichi' did his best, but when his stepmother Inger turned from the window to go get more ammunition, one of the warriors loomed at the window suddenly with an arrow notched and ready to fly. His stepmother had turned to fire, but he released the arrow anyway as he fell. Holding Hoss as tightly as he could, Doyadukubichi' had turned from the window to cower as low to the dirt floor as he could. Suddenly he had felt a searing hot pain in his back that penetrated right through to his front. He looked down to see the head of an arrow protruding from his side. Screaming incoherently, his stepmother had knelt at his side and picked up Hoss suddenly toppling over him with an arrow piercing her from her back to her chest. It was the last memory Doyadukubichi' had of that day.

Awakening much later, he had all sorts of material wrapped around his middle. He was in agony each time he awoke, and cried out until one of the women would place a hand across his mouth to silence him. Eventually he was strong enough to drink some thick broth they brought to him, and then slowly solid food was introduced. For what must have been months, he had agonizing pains in his side after every meal. He would get so hungry avoiding food as long as he could, but then he would eat and the pain would return. There was no one there who offered him any comfort in those early days. They waited to see if he would live. Once his health began to improve, a couple took him with them, adopting him in a way, but he hated living there and fought every thing they tried to make him do. They taught him words for things he needed to do like eat, drink, sleep, and carry. Whenever they tried to make him carry, he would fight them. They called him Kukuk, the Bear. Over and over again, he would try to run away. He learned in time that he was with the Pawnee.

Running away was the worst. His hopes would be so high, but then they would catch him. They beat him at first with willow branches that stung terribly but did no real damage except for pink welts. That didn't work in curbing his desire to be free of them, and he continued to try to escape. He had no idea where he would go, but he knew he didn't want to stay with these people. Finally one day, three of the warriors came to him and held him down, pulled off the leather bound to his feet, and laid a hot coal on the bottom of each foot. He screamed at them and then screamed in pain. When they left, the women bandaged his feet. He couldn't run away then. The pain from his feet was excruciating. But that didn't work either. By the time his feet healed, he tried to run away again. They bound him then, and the men who were leaving to go hunting took him along. He had no idea what they would do. After several days, they approached another group of Indians, the Newe, and offered to sell him to them. He could tell that was what happened by the goods that were eventually transferred for him. They left him there then. He looked around at the desert with the mountains in the distance and knew he could never escape them. It was certain death to try. He laid on the ground and beat his fists in frustration. Then he ran away.

The Newe didn't track him down and punish him. They waited a few days and then a man rode out to see if he wanted to come back. He did because he was tired, hungry, and covered with insect bites and had been walking in circles for days not knowing how to find his way. He didn't try to run away again. He had discovered he had nowhere to go. He was given food and shelter, and he was given work to do all day every day. When he did his work, he was fed and given a place to sleep. If he did not do the work, he was denied food and ignored when it was time to sleep. Eventually he worked and did as he was asked because he didn't see any other way to live. After a few years of servitude, several times soldiers came to the camp. They would look at him, and move on and look at all of the other children. It was several such visits before he realized they were looking for white children. Deeply tanned by the sun and with his dark hair long and pulled back and his dark eyes, he was never recognized as white. He wanted to yell out that he was a captive, but he had lost a lot of his English words. He could remember them when he concentrated, but they didn't roll off his tongue like a natural language would.

Many times Doyadukubichi' wondered about his white family. His father Ben, his mother Inger, and his brother Hoss were all the family he knew. He wondered if they could be alive but assmuned they had been killed in the attack. When he reached his early teens and started to grow a beard, the soldiers realized he was white. That's when he was rescued, except to him it was just another forced relocation. This time he realized it did no good to run away. He tolerated what they wanted to do with him including trying their best to make him white again. He learned to speak, read, and write in English, and to do arithmetic. He was praised for how well and how fast he learned, but much of it was relearning what he already knew. Cooperating as much as necessary, he left as soon as he was old enough. A tall youth, he told them he was sixteen, and they said he was free to go out on his own.

Once he was on his own, he worked at various jobs where being strong was all that mattered. He got enough money to buy a good horse, basic supplies, and better clothing. In towns where he went, he was called all sorts of names including breed, half-breed, and squaw-man. No one cared how he had come to look part Newe and part white. All they cared about was his appearance, so he headed off into the wilderness to live alone where he had lived for much of the past year. His lie that he was sixteen was now the truth.

The winter had been the most difficult, but he had found a cave and built a log wall barrier across the entrance to protect his horses and himself as well as his belongings. The log wall served as well to insulate the interior and hold in the heat of his fire and the heat from the animals. He knew that an illness or injury could mean his death, but he knew too that there would be no one to miss him.

When Doyadukubichi' saw Ben fall, he had gone to him as he had gone to help others he had found in need. Sometimes they tried to hurt him when they realized he was young and alone. They regretted that choice if they made it. He had lots of time to practice and was deadly with any weapon he chose to use. He always had weapons near him because he trusted no one. Even Hoss could be a threat. He was a big and powerful youth. Knowing him as a baby was no guarantee that he would not be dangerous to him now. He helped them, and when Ben was strong enough, he planned to leave them. When Ben sat up the next morning and was able to eat some of the rabbit, it was clear he was recovering well.

"You are recovered from your injury?"

Hoss answered for his father who still looked pale and was somewhat disoriented. "Yessiree, I think Pa's back to being right in the head again. He says he's got no dizziness and no sick feeling in the pit of his stomach. I have to thank you for helping us. Say, why dontcha come back with us? You could work on our ranch. There's lots of jobs that let ya stay out in the hills for weeks at a time. But we make sure ya got food and anything else ya need."

"No. I'll stay here."

Wanting to show his gratitude, Ben supported Hoss' statement. "Yes, there's a job for you on the Ponderosa any time you want. You can find us by heading southwest from here. Once you get close, just ask anyone for directions to the Ponderosa." Then Ben leaned back and closed his eyes.

Cleaning up the campsite and putting more rocks in the ring around the campfire, Hoss turned around to offer more inducement for Doyadukubichi' to come with them, but he was gone. There was no sign of him anywhere. Hoss was disappointed. He suspected that their rescuer had had a hard life. That morning as they had bathed in the small stream a short walk from their campsite, Hoss had seen the scars on Doyadukubichi's front and back.

"How'd you get them scars on your back and your belly?"

"An arrow went through me long ago."

But there was something about the way this young man talked, his voice, and his face that Hoss found eerily familiar. And then there had been his reaction when Hoss told him their names. He had been clearly shocked and then wiped the look from his face and never reacted again. But in his heart, Hoss knew that somehow he had known their names before Hoss had said them. They camped there another day eating beef jerky and beans until Ben told Hoss that he thought if they rode slowly, he could ride.

As they rode away, Doyadukubichi' watched from the hill high above. Now he had more thoughts about his white family. He had wondered if they were alive, but was shocked to find that his father and brother were quite well. That made him wonder even more. Why had they left him behind? Didn't they want him either? It was difficult for Doyadukubichi' to believe anyone wanted him after the life he had lived to this point. He saw couples and families in the white fort and town where he had been taken, and he had seen them among the Newe and other tribes. He couldn't even imagine that for himself. He couldn't begin to understand what it meant for someone to love and be loved. It was an alien concept.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

"Pa, didn't that Doyadukubichi' seem kind of familiar to you?"

"Yes, he did, but I have no idea why. I know I have never met him, and yet it felt as if I had. I wonder if there was a chance meeting years ago that I just don't recall."

"Pa, it couldn't have been too long ago cause I thought the same thing. It was like I heard his voice before only it wasn't the same. He had scars on him too. Did you know he got shot with an arrow? It went clean through him. I saw the scars when we was cleaning up, and he just said he got shot like it was no big deal. But that kind of thing could kill a person, couldn't it Pa?"

Ben shuddered as he remembered suddenly that horrible vision of an arrow protruding from his wife and another stuck through his young son all those years ago. "Yes, son, that surely would kill most people. Now let's talk about that cattle drive. We need to map a few more watering holes and pastures as we ride for home."

Noticing his father's reaction, Hoss did what he often did and changed the subject. "Pa, is Mama really mad at you for taking me along on this trip? I mean, is she going to be mad when we get back?"

"No, Hoss, your Mama is just a very emotional person, and all too often, she doesn't think things through before she talks. She threatens to take Little Joe and head back to New Orleans fairly often forgetting that she came with me just to escape that city and the cruel people she knew there. No, she gets mad just like Hop Sing, and threatens to leave just like he threatens to leave all the time and go back to China. Neither one of them mean what they say. I'm sure she brooded on it and gradually cooled down and realized how silly she was being just like Hop Sing does when he says he's sorry for yelling at us. It's just how they talk when they're mad."

"I know when she gets mad at me, I just go do something else for a while, and it's like she forgets she was ever mad at me by the time I get back."

"Exactly. She often forgets the benefits of living here when she's angry, and thinks only of the benefits of living in a city. The rest of the time, when she's calm, she remembers why we're here. When we buy that next section, I'm going to have a map drawn of just the Ponderosa. We'll hang it on the wall so that Marie can point to it with pride whenever someone visits."

"Pa, I was thinking, maybe we should have a big party then too. Mama talks about all those balls and fancy shindigs and such that she went to in New Orleans. Maybe she could have one of those here?"

"Son, you may only be ten years old, but you have the wisdom of a man three times your age."

"Pa, I'm almost eleven."

"Yes, you are, and you're going to make a fine husband for a woman some day."

"Aw, Pa, I ain't never getting married. Girls just ain't no fun."

"Son, I trust that in a few years you will change your mind on that score. And a party is a wonderful idea. If it went over well we could have a couple every year. Maybe we could have one in the spring and one in the fall. What do you think about that?"

"Pa, that's the best idea you've had lately, and you've got lots of good ideas. I wish I could think fast and smart like you."

"Hoss, you're just fine. You think things through and make good decisions most of the time. Don't you worry. You'll be ready to take over this ranch someday."

"What about Little Joe?"

With a deep sigh, Ben looked at his young son. "Hoss, you and I are going to have our work cut out for us with that one. He's going to be a handful, I can just tell." Hoss laughed. He liked it a lot when his father talked to him like this. It made him feel more grown up. He sat a little taller in the saddle with the confidence his father had in him.

By the time Ben and Hoss rode into the yard of the Ponderosa, Marie had recovered from her snit and was happy to see them. Marie was a very moody and emotional woman. Ben and Hoss had learned to ignore the bad moods and crankiness and enjoy the times when she was happy and fun to be around. Marie was very concerned about Ben's injury, and Hoss told her all about the young man who had helped them.

"Is he Indian or white then?"

"Mama, he's white, but he acts a lot like an Indian too. He can move so quiet, you don't even know he's gone. It's just like, poof, and he's gone."

"He has mystical powers the?"

"Maybe. Mama, maybe you could make up a story to tell us about a white Indian who can do magic?"

"Perhaps I could do that." Marie was very creative, and Hoss enjoyed her storytelling very much. She loved to read too, and often read aloud as Hoss sat by her side mesmerized not only by the story but by her lyrical voice.

Almost immediately though it was all business again as Ben began organizing the cattle drive. The men who worked for them had never been on one before so this was going to be a major learning experience for all of them. Only a few hands would stay behind to keep up with the basic requirements of the ranch. The others would be gone on the drive with Ben and Hoss.

Within a week, they had the cattle they were selling ready to move out. Hoss was going along again but with less of Marie's objections this time. Ben assured her that Hoss would ride in the chuck wagon if there was any trouble. That seemed to pacify her, but Ben knew that if anything happened to Hoss on this trip, no matter how minor it was, he would hear about it interminably. Joe wasn't happy that both of them were leaving again and threw a tantrum when Ben and Hoss tried to say goodbye. Ben swatted his behind and shocked him into silence. Marie gathered him up immediately, but he remained quiet as his father and brother left. His father had certainly gotten his attention and Marie's as well. Usually it took her a long time to get Joe to stop a tantrum. She was beginning to think that Ben might be right about Joe being spoiled, but she didn't know any other way to deal with her baby. She planned to have a frank discussion with Ben when he returned.

The drive was not without problems. The cattle resisted being driven away from the green grass and sweet water of the Ponderosa. The men were not used to being in the saddle as much as fourteen hours a day even when the weather was bad. Taking a two hour shift night herding was also something to which they all had to adjust. Another issue they had not considered was that rustlers might try to take some of the herd as they moved them, and nighttime was their best time for rustlers to act.

Late in the day, three days out and almost halfway to their destination, Hoss and Ben stopped to fill their canteens at a small stream. And suddenly Doyadukubichi' was there.

"Men are following you."

"What kind of men?"

"I think you know. They watch you, and they watch the cattle. I saw them from up on that ridge. I will be watching them. I think they will do something soon."

"Why don't you come with us? We could use the help, and you could eat with us."

"I'll watch." And with that, he was gone again. Hoss thought it was amazing how he could disappear so quickly and quietly. He walked and moved with the fluid gracefulness of a cougar. He might be just as deadly too for, as usual, he was well armed. Hoss wished he could move like that. He wondered if there was some way that this young man could teach him those things. He liked hunting and fishing as well as tracking animals, and he was sure that Doyadukubichi' could teach him a lot about that.

Putting the men on alert, Ben also told Hoss to ride in the chuck wagon with his horse tied to the back of the wagon. He wasn't going to take any chances with his son. As they proceeded, the hand who was riding point sent word back that they were going to have to spread the herd out in a longer line because the valley ahead narrowed sharply. That was likely when the rustlers would strike. Ben signaled his men to stay as close together as possible and to expect some kind of attempt to steal their cattle.

When the assault came, it was far more violent than they had expected. The man riding point was fired on, and the herd started to run. More gunfire ensued and the hands rode hard trying to stop the herd from stampeding away. They managed to do that by turning the lead cows back into the others, but then they had a milling tangle of agitated animals and sporadic gunfire coming in at them. Ben finally told the men to take cover. No amount of money was worth losing any lives or risking an injury or a wound that could become infected. Once they were in cover, they were better able to return fire, but they had a defensive position, and those up above had the strategic advantage.

When gunfire erupted from behind the would be rustlers, the men down below wondered who it could be who had come to help them. After two rustlers fell, the others gave up their plan and rode off leaving their wounded companions. Ben and some of the hands mounted up and rode up the hill to thank their savior and see to the wounded men. They found one man wounded and one dead. The dead man had been shot in the back. Ben was surprised by that and looked up from the body when Doyadukubichi' approached.

"You shot him in the back?"

"He was trying to kill you. Should I have asked him to turn around please so I could shoot him in the front? The others turned after I shot, and that is why the other one is not dead."

It was clear to all that Doyadukubichi' had killed before because he had that hard mask men had when they had to do something they found difficult but necessary. Up close to him and with his mind clear, Ben realized how young he was. He again asked him to come with them.

"We're short a hand now too, and could use the help. I'll pay you."

"I will go with you." Doyadukubichi' surprised himself with that answer, but he was a man who held honor as being very important so he helped with the drive as he said he would. He was an excellent horseman, but it was clear herding was not something he had done much before so he ended up riding drag. He didn't complain which surprised all of the men there. He also didn't sleep near anyone, and ate the meals they served without engaging in conversation but did answer questions posed to him. It was his quiet acceptance of his place among them that earned the respect of the other men. The men told him his name was too much, and that they were going to call him 'Doya' if he didn't mind. He didn't because he knew that getting a nickname meant acceptance. He liked that.

Ben invited Doya to travel back to the ranch with them when the drive was done, and he also accepted that but said he had to make a stop on the way. He came riding back to the group leading a second horse that carried some light packs. It was all he owned in the world. Doya did not say anything about recognizing Ben and Hoss as his family. He planned to study the situation before he decided what to do. He had surprised himself again at the easy acceptance of that request, but realized that his yearning for a family and for company made him do it. He wondered how he would be treated and could only hope he would be accepted for what he was and not taunted and rejected. He had faced a lot of that in the previous few years.

When they reached the Ponderosa yard, Doya took a spot in the bunkhouse, and accepted the jobs assigned to him without complaint as usual. However he quickly understood the way things were done on the ranch, and when some men tried to get him to take their dirty jobs, he simply said no thank you, and walked away to go do his assigned tasks. One of the hands didn't like that. He thought the new hands ought to be hazed a bit. He kept trying to provoke Doya, but it didn't work until he put a burr under the young man's saddle. When Doya moved to mount up on his normally calm horse, he noticed the agitation but didn't know what had caused it. When the horse bucked him off, he had a pretty good idea though. He inspected his saddle and found the burr. Whirling on the men who were laughing, he heard them say who had done it. He walked up to the man who outweighed him by a hundred pounds and punched him in the face. The fight was mostly one sided with the larger man having a distinct advantage, but Doya wouldn't give up and landed several telling blows before Ben came storming out of the house.

"What in tarnation is going on here?"

"We was just having a little fun, and this one started a fight."

"Is that true, Doya? Did you throw the first punch?"

Expecting to be blamed, Doya was ready to leave. "I'll pack up and go if you wish."

"No, you don't have to go, but you need to know we don't tolerate fighting around here. Now you men get to work. All of you have jobs to do and I expect you to get that work done today." Looking at Doya, Ben asked if he needed any assistance. He shook his head negatively and mounted up to ride out to herd some cattle to lower pastures where the grass was greener. Once he rode out, Ben's foreman walked up to him to explain.

"Nelson put a burr under the kid's saddle. His horse bucked him off. It was a mean thing to do, and I think I woulda busted him one in the chops if he did it to me."

"Did he really hit Nelson first?"

"Yeah, the kid never looked scared either. I think it's a good thing you came out when you did. Somebody was likely to get serious hurt otherwise."

"Well keep the two of them apart. You know how Nelson carries a grudge."

"They're both herding cattle today, but I'll be sure that they never get paired up."

"Thanks, Hank."

Once Ben was back inside, he explained what the commotion had been. Hoss was feeling kinda proud that his new friend would stand up to Nelson that way. Nelson called Hoss names whenever Ben wasn't around so Hoss liked the fact that Doya had hit him. Marie wondered if having such a hot-headed cowhand working for them was a good idea.

"At this point, my dear, I would rather have him on the payroll than Nelson. Doya does his work and does his best to get along with the other hands. Nelson isn't nearly the hard worker the kid is and always seems to want to stir things up. By the end of the season, I may let Nelson go and keep the kid on instead."

"Pa, I think that's a really good idea."

"Oh, Hoss, why do you say that?"

"Oh, nothing really. I just don't like Nelson."

Surprised because Hoss liked just about everyone, Ben and Marie were curious.

"My son, what has Nelson done to make you dislike him?" Marie's question brought tears to Hoss' eyes, and his parents saw it. "Oh, my, what has he done?"

"He calls me fat boy and lard butt and names like that. Mama, it really hurts and then sometimes some of the other men laugh."

"Benjamin, I think you are right to let that Nelson go. He has no place here."

At the end of the day though, the opposite occurred. Nelson and the other hands who had been herding got back in late. Ben and Hank went to them and asked what had happened, and Nelson answered.

"That damn kid turned the cattle away from the pasture where we were supposed to put them. We had to herd them all back up again, and move them with him complaining the whole time and telling us not to do it. Cost us a lot of hours to get the job done."

"Why did he say he did that?" The whole thing made no sense to Ben.

"Said the water was bad. Said he could smell it. Damn fool kid."

When Doya rode in shortly thereafter, Ben and Hank confronted him.

"Doya, did you go against orders today, and stop those cattle from being moved as I ordered?"

"Yes. It was the wrong thing to do."

"That is not your decision to make."

"I will make decisions when they are needed. This one was needed. I will not follow blindly when the orders are wrong."

Shocked by his insubordination, Ben lost his temper and the thoughts from earlier that day fled. "You're fired. Pack up your things and be gone in the morning."

Clearly surprised at first, Doya soon had that impassive look. He walked into the bunkhouse before Ben could say any more. Hank followed Ben as he stalked to the house.

"Boss, maybe we oughta ask him why he wouldn't follow that order. Seems to me he wouldn't do anything to harm this operation. He's been a good worker until today."

"Yes, and apparently his dispute with Nelson led him to disobey direct orders. I will not have my hands acting that way."

"All right, boss, see you in the morning."

Very upset to hear that news, Hoss wanted to go talk to Doya. Ben told him to sit at the dining table for they were about to have dinner. The next morning, Ben regretted his decision and was going to go make amends. When he opened the front door, Hank was there about to knock.

"Seems we got a big problem, boss. The nightherders just came in and said we got a lot of sick cows down in that pasture where we moved em yesterday. Looks like the kid was right. Something's wrong with the water."

"Too late, boss. He left last night. He packed up his stuff, and headed out. I told him he was due some pay, but he shook his head and left. Funny thing is, before he left, he told me his name was Adam but he hadn't been called that in a long time, ever since he lived with the Indians."

Ben felt a sudden chill then as he remembered his own son, Adam, who had been killed by Indians, but shook it off and got back to business. "Well, let's get some men together and go move the cattle that are still healthy. We'll see what we can do about the others."

"Well, let's get some men together and go move the cattle that are still healthy. We'll see what we can do about the others."

For the rest of the day, Ben was busy. Marie had loved his idea of a party, and she took the carriage into town to start buying supplies and letting their best friends know about it. They would have a party on the following Saturday. Marie finally had something to do that suited her talents and her background. She hadn't had this much fun since she had decorated the house on her arrival with some new furniture and window dressings. She picked up the mail as well and noted a large envelope with her husbands name written in an elegant script. For just a second, she was jealous but then let it pass knowing Ben would never do anything improper. When she got home, she put the mail on Ben's desk and set about making lists of things to do for the party and consulting with Hop Sing to see what help he would need.

Exhausted, Ben got home late, cleaned up, and then had a late dinner. What he really would have liked to do was to lie down in bed and let his wife wipe his worries away, but building a big ranch like this took more work so he had to be disciplined. He had to go over the papers for buying that next section of the Ponderosa. They had the money now, and the party would celebrate the expansion of the ranch. He pushed aside the other mail, and would have left it for the next day except he was never a procrastinator and couldn't be one then. He opened the envelope with his name scrawled on it with only Virginia City as the address. By the time he finished reading his heart rate and temperature had gone up by about equal amounts it seemed.

"_Dear Mr. Cartwright:_

_There is a matter of importance that I think you must know. I became aware of your existence when you delivered some cattle to a ranch near here. We had a white boy here at our school for almost two years. He said his father was Ben Cartwright and his mother was Inger and that he had a baby brother, Eric. He thought they must have been killed in the Pawnee attack in which he himself was taken captive. He informed us that his name was Adam although he preferred to be called by his Shoshoni name, Doyadukubichi' which means cougar. At some point, the Pawnee had traded him to the Shoshoni, and he lived with them until he was rescued. The boy is very intelligent and well behaved, but he has had a hard life. He does not smile. He was allowed to leave because he told us he was sixteen years old, but I believe he is younger than that. I do not know what you will do with the information or even if the boy is related to you, but I could not in good conscience keep this information from you._

_Yours most sincerely,_

_Miss Miranda Adams"_

Leaning back in his chair, Ben wanted to go saddle a horse immediately and seek out the boy that he knew in his heart was his son, but he knew he couldn't do that. He also knew that he would not be able to sleep with any peace on this night. He poured himself a glass of sherry and sat in front of the fireplace staring into the flames until he nodded off in the early hours of the morning. His son had been there by his side and living on his ranch, and he hadn't even recognized him. He had been having some bad dreams about the day he had lost Inger and Adam, but had thought they arose from Hoss bringing that topic up for discussion. Now he realized it had probably been his unconscious recognition of his first-born son that had triggered those memories which invaded his dreams.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

"It cannot be. It is some cruel hoax! This woman and that boy are in this together. They want part of the Ponderosa!"

"Marie, how did they know these things? How could they have known of the Indian attack and the names? Who could have told her it was the Pawnee who attacked us? We don't call Hoss Eric either. He was so familiar to me, but I couldn't remember meeting him. Hoss had the same feeling. Well after nine years, he changed a lot. But Marie, I know it. In my heart, I know that he is my son."

"But Ben, we were going to have this lovely party. I already invited dozens of people."

"Marie, we'll have one more thing to celebrate if I can find him now and bring him home. I think I know where to look. If he wants to talk, he'll find me."

"Pa, I want to go with you." Hoss was standing at the top of the stairs in the house built from a design sketched on a piece of paper by a six year old boy who had never lived in a house.

"Hoss, it is not polite to eavesdrop."

"Pa, I could hear ya all the way in my room. Little Joe woke up too."

"Pack for six days. The only place I know to look is where we first saw him. I'll get Hop Sing to pack up food for us."

"You're going then?"

"Marie, if that was Joseph out there, wouldn't you do anything, go through any barrier to get to him? Well he is my son, and I'm going to get him and bring him home. I know now why he looked so familiar. He looks like his mother. The beard hid some of his features. If he only had smiled, I think I may have known it sooner, but I know it now. My son is out there alone because I rejected him and sent him from his home. I need to find him and bring him back here where he belongs. I won't rest until that's done."

With that, Ben went to talk to Hop Sing and then get the men to saddle up two horses. He came back in to kiss his wife and Little Joe goodbye. Little Joe knew better than to throw a tantrum after what had happened the last time. Ben noticed and decided he needed to be more insistent that Marie discipline the boy for he obviously was intelligent. He and Hoss rode out following a trail that was easy to see. Apparently Adam had not thought he would be followed and had done nothing to obscure his tracks. They found the site where he had spent the first night, and then followed that out. Ben could see that Adam was heading where Ben had thought he would go.

The first night had been a restless one for Adam. He had trouble sleeping at all but wouldn't risk his horses by trying to travel in the dark. As soon as it was light though, he moved out. He wanted to get as far away from his heartbreaking sojourn on the Ponderosa as he could. He planned to spend a few days hunting in his old camp, and then he would move on. He thought that with his new skills, he might hire on with another ranch. He found that he had liked having other people around except for that disagreeable Nelson. But his father had a new wife, and Ma had indeed died the day he was taken so there would be none of those hugs and soothing talks he fondly remembered and had hoped he might get again. His father also had another son although he had thought Little Joe was a girl the first time he had seen him. He had shed tears as he left. He knew he had not cried except in pain for many years but being rejected so thoroughly had hurt him deeply. He did remember Hank's kind words and advice.

"You're due some pay. Besides ifn ya stay until morning, the boss will remember all the good things ya done for him. His temper's got a way of getting in the way of his thinking. I'd like ya to stay. Maybe in the future if ya got something stuck in your craw, you could talk with me first instead of doing something to get yourself in trouble."

"If it is the right thing to do, why do I need to ask? Don't you do the right thing when you see it? None should question doing the right thing."

"But, kid, how do you know it was the right thing to do? Nobody else thought it was the right thing to do."

"I know what I did was right, and right is not determined by how many think it but only what is true. The water was bad and smelled wrong. I would not drink water I could smell. I did not think cattle should drink it either. But doing the right thing got Ben Cartwright mad at me. I do not understand and cannot live here any longer."

"All right, then. But I'm gonna miss you, kid. Good luck in whatever you do, and you can come back here for a job any time you want. You just talk to me first, and you'll be working here."

"Thank you, Hank. May I call you friend?"

"Kid, I'd be honored to although I can't pronounce your name so you'll just have to be kid or Doya to me."

"My white name is Adam, but I haven't used that name since I was about six years old. I was with the Indians then and I lived with the Newe longer than with any other. They were the ones who named me."

"Geez, Adam, is it? That's a lot easier so why didn't ya say it was your name?"

"I have my reasons, Hank. Goodbye, friend." Adam had ridden from the yard at that point and not looked back because it was too painful. He had hoped so much that he could have found a way to be near his family, but he had been rejected very quickly. Apparently the way he was didn't fit into what they wanted. It hurt a lot, but now he knew he did want a family or at least a group of good friends. He planned to seek that now instead of living alone.

After reaching his former camp early in the morning two days later, Adam tended to his horses, unpacked his gear, and then grabbed his weapons to do some hunting. He hadn't eaten much of anything since he had left the Ponderosa, and he was very hungry. As he climbed up the ridge to look for signs of animals down below, he saw a pair of riders heading his way. They were still many miles away but he knew who they were. He thought about packing up and leaving for they would never find him if he chose to hide his tracks. He sat on the ridge contemplating why they were coming this way and what he should do. He chose the path he often did when confronted with such a problem. He decided to observe.

"Adam! Adam!"

So they knew. Adam wondered how they knew, but it didn't matter too much anyway. He moved closer to them to try to hear what they were saying.

"Pa, I know he's here. I can feel him."

"Hoss, you can't feel another person. You can hear him or see him but not feel him."

"But I can, Pa. It's the same way when we're hunting, and I tell you I know we're near a deer or an antelope. I can feel them, and I can feel my brother."

"You want an older brother very badly, don't you?"

"Pa, he is my brother. I guess that all these years I was missing him, and I never knew that or knew him. Now I know who he is, and I miss him even more. I want him to come home with us."

"Hoss, you know it will change our family forever. You won't be the oldest any more, and Marie will take some time getting used to having another son who is not her blood. She took to you quickly but you were just a child at the time. She may have more trouble with a son who is already quite a bit taller than she is."

"Ya, Pa, can ya just see her looking up at him and telling him to clean the mud off his boots or something like that. I sure would like to see that though. And I won't mind not being the oldest. He can take over watching Little Joe when you and Mama go to town. That boy sure is a handful. I'm plumb tuckered out when I gotta watch him."

Stepping out in front of Ben and Hoss, Adam startled them. "What do you want here?"

"Adam, I know who you are now. I was wrong to treat you the way that I did. I have a terrible temper that gets in the way of my thinking. But what I do know is that I want you to come back with us."

"Why? You sent me away when I had done nothing wrong."

"Boy, you're a lot like your mother. I know you did nothing wrong. It was just how you did it. It got my temper up, and I already admitted that was a problem. We came looking for you to take you home. I know now that you're my son, and I suspect you knew that too. Why didn't you say something?"

"You never looked for me. You didn't want me, and now you sent me away."

Dismounting and stepping closer to Adam then as did Hoss, Ben could tell that beneath that icy exterior was a hurt boy. "I thought you were dead. I saw you with an arrow piercing you and blood had pooled beneath you. Inger lay unmoving beside you. There was so much blood. I felt for your heartbeat and didn't feel one. We were under attack. I grabbed Hoss and ran. The soldiers who came across the site, went ahead and buried all the victims, so when we came back, there were no bodies to see. They said they had buried women and children together so I thought that you and Inger were in the same grave. I hope you can forgive me. I don't know how I could have done it differently."

"Are the cows sick?" It was an adept change of topic, and a maneuver Adam had mastered when he was quite young. Ben remembered, and it almost brought a smile to his lips, but he couldn't afford to be misunderstood.

"Yes, the cows are sick. Well some of them are sick. We moved the others. How did you know?"

"I could smell the water. I don't drink water I can smell."

"You were right, and I was wrong. Please, will you come back with us?"

"If I do, will you send me away when you are angry again?"

"No, Adam, he won't. I'll be there at your side. You ain't never leaving us again."

"I have not decided that I will go with you."

Hoss looked at him with those bright blue eyes of his and knew. "Yes, you have. Ya just ain't figured out how to say it yet." Stepping closer, Hoss reached out his hand. "Glad to meet ya, brother. Now why don't we sit down and fix something to eat. I'm hungry."

"I think perhaps you are always hungry." Adam did a little crooked half smile. It was the most emotion either of them had ever seen him show except anger, and it was the first smile they had seen for anything. Hoss grinned in response. Then Adam looked to Ben.

"Adam, we'll work things out. I know it won't be easy. There are five of us, and we'll all have to get used to each other, but you're family, and we'll do it. You're sixteen years old, and you've lived longer away from me than with me. But we're family. We'll find a way."

Turning away from them then, Adam said only a few words, but to Ben and Hoss, the impact was huge. "I was going to hunt when you arrived. If you don't make too much noise, I will have something for dinner soon." With that, he turned and headed into the trees. They waited quietly, and after about a half hour, they heard some noise. Adam came back and asked Hoss to come help him. In a short time, they had a deer slung on a pole between them and walked to where Ben was standing holding the reins of the horses. Adam directed them up the hill to his camp. Ben was amazed because it was so well camouflaged, he would never have found it. He knew then that Adam had accepted them because he could easily have waited as they searched futilely and then gone on their way.

Cooking the venison over a campfire, Ben and his two sons ate heartily. There was plenty left for breakfast, and they could take the rest of the cooked meat with them to eat as they traveled. They talked a lot about their experiences especially Hoss who loved talking about the Ponderosa and all the animals. He talked about swimming in the lake and fishing in the streams. He mentioned the line cabins they were building as bases of operation when men were sent to work on the edges of the great ranch. Ben talked about the huge addition they were making to the ranch.

"Why do you need so much? The land looks very good. Does it not provide everything you need?" Adam didn't understand why the ranch was so big.

"Son, I want a ranch to leave to my sons that will provide for each of them and for their children. I am building for the future. I want to expand the herd and start breeding horses too. Perhaps you would be interested in helping with the horses. You're a better horseman than anyone else on the ranch right now."

"Who would make the decisions?"

"I would but with your input. You're still only sixteen, and you don't have the experience in business that I do. I would like to start teaching you that right away though. How much schooling did you get with Miss Adams?"

"I remembered how to read rather quickly. She made me read more and more difficult books. When I was leaving, she gave me two books so I could keep reading. I have a collection of William Shakespeare's plays and another collection of works by John Milton."

"That's interesting. Paradise Lost by Milton was your mother's favorite book. Did you like the books Miss Adams gave you?"

"Yes, and now I need to ask how you know Miss Adams."

For the next few minutes, Ben explained about the letter, and his discussion with Marie. Then Adam had questions about Marie and Little Joe. As they talked, Ben realized that Hoss was correct. Adam was coming back with them but didn't know how to say it yet as he needed some time to adjust to the idea. By the morning as they ate venison for breakfast, Adam asked Hoss to help get the horse ready for travel. Both Hoss and Ben realized there was not going to be an announcement as such. Adam would go about getting ready to travel with them as a way to tell them he had agreed to go to the Ponderosa to live. They traveled for a day and camped one more night sharing more and more stories. Finally they rode to the ridge above the ranch house and paused.

"There it is, son. That the house I built based on the plan you drew when we were on the wagon train."

"I did wonder about that. You kept the drawing I made all that time?"

"Yes, and I built the house using that sketch because it was one of the few things I had left of you, and I wanted it here on the Ponderosa for all of us. Now you can live in the house you designed. I framed that sketch and it's on the wall by my desk. Now I want a map of the Ponderosa, and I'll hang that there too."

"Do you want me to draw a map for you?"

"You can draw like that?"

"I like to draw. I drew a lot of pictures when I was in Miss Adams' school. She gave me pencils and paper to use. She said she liked my drawings. She said they looked real. I'm not sure what she meant because of course they were real, but I think it was a compliment."

"Yes, it was. It means she thought it looked just like what you were drawing. Not everyone can draw things just the way they are. I would like to see your drawings some time if you have any. We have paper and pencils on the Ponderosa too so you could draw more if you like."

With Ben leading the way, the trio rode down to the ranch house. Hank met them in the yard and with a big grin, welcomed Adam back now as a son of the owner. Marie came outside with Little Joe who seemed intrigued by this new person with his father and Hoss. The family went inside after Ben informed Hank that he could tell the hands about the new development. Hank had known when they were leaving but had been instructed not to say anything to the men.

Inside the house, Adam stopped and looked at the high ceilings. He had been afraid that he would not like the house inside and that he would feel all closed in, but the house was wide open and didn't have that closed in feeling at all. Ben showed him around the first floor, and then took him upstairs and gave him the guest room as his own. He put his meager belongings inside and then came back downstairs to talk with Marie and Little Joe so they could get to know him too. When Hop Sing came out to announce that dinner would be served soon, he was introduced to Adam as well. When they sat down to dinner, Ben sat at the head of the table with Marie to his right and Hoss to his left. Little Joe sat next to Marie, and Ben told Adam to sit on the end next to him. Adam sat on the chair, and watched what the others did and copied it. He had learned about Christianity with Miss Adams, so he knew to bow his head when his father said grace. He copied the table manners of the family, and he remembered some things from the time with Inger.

"How will I learn about your religion?"

"Well, we can talk about religion, and you will be expected to go to church services with us on Sundays. I have a Bible you can read as well. If there are parts you don't understand, we can discuss those too."

Nodding Adam continued to eat. He was amazed at the amount of food that was served and very amazed at how much of it ten-year-old Hoss could eat. He was six years younger but only a few inches shorter than Adam and already much heavier. After dinner, Ben took Adam to the washroom and showed him where everything was.

"Would you like to take a bath? It must have been a long time since you were able to bathe."

"I would like that. At the school, they had a washroom with a washtub, and we could use that to bathe. Your washtub is much nicer and longer."

"That's a bathtub. Its only purpose is for us to take baths. Hop Sing has a washtub in the back of the washroom that he uses to wash laundry. Now, do you have any clean clothing to wear after your bath?"

When Adam said he didn't, Ben went to get some of his old clothing. It would do until they could buy Adam more clothing, and then Hop Sing could wash what he had worn and it would be dry by morning. Ben brought an old robe, a pair of pants that were too small for him, and one of Hoss' shirts. He forgot to bring socks, and when Adam was dressing, Ben noticed the bottom of his feet.

"What happened to your feet? You have terrible scars there."

"The Pawnee burned my feet because I kept running away. They thought I wouldn't run away on burned feet. I didn't. I waited until they healed and then ran away again. They sold me to the Newe because I wouldn't stay with them. I ran away from the Newe too at first, but I had nowhere to go, so they took me back. If I worked, I was given food. If I refused to work, I got nothing. So I worked."

Ben's heart ached as he learned of his son's hard life among the Indians. "Well, you'll work here too, but if you refuse to do something, you'll still get food. If we have some disputes, we'll have to try to talk them through."

"Your wife doesn't like me."

"She doesn't know you. She's worried a lot about Little Joe, and she isn't sure how having you here will affect him."

"When I first saw him, I thought he was a girl. Why does he wear a dress like a white girl?"

"It is how people dress their children in the cities. I have told Marie that it is not suitable out here in the west, but she doesn't agree with me. We'll talk more about that some other time."

Adam could tell that the topic made Ben uncomfortable. He did have another question. "What do I call you? I know your name is Ben, and I have called you that, but it doesn't seem the way that a son would address a father."

"What would the Shoshoni do?"

"The sons call their fathers father."

"Well, I would like you to call me Pa if you were willing. It's what you used to call me."

"I remember, ah, Pa."

Smiling, Ben and Adam walked to the great room. "What do I call your wife? Is it proper to call her Marie?"

"Yes, for now at least, I think that would be the best. I'm not at all sure that she is ready for you to call her Ma, and I would think you might have some trouble with that as well. You can refer to her as ma'am too as that's a proper way for a man to address a married woman." Adam nodded to that because it would be an easy thing to do.

The family talked in front of the fireplace until bedtime. Adam had no nightshirt and said he didn't want one. He planned to sleep without clothing as he had in the summer months in his camp. Ben wasn't entirely comfortable with that, but did insist that if he left his room, he had to wear a robe or pants. They said good night to each other, and Hoss and Little Joe came to his door to say good night as well before they went off to their rooms. Marie walked by on her way to tuck Little Joe in for the night and said nothing. Adam knew she resented his presence in the home but didn't understand why she was hostile. He knew nothing of inheritance and birthright. He did suspect it would be best if he tried to stay away from Marie as much as possible.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

In the morning, Ben and Marie continued the argument from the night before. Marie was concerned about the safety of Hoss and Little Joe with someone she considered a stranger in the house and one who had killed before. She preferred if he would have stayed in the bunkhouse.

"Marie, that is enough. He killed to save our lives. He has a strong moral code. He will do what is necessary to protect us. Most important is that you remember that he is my son, not a stranger. He hasn't lived with us, but that is no reason to suspect that he is anything but a good person. Have you seen anything to indicate to you that he is a threat to anyone?"

"He attacked Nelson the last time he was here. Then he blatantly disregarded your orders. That got you to fire him, but now you seem to have forgotten all about that."

"Marie, he was taunted by Nelson, and you know that. Nelson does that to every new hand here. As for disregarding my orders, he did the right thing, and I was wrong to fire him. You know that I sometimes make bad decisions when I'm angry. Now give the boy a chance. He is aware you don't like him, by the way. He asked me about it."

"It isn't so much that I dislike him. I'm afraid of him and what he might do."

"Now don't worry. He acts with the best of manners almost all the time, and he has been very friendly with Hoss who likes him a lot already. Let's go down to have some breakfast, and then I want to take Adam to town to buy some clothing and other things for his room."

Riding to town, Ben got more information from Adam on his life with the Newe. He was amazed at his son's ability to survive. He had to wonder though about Adam's true thoughts because he talked so dispassionately about his life with the Pawnee and then with the Shoshoni. Ben thought that most would have been feeling a lot of anger and resentment, but Adam seemed to have neither of those. Ben felt so guilty about the fact that Adam lived with the tribe longer than he lived with his father. Adam had never truly had a home, and Ben was determined that he would do everything he could to make sure Adam knew that he did have one now. Once they got to town, Ben drove to the sheriff's office first which had Adam concerned. Ben noticed and smiled.

"No, it's nothing to worry about. Sheriff Roy Coffee is my oldest and dearest friend here. He's going to want to meet you and know your story. Once he knows, no one will challenge the story."

"Why would anyone challenge the story? It is the truth."

"Well, the Ponderosa is worth a lot of money. Many people around here are our friends, and they know that there are unscrupulous people who would try to grab it away from us. So they might wonder about a long lost son who suddenly shows up just when the Ponderosa just got much larger."

"People would do that? Try to come here to steal what you have?"

"Yes, they would. We have to be careful all the time."

"Is it worth it to have so much that you live in fear that someone will try to steal it all?"

"Well, we don't live in fear. We're just careful. Now didn't the Shoshoni worry that their enemies might try to take what they had?"

Frowning a little at the thought, Adam had to agree and nodded. Even though they had less, they worried about their enemies trying to take their horses or hunt on lands they had traditionally used. Adam had been too young to fight, but he knew that sometimes groups of warriors went out to repel enemies. There had always been a lot of tension in the camp when that happened. He understood it better now.

Leading the way, Ben walked into Roy's office. Adam saw an older man with a friendly look and very alert eyes. Adam liked him right away. There was no pretense about him, and it was clear that he was very intelligent.

"Well, good morning to ya, Ben, and who have ya got there with you?"

"Roy, this is probably going to be a surprise and maybe even a bit of a shock, but this is Adam, my son." Roy's eyebrows raised but there was no suspicion. He accepted when Ben said and then he shook Adam's hand. Inside the office, the three of them sat down, and Ben told Roy the whole story. Roy was amazed by it, but had to agree with Ben that this had to be his son. With that assurance, they bid Roy good day, and went to see Ben's other good friend, Doctor Paul Martin. The whole thing proceeded much as it had with Roy except as they were leaving, Paul asked Ben if Adam was always that calm and dispassionate when talking about his ordeals. With Ben's affirmation of that, Paul told him quickly that captives when released often identified with their captors and resented their release, hated what had been done and tried to forget it ever happened, or held it all inside.

"What happens to those who hold it inside?"

"Some harm themselves or others. There's no way to predict when that control he has will be overwhelmed, and he acts out. Some drink, some do other things, but the key is to watch for signs of the tension. He will at some point have to come to an emotional acceptance of what was done. The first sign would probably be anger. Just watch over him, Ben. He looks like a man in many ways, but he's just a boy too, and one who has suffered a great deal of deprivation. He seems to have made him strong and invincible, but no one is like that. It's his shield."

Blessed with superior hearing and taught for years to listen well, Adam overheard some of that. He was determined to prove the good doctor wrong. He was sure he could maintain the icy control of his emotions just as he had for so many years. This was just one more survival test as far as he was concerned.

In the mercantile, Ben bought Adam a white shirt, a black shirt, a red shirt, some striped pants to wear to church and for more formal occasions, two dark blue work pants, new boots, a new hat, handkerchiefs, socks, and a nightshirt despite Adam's protestations that he wouldn't wear the nightshirt. Ben picked out a new holster and pistol as well as a new rifle for Adam who said he didn't need them, but Ben insisted. Then he asked Adam if there was anything else he wanted or needed. He mentioned paper, pencils, books, and candy to give to his brothers. Ben had him pick out three books, and had the other items added to their stack of purchases. Their next stop was the saddlery where Ben ordered a new saddle and saddlebags for Adam. He asked the owner to please make sure the Ponderosa brand was tooled into both. By that time, Adam was feeling very good about things. In the tribe, the more that was paid for a slave or for a wife, the more valuable they were. Even though Adam thought some of the items Ben purchased were unnecessary, to have Ben buy all these things for him showed that his father valued him highly. Ben had no idea that he had made such a good impression. Perhaps it was good that he did not know, or he might have bought even more.

By the end of the day, Adam was smiling as they loaded up the carriage for the ride home. Now he understood why his father had wanted to use the carriage and not ride horses to town. His first trip to his new town had gone very smoothly. At lunch, they had met a number of other people in town who all were surprised to see Ben with a young man. There were some raised eyebrows but mostly congratulations to Ben for being reunited with his son and for Adam well wishes that he would enjoy living on the Ponderosa. Ben was overjoyed to see his son smiling for he had not seen that until that day. He was thinking that perhaps Paul was mistaken, and Adam would adjust well to being part of his family again.

When Ben and Adam arrived home, Little Joe was jealous because not only had Adam spent the day with their father, there were lots of packages taken up to Adam's room. Little Joe got over most of his peevishness though when Ben handed him his own package that he tore open to find a pair of pants and a shirt as well as a small pair of boots. Marie probably would have objected more except Little Joe was so excited and wanted to wear his new clothing immediately. When he came down the stairs later clomping in the boots with a big grin, Ben was proud of his little son. He looked like a boy now although his hair was still much too long, but Ben had won the biggest battle so he decided to wait on the hair issue. Hoss was thrilled that Adam had thought of him and enjoyed his peppermint sticks immensely. Little Joe was jealous of Hoss then because Marie said he couldn't eat his peppermint sticks because he had his new clothes on and would get them dirty.

For the next week, Adam spent his time learning about the ranch in all its aspects. He rode out with Ben every day to work with him, to meet people on the ranch, and to get to know how to do all the jobs. When they were at the breaking corrals trying to break some mustangs that the hands had brought in from the northernmost section of the Ponderosa, several of the men asked Ben if Adam would like to give it a try.

"Your boy is an excellent rider, Mr. Cartwright. Do you think he would like to try doing this?"

"Well, go ahead and ask him." Adam had stepped up to the corral where the horses were collected and was evaluating them. He saw a couple of horses he thought would make excellent horses for ranch work, and one in particular that he liked a lot. When the hands asked if he would like to try breaking a horse, he agreed and then asked what he was supposed to do. When he thought he understood what he had to do, he asked for a particular horse to be brought to the chute. Once there, a saddle was added and the men did their best to calm the horse down. As Adam slid down on the horse's back, the horse bucked just a little in the chute, but some calming words and pats on the neck, and the horse calmed again. It looked like everything would work out well until just as the chute was opened, Nelson jabbed a stick into the side of the horse causing it to jump out sideways and then start bucking. Nelson laughed hysterically as Adam nearly lost his seat immediately, hung on as well as he could, and had to be pulled from the horse which would not settle down. Adam walked to the chute, climbed over the fence, and promptly smashed Nelson in the mouth.

"Don't you ever do anything that vicious again, or I'll kill you."

If Adam had yelled, been red in the face, or shaken his fist, the men might have thought he didn't mean it and was just angry. But the cold quiet way he said it left no doubt that he meant it.

Ben came over to try to defuse the situation as Nelson jumped to his feet ready to fight.

"Adam, I'm sure he meant it as a joke. I know it isn't funny, and it was a stupid thing to do, but it's not serious enough to threaten a man over."

"I could have been killed, and that horse could have been lamed. To me, that's serious enough, and I meant what I said."

"Mr. Cartwright, your boy threatened my life. What are you going to do about that?"

"There's really only one thing I can do. Nelson, you're done here. You can come up to the house and get the pay that is due to you. Then you can pack your gear and head out."

Incensed by that, Nelson turned to the other hands for support and found none. No one had ever stood up to him for long because he would torment and haze them unmercifully if they did. There had been a number of new hands who had left because of him. He did his job and was competent but his antisocial behavior meant he had no friends on the ranch. The men were glad that Adam had forced the issue, and they could get rid of the only difficult person in the bunkhouse. Realizing that no one was going to take his side, Nelson mounted up and rode to the house. Ben followed him after telling Adam to try his hand at another horse for he seemed to have a knack for it. Having been able to stay on that last horse even a short time had earned him the respect of the men there. The hands pulled another horse for Adam to ride, and he rode it to a standstill. He rode another six horses before Hank said it was enough. He warned Adam he might be very sore later and to make sure he soaked in the tub that night.

At the house later, Hop Sing was talking to Ben. "Number one son take bath. Wear new clothes. He make lot of work for Hop Sing."

"Aw, I didn't do that, Hop Sing."

"No, not you. You number two son now. New son who is old son is number one son."

"Huh, oh yeah." Hoss had been confused for he had been called number one son ever since Little Joe was born. Now he would have to get used to being called number two son.

Ben tried to placate Hop Sing though. "Well because you have more work to do, how about if I pay you one dollar more per week?"

"One day a week off too?"

"You can have Saturdays off unless we're hosting a big party or some other shindig like we are this weekend. You can hire a cousin or two to help on those days for one dollar each."

"Okay, Hop Sing accept terms." With that Hop Sing went back into the kitchen to chat with number one son who had told him to tell his father he should be paid more. When he went in and told Adam the news, they smiled conspiratorially. Hop Sing thought he would enjoy having this new Cartwright around.

Meanwhile, Ben was considering Hop Sing's terminology, his quick acceptance of more pay, and that for the first time in almost ten years, he had asked for a day off each week. Ben began to suspect from where those ideas had come. He smiled though for it was good that Adam was fitting into the household so well. Now if he could only get Marie to accept that, but now she was talking about how it would be good to send Adam to a boarding school. Ben wouldn't do it, but knew she could be relentless when she got stuck on an idea like that and would insist just as often as he refused. He never gave in to such requests, but he found that it could be very unpleasant for him until she gave up, and that could take a very long time sometimes. He didn't look forward to their next conversations at all.

As the day of the party neared, Marie got more and more agitated. She had attended parties and such in New Orleans, but she had never hosted one. Hop Sing assured her that he would have plenty of food for the people to eat and that he would take care of decorations outside. Ben had a whole steer butchered and on a spit by early that morning. Decorations were in place so by afternoon, all that was left to do was to dress for the party. Ben realized he had neglected to purchase a tie for Adam so he loaned him one and then had to tie it for him. Hoss was dressed in a new blue shirt, and Little Joe was decked out in his new clothing as well. Ben thought they all made a handsome family and thought he should have a picture made. He was thinking that perhaps between Thanksgiving and Christmas, the whole family could travel to San Francisco. Once they were there, they could have a family portrait done. He mentioned that to Marie who was ecstatic about the possibility of a vacation in a city even if it was a small one.

The party was quite a success. People were laughing, eating, and dancing. Adam was the center of attention of the young ladies which made his father smile for it was clear the young man had little idea of what to do with all of the attention. Hoss was running about with the younger boys and having a grand time. Marie sashayed from one group to the next relishing the opportunity to be the hostess at the biggest party this area had ever seen. Dressed in her best gown and wearing the jewelry that Ben had given her, she looked the part too. The only unhappy one was Little Joe for although he had been complimented on his new clothing, he didn't get nearly the attention that Adam and his mother got. In addition, Hoss was ignoring him because he had boys his own age to join in the activities. Once the dessert was out on the tables, there seemed to be no end to the compliments that Marie received. Hop Sing had gone all out and the cake he served was beautifully decorated.

Almost completely ignored at that point, Little Joe decided to follow the direction Hoss and the other boys had gone. It didn't take long for him to be completely lost. He had never been outside of his mother's protection like this before and had no idea what to do. He sat down and cried. He assumed someone would come because he was crying for that had been his experience in life so far. But no one came, and it became darker. He got even more scared at that point and huddled on the ground with his arms wrapped around his legs and his knees up to his chin. That's when he heard a growl and started to whimper.

At the house by that time, Little Joe had been missed. Many of the guests had already left. Ben told Hoss to stay in the house, and he, Marie, and most of the hands grabbed weapons and headed out to search once they realized Joe was not in the yard or in any of the ranch buildings. Adam had started tracking while the others were searching the buildings expecting to find Little Joe hiding. He heard Little Joe's whimpering about the same time as he heard a wolf's growl. He drew the knife he always had in his boot and ran to where the sounds were.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

The hungry wolf approached Joe slowly. The little one didn't appear to have any weapons, but the old lame wolf didn't want to be surprised. It was very hungry. It couldn't run fast enough to catch live game, and the carrion had to be shared with so many that there was never enough to satisfy his hunger. He had grown thinner and weaker and couldn't compete with the other animals for food so he had ventured down here to find if there was food. He had smelled many things and was coming to investigate when this meal appeared before him. It didn't run and looked tempting, but he had lived this long by being careful. The hunters had killed his pack, but he had escaped with only one bullet in him. Unfortunately it was in his hip and prevented him from running at speed.

Suddenly there was another there, and the old wolf grew angry. How dare this one come between him and his food. He leaped at the newcomer who moved to the side quickly, and the old wolf felt a searing pain in its middle. It tried to bite the offender, but felt another severe pain in its chest and then felt no more.

Standing then, Adam had blood spattered across his shirt from the last arterial cut on the wolf and blood all over his right hand which still gripped the bloody knife. Little Joe had gone from whimpering to stunned silence. He knew that he had been in danger, and then suddenly Adam had been there to save him. He reached up his arms.

"Adam! I love you, Adam. You killed the bad dog." Little Joe started crying then and couldn't stop.

Wrapping his left arm around Little Joe to soothe him, Adam stayed on alert in case there were other wolves in the area. The moonlight was fading as clouds moved in, and he couldn't see very far into the trees around them. He did notice that the wolf appeared to have an injury. He was glad of that because even with his knife, the confrontation could easily have gone the other way if the wolf had not been lame. He noticed too how skinny the wolf was and knew that it had intended to eat Little Joe. The thought of it made his skin crawl. While in the Newe camp, a small child had been killed and partially eaten by a cougar. Adam would never forget the sight of those remains. He was so glad Little Joe had not met that end.

Joe's crying drew the others with Ben and Marie the first to see them. Adam stood then and Marie was aghast. Her little boy lay on the ground, and Adam stood with a long bloody knife in his hand and blood staining his shirt and his hand. She raised the rifle she had to fire, but Ben knocked it aside. Adam jerked to the side and then stood staring briefly at them. He was shocked. Next he turned and ran into the trees. Again Marie raised her rifle to fire and Ben grabbed the barrel pushing it up so that the weapon discharged harmlessly, except that Adam heard the shot and assumed it had been aimed at him.

"Marie, what are you doing? Put that rifle down, or I'll take it away from you."

"He killed our son! That bastard killed our son!"

Grabbing Marie by the shoulders, Ben shook her and then pulled the rifle from her hands. "Marie, listen. Our son is crying and needs you. Go to him."

Little Joe stood and grabbed his mother as soon as she got close. That's when both she and Ben saw the dead wolf.

"Adam kilt it, Mama. He let me hide behind him, and he kilt that bad dog. Then he hugged me. Why did Adam run away, Mama? I want Adam, Mama."

Ashamed, Marie knew she deserved the look she got from her husband then. Ben dismissed her. "You go with the hands to the house. I need to find my son, and I don't think he's going to be in a mood to talk with you."

Hundreds of yards away, Adam had come to the edge of the river. He dropped to his knees and sucked in air. He knew now that no one could love him. He had been fooling himself to think that anyone could want him and love him. She had tried to shoot him. Then there had been another shot. He needed to get going so they wouldn't get him. All he had was his knife, but he knew he would have to make do with that for there was no way to safely go back for his horses and guns. He began to wash the blood from his knife and from his hands. These clothes he was wearing were going to be a problem too for they were not made for travel and survival. He was already feeling a bit cold. In a near panic, he was thinking that he would travel down the river and that should hopefully take him further away from the ranch and those who wanted to kill him when he felt a hand on his shoulder. His thoughts roiled with emotions and had made him unaware of his surroundings. He had never heard his father approach as the noise of the river had masked any sounds he made.

Whirling about, Adam stood and began backing away holding the knife in front of him. His father stood there with a pistol and a rifle, but Adam was determined not to go down easy. His father set the rifle on the ground and put his hands out in a universal sign that he meant no harm. Adam paused for he had no idea what to think now. He had slipped back into survival mode and was reacting quickly to things that happened. People who did not react quickly did not survive long in the wilderness. But now Ben's actions had interrupted his flight, and his heart rate and breathing slowed.

"I'm so very sorry Marie did that. She is an emotional woman not prone to thinking before acting. All she saw was Little Joe on the ground and you standing there with a bloody knife and blood sprayed over you." Ben was quiet then letting his words penetrate. Whenever he dealt with a colt that was skittish and nervous he found that remaining still and talking with soothing words helped.

Standing silently but at least not running away, Adam slowly had his thought processes return to near normal. "But I got that way killing the wolf so it wouldn't kill Little Joe."

"I know that. I knew immediately that Little Joe was alive and that you had fought something. But Marie grew up in a city and is not familiar with such things. I hope you'll be able to forgive her."

"I can forgive her, but what does it matter. That she would so easily think those things of me means she will never accept me. I should leave."

The loud retort from Ben startled Adam and made him jump back a step. "No! I want you to stay. I love you son, and I could not bear losing you again."

Confused and in turmoil, Adam felt panic and other feelings that he had buried long ago come roaring to the surface. His knees felt weak, and he dropped down to sit on his haunches. He couldn't find any words. Ben knelt next to him and wrapped his arms around him. Stiff and unyielding, Adam did not react. Ben felt the rigid tension of his son's body and caressed his back softly and pulled Adam's head against his shoulder.

Thinking that Adam would gradually relax and then they could talk, Ben was surprised when he instead suddenly felt the weight of his son rest against him as Adam was wracked by sobs. He began crying and crying and seemed unable to stop. Ben held him and murmured soothing words. He felt Adam shiver and pushed him back just enough to unbutton the jacket he had donned as he had gone out to search for Little Joe. Ben pulled Adam to his chest again and wrapped the coat around him. He realized how skinny his son was as he held him in his arms for the first time since he was six years old. Gradually the sobbing stopped. Ben could feel that his shirt was wet, but there was no way that he was pushing his son away at this point. He thought he would hold him until morning if necessary. Slowly he heard murmurs and turned so that only the side of Adam's face rested on his chest.

"I'm sorry."

"Son, there is nothing for you to be sorry about. You did nothing wrong, and you saved Little Joe's life."

"But I cried like a child here."

"The way I see it, there were a lot of tears you didn't get to shed when you were a child. You had them in you all this time, and they had to come out."

"What if there are more?"

"I'll be here anytime you need me."

"Down here by the river?"

Detecting that he was being teased a little and knowing that meant Adam had his composure back, Ben asked if he was ready to go back to the house.

"I don't want to see her."

"You won't have to see her tonight. I'll get you in the washroom, and Hop Sing can help you with clean clothes and towels. You know he's going to complain a lot about those stains you have on this shirt. He'll never be able to get them out."

"I'm sorry for ruining the shirt you bought for me."

"Adam, you don't have to be sorry for things like that. We can get other shirts. I can't get another you, and I certainly can't get another Little Joe."

"He really is a pistol, isn't he? Hoss calls him that. I do not entirely understand it, but Hoss seems to think it is funny."

"Yes, Little Joe is a pistol. He's hotheaded and emotional like his mother. I'm going to need your help and Hoss' to raise him up. Marie can't seem to let her baby go."

"Pa, he listened to me. I told him to stay behind me and be quiet, and he was."

"You see, you are good for him. Now let's walk back. It's getting too cool out here." Ben pulled off his coat and wrapped it around Adam's shoulders. The wet shirt on his chest was a bit chilling, but his heart had heat enough for anything at this point. His son was really home now. He could feel it.

Once Ben got Adam to the house, he brought him to the washroom and then got Hop Sing who as expected complained of the bloodstains but also praised Adam for being his brother's protector. Hop Sing started water heating for a bath and handed Adam a blanket and told him to sit on the bench and wait. Wrapped in the blanket with his father and Hop Sing there, Adam felt warm and safe. He leaned back against the wall and closed his eyes.

Deciding it was time to talk to the rest of the family, Ben left the washroom where Adam was in Hop Sing's caring hands and entered the main room of the house. All three asked where Adam was and how he was.

"He's in the washroom." Looking directly at Marie, Ben made a pronouncement that they all knew could not be violated. "He wants some time to be alone. No one will bother him. He's very tired."

"Papa, can I tell you what happened?"

"Little Joe, I think I know what happened."

"But Pa, that wolf jumped up so high and Adam got it with his knife. Can I get a knife, Pa? I want to be like Adam."

"Little Joe, you're too young to have a knife."

"Hoss has a knife, but I want a big one like Adam's got."

"Little Joe, Hoss is six years older than you and got a pocket knife when he was seven. You will be seven in just over two years. Then you will get a pocket knife. Adam is twelve years older than you so it will be a long time before you get a knife like his."

"Benjamin, I am so sorry for what I did. It was just that I saw Little Joe on the ground and all that blood and I thought . . ."

Cutting Marie off, Ben was very direct. "He knows what you thought and what you tried to do. He didn't want to come back here because of you. He thinks you will never accept him in this family. For now, it would be best if you stayed away from him and let him get used to everything without your interference. And there will be no boarding school or anything like it. He will live in this house as my son and as a brother to Hoss and Little Joe. That's the way it's going to be, and I don't want to hear any more arguments about it."

"There won't be any more arguments. I was very wrong, and I will apologize to Adam when I am allowed to do so. He saved our son's life, and there can be no greater proof that he belongs here."

"That's just it, Marie. He shouldn't have had to prove himself. He's my son. Hoss and Little Joe will never have to prove that they deserve to be part of this family, to be loved. He shouldn't have had to either."

"I am truly sorry even if I have not expressed it well. I will treat him with all of the respect he deserves."

"And love? You love Hoss and he is not your blood. Why is it so hard to love Adam?"

"He is almost a man. He did not live with you for almost ten years. How can it surprise you so much that I did not automatically trust him? I will now, and I hope that is good enough for you because I cannot undo what is done."

"I'm sorry, Marie. I know you're sincere. It was just so difficult today to find how hurt he has been and to know how he has suffered for so long. I find it remarkable that he is as well mannered and pleasant as he is even if he has quite a temper. I think if I had suffered like that I might be angry all the time. I know that after Elizabeth died, and I had Adam in my care and so many things went wrong, I was angry at the world. It took Inger to bring me out of that anger and back to being a loving husband and father. Adam has not had anyone to help him. That boy has done it all himself. I can't help but admire what he has become despite the terrible treatment he's had, and I want his life here to be better. I can't bear the thought of him being unhappy and frightened that he will have no one to love him."

"Surely he doesn't feel unloved?"

"Marie, if not us, who would love him? Who would accept him as he is?"

Sitting quietly, Hoss and Joe had listened but not understood everything that had been said. Ben sat down then and explained more of what had happened to Adam over the years. By the time he finished, Hoss was in tears, and Little Joe was amazed. To his brothers, Adam now seemed more of a role model than just a curious addition to the family. Little Joe still had trouble understanding how Adam was his brother, but just like Hoss, he was, and he had to trust his parents were telling him the truth when they said that. Ben asked all of them to please retire early so that Adam could go to his room without feeling like he was being stared at and wouldn't have to feel uncomfortable at least for the rest of the night. There would have to be more talk and an apology from Marie, but Ben thought it could wait. He wanted to give Adam a peaceful night before he had to deal with anything more.

Once Marie herded the boys upstairs for the night, Ben went to see Adam in the washroom. Hop Sing handed him a kettle of warm water and told him that Adam had fallen asleep in the tub. Through the kitchen door into the wash room, Ben could see Adam's head laying against the back of the tub. He walked in and gently spoke to Adam as he touched his shoulder. Adam jumped and splashed some water. Ben helped him wash his hair and then scrubbed his back for him. Adam couldn't even remember anyone ever doing that for him and almost cried again. Ben could see how on edge his son was, so after he rinsed his hair, he reached for the towel and told him it was time to get out of the tub. Instead of dressing, he had him pull on his robe. Ben saw the scars on his side from that arrow long ago and wanted to reach out and touch them. He waited though until Adam had donned his robe and then wrapped an arm around his son's shoulders and walked him upstairs.

"You don't have to do this. I'm not a little boy."

"No, but for just this night, I want to do this for my son. I want him to know I would have done this every night of his life so far if I had been given the chance."

With a smile, Adam nodded and they continued to his room. He threw off the robe and slipped into his bed. Ben leaned down and kissed him on the forehead.

"I love you son. Know that always. I love you, and I always will."

"Thank you, Pa. I love you too, Pa, and I always will."

Both Ben and Adam had glistening eyes at that point. Ben turned down the lamp.

"Good night. I'll see you in the morning. We have some work to do before we all go to church services."

"Good night, Pa." It felt so good to Adam to feel that his father had completely accepted him. He had cried in his father's arms but had seen no derision in his eyes after that. Instead, his father had touched him and held him. He had been gentle and understanding as well as warm and smiling. Adam could hardly remember feeling like this. He knew that he had once felt warm and loved but it had been so very long ago. For the first time in his memory, he snuggled in to sleep and smiled as he relaxed into slumber.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

"But, Pa, he follows me everywhere. He even comes to the necessary with me and waits outside!"

"Adam, he's a little boy, and you saved his life. He knows that, and you're his hero. He wants to be like you so he follows you around. It won't last that long. He's four years old and normally has the attention span of a gnat."

Getting a little angry, Adam had a retort that wasn't as respectful as it should have been. "So you won't do anything?"

"No, I won't. With Little Joe, telling him not to do something is like challenging him to find a way to get it. And when you address me, you will speak in a proper tone of voice."

Falling immediately back into his previous boarding school personality, he answered in the proper tone but with no warmth. "Yes, sir."

Noticing the difference and not quite sure what to do about it, Ben nodded. "Just give it time, son, just give it some time." Adam turned and walked outside closing the door with exaggerated calmness that Ben knew hid the fury inside of him. Adam was learning to control his temper, but it was all still inside of him. Ben had talked to Paul about it and had learned nothing about what to do with him. A lot had improved in the relationship between father and son since the night Adam had sobbed into his father's shoulder. He had opened his heart to his father, and the two of them were able to talk about many different things from the years they were apart. Adam smiled more and laughed often especially when he was with Hoss. Those two had connected as if they had not spent so many years apart.

Even more promising, Marie was making a concerted effort to get to know Adam. She had pulled many of the books from the bookshelf in their bedroom and offered them to Adam knowing how much he liked to read. Because they were Marie's favorite books, and she had read each one a number of times, she was more than willing to discuss them with Adam after he read them. She had been amazed just recently after giving Adam a copy of Ivanhoe to read on a Friday. Marie had gotten the first edition of the book and it was one of her most cherished possessions. By Sunday evening he had wanted to start discussing it with her.

"Dear boy, you should read the whole book before we discuss it. I fear I may give away some of the story before you read it otherwise."

"But, Marie, I finished it."

"In two days?"

"Two and a half days. It was a longer book than some of the others."

Amazed, Marie sat down at the dining table with Adam, and the two of them discussed the book at length. Ben sat by the fireplace reading a paper that had come from San Francisco. Hoss and Joe were playing with toy soldiers on the hearth. Soon the two boys heard Marie describing how wars were fought in the twelfth century. The catapult idea sounded very intriguing. Marie told Adam the history of that weapon, and Adam was fascinated by the engineering principles of it. As Ben listened to the two of them talk, an idea that had been lying dormant in his head for at least a weak germinated and grew. He was determined that he should get Marie to tutor Adam in history, literature, French, drawing, and writing. He knew she would not be able to teach him arithmetic but Ben was thinking he knew who could do that.

As Ben sat there thinking he knew that Elizabeth would be so proud to know her son had the same curiosity and desire to learn as well as the natural intelligence she had possessed. He remembered how disappointed she had been that she could not pursue her education beyond grammar school despite all the colleges in Boston and near there, and he suddenly gasped. He had not informed Abel Stoddard that his grandson was alive. The man had apparently been devastated to learn that the only part of his daughter left to him, a grandson, had perished in an Indian attack. He would be so overjoyed to learn that Adam had survived and was a fine young man. Ben stood and went to his desk to write the letter.

On Monday morning, Ben sent Adam to ride with Hank and decide where to move the cattle in the pastures. Adam seemed to have a natural instinct for working out solutions to things like that so Ben was happy to turn that decision making over to him. At sixteen, he was already willing and able to shoulder responsibilities that many men older than him couldn't. Most of the men on the ranch were happy that Ben's long lost son was able to so quickly become a valuable part of the ranch operations, and others waited to see how he would do. One however was trying to think of a way to get even. His good friend Nelson had been fired from the Ponderosa. There weren't that many jobs out here and getting fired from the Ponderosa wasn't a good way to get one of them. Parker had been hired to replace Nelson, and did his job but waited for an opportunity to get revenge without getting caught for he needed the job too.

Because Ben had a letter to post and business in town, he left for the day. He took the wagon and planned to get the supplies they needed while he was in town. Marie went for her usual morning ride leaving Hoss to watch Little Joe. All would likely have worked well except Hop Sing did not know that both Marie and Ben had left and asked Hoss to gather eggs and pick green beans for dinner. Hoss and Little Joe had been experimenting with a simple catapult idea using a foot stool and a board to shoot small items like toy soldiers across the room. Both boys were laughing a lot when Hop Sing interrupted them.

"Now Little Joe, you just play with your soldiers and don't get into nothing else. I'll be back as soon as I finish these chores for Hop Sing."

"I promise, Hoss. Little Joe be good. You'll see."

Continuing to play with their version of a catapult, Little Joe tired of throwing his soldiers. He looked around for something better and saw the book that he had seen Adam reading. It was a nice thick book and he thought it would fly very well. He put it on the end of the board and pushed down but it didn't fly. He looked around for something higher to use. There was only the settee so he climbed up on it and carefully balanced the board and the book. Then with all his might, he slammed down on the board and the book flew. The problem was it flew right into the fireplace. Little Joe ran quickly and used the poker to pull if from the coals. Some of it was glowing so he quickly ran outside and dunked it in the horse trough. Then he looked at the sodden scorched book and worried about what would happen to him now. He had a sudden thought and ran inside to put the book away where no one would think to blame him for what had happened to it.

Dinner that night was convivial. Hoss told everyone how he had picked the green beans they were eating, and although he seldom liked to eat vegetables, he enthusiastically ate the ones he had been responsible for procuring. Marie was thinking that it might be a good way to get Hoss to eat more nutritiously so she decided that Hoss would get more garden chores. Little Joe was unusually quiet, and Marie felt his forehead for signs of fever but found none. Adam told them about how he and Hank had worked out a schedule for moving the cattle so that the pastures would not get so eaten down and grass would grow more lushly. Ben smiled at his oldest son becoming such an important part of the ranch. After dinner, Hoss asked Adam about his reading.

"You and Ma talk about those books you read. I can't read those books, but could you tell us a story from that last book? It sounded real interesting with fighting and stuff in it."

Soon Adam had Hoss as well as Little Joe enthralled by a tale of Ivanhoe searching for the fountain of youth, and meeting a coyote, a bear, a fox, and a cougar. Each animal had a clue for Ivanhoe as soon as he fought and defeated the dark warriors who were guarding them. Ben was listening and leaned over to Marie.

"I never read Ivanhoe, but this does not seem to be the story that you and Adam were discussing last night."

"No, it isn't. He has taken some of that story, added in a little history that we discussed, and the rest must be Indian legends for I am unfamiliar with them. He is very creative. The boys are mesmerized by this story."

"He is very bright. He needs a tutor. I don't know where we could get one out here though."

Thinking for a time, Marie hesitantly made a suggestion. "Perhaps I could tutor him. There are a number of subjects I know very well. I couldn't help him with other than basic arithmetic, but I could teach him a number of other things. Perhaps I could even teach him some French. Ben, what do you think? It could help bring Adam and me closer together."

"Marie, it's a wonderful idea. I wish I had thought of it." Ben sat with a smile then that let Marie know he had thought of exactly that, and that he approved heartily. They agreed that Marie would tell Adam that night after he finished the story.

After the story, the boys wanted Adam to tell another story, but Ben said it was time for all of them to go to bed although he asked Adam to stay downstairs for just a moment. Ben could tell Adam was worried so he began talking with him almost immediately.

"You don't have to think that every time we wish to speak with you that you did something wrong. We just have an idea we want to tell you and see what you think."

Marie's intuition kicked in then. "Adam, has it been your experience that when you are called to talk to people, that you will be punished?" Adam nodded. "Then perhaps in the future we need to say why we want to talk with you when we ask you." Marie gave a pointed look to Ben who understood her point, and he nodded as well.

"Adam, we think you need to learn more. You need a tutor though to guide you. Marie wants to be that tutor. She could teach you French, literature, writing, history, and drawing. Would you like to think about doing that?"

"Yes, I would. I mean, yes I want Marie to do that." Adam was smiling as much as they had ever seen him smile. "When could we start?"

"You can either start tomorrow morning or late in the afternoon. In the evenings you can work on whatever lessons Marie has started you on earlier that day."

"What about the ranch work?"

"You'll still have your chores in the morning, but from now on, you'll work half days. The other half of the day will be for your schooling. The only exception will be when we do drives. Then I will need your help, but you will have even more time in the winter. There's not that much to do when we get snowed in. It will help both you and Marie to have something important to accomplish during those months."

"That sounds very good, Pa. Thank you, Pa. Thank you, Marie."

"Now off to bed with you. You have some busy days coming up."

Shortly after Adam went upstairs, he was back downstairs. Both Ben and Marie had been surprised to see him walk so deliberately down the stairs. He walked to Marie and held out her first edition Ivanhoe. It was wet and scorched. Marie took it from his hands, and in shock, opened it to see that it was ruined. She stared at Adam wondering what could possibly have happened.

"Marie, I didn't do that. I left it on the table down here this morning. When it was gone, I assumed you had taken it. I don't know what happened."

Marie was fuming, but she was also thinking. She had seen the book that morning. Adam had not been in the house until dinner, and had not been upstairs at all. If it wasn't Adam, then it could only be Hoss or Little Joe. If Hoss had done something like this, he would have been in tears and begging forgiveness for he never wanted anyone angry at him but could never hide what he had done. That left only one possible culprit.

"I know, Adam, I know. I do not blame you, but I think I have some business with one of the boys upstairs. Where did you find this wreck of a book?"

"It was on the table in my room."

"Marie, do you want me to handle it?" Ben had followed the same line of reasoning as Marie had and had drawn the same conclusions.

"No, you have said I have been too lenient with him and have spoiled him. Now I see that you were right about that. It is time I take care of this." Once Marie got upstairs, her voice was loud enough that they heard it all.

"Did you do this?" There was some reply form Little Joe that was too difficult to understand, but they knew what he must have said based on the next statement. "Now you make it worse by trying to blame Adam. You destroyed this book, you hid what you did, and now you lie and try to blame your brother? Your punishment is going to be worse with every lie you tell. Now tell me the truth before it's any worse." They heard Little Joe's voice, and he was crying as well because his mother was very angry with him. Next they heard the slaps from his spanking and the screams of outrage from the little boy. Ben thought he could discern the slightest smirk on Adam's face, but thought if he was looking in a mirror, he might likely see that on his face too. This day had been a long time coming. Next they heard Marie talking softly and soon it was quiet before a very beleaguered looking Marie descended the stairs.

"Little Joe has been talked to and punished. I also told him that he's four years old and nearly five. He should have some chores to do every day. So, Benjamin, tomorrow, could you have a list of chores for Little Joe to do. Some should be what he will be expected to do every day, and add on a few tomorrow as punishment please." Then Marie sank onto the settee completely exhausted.

Walking over to Marie, Adam reached out for her hand. "Thank you, for believing me. Good night, Mama."

With that, Adam turned to leave, but Marie held his hand and pulled him back. "Good night, son."

Watching the two of them, Ben had tears in his eyes. This was happening much more rapidly than he had hoped. Then Marie tried to give Adam a hug, and he fled upstairs, Ben chuckled a little at Marie's chagrin. "He's not quite ready for that, my dear. But thank you for everything else you have done tonight. We will be a stronger family for all of it."

The next day, Little Joe was assigned some simple tasks to do, and then was sent into the kitchen to help Hop Sing by scrubbing the floor as the cook went to town for some additional supplies that were needed. Hoss offered to help Little Joe, and Marie agreed that he could do that. She thought it was probably a good thing to have someone who could watch over Little Joe as he worked.

That afternoon after lunch, Marie started lessons with Adam. It didn't take quite as long as it would on the following days because Marie wanted him to do some reading before they got to the lessons she had in mind. She did spend quite a bit of time though teaching him some of the basics of French and then a little about writing. She suggested his first writing assignment would be to write the story that he had told the boys a couple of nights earlier.

While Marie was working with Adam, Little Joe repeatedly asked his mother to come play with him or to take him outside. After about her fifth refusal, he threw a mighty tantrum lying on the floor kicking and screaming his unhappiness with her and with Adam for monopolizing her time. Marie walked over to him and swatted him a few times on the behind. He screamed louder then for it hurt a lot after what had happened the night before. Then she ordered him to fill the kindling box.

"But that's Adam's chore!"

"You will speak to me without yelling or you will be punished again. Now go do as you're told or I will add on another chore."

Grumbling, Little Joe went to complete the task. Marie and Adam finished for the afternoon, and Marie asked Adam to put all the books and papers in his room and then to come down to set the plates, glasses, napkins, and flatware on the table for dinner.

"Thank you, Mama, for all the help. I'll be right down."

Marie had to smile. She found that she did like Adam calling her Mama like Hoss did. At dinner, Marie put a pillow on Little Joe's chair as her one concession to spoiling him just a little. As they finished dinner, Little Joe got down from his chair and walked next to his father putting both hands on Ben's forearm and looking up at him sorrowfully.

"Pa, can I be three years old again? Four's too hard."


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

"Alkali, Mr. Cartwright, it's alkali."

"Well that's ridiculous! There isn't any source for miles from this watering hole."

Waiting for the inevitable, Hank stood next to his horse. When it happened, it wasn't quite what Hank had expected.

"I blamed Adam. I thought it was his fault the cattle were sick because he didn't check the watering hole before he moved those cattle. I told him he was more interested in his schoolwork than he was in the ranch."

"I'm sure he'll understand. That's a right smart boy ya got there."

"Yes, he is, and I should have known he would have checked the water. There's no way this happened naturally. Someone decided to foul our water and make the cattle sick. Now who would do that and why?"

"Big questions, but I ain't got no answers. I think you need to tell the sheriff though. This is just the same as rustling cattle. Somebody means to put you out of business."

"Yes, and last week someone must have put that jimson weed in the feed for the horses. There was no way that Adam would not have noticed those green leaves in the feed."

"Mr. Cartwright, have you noticed that everything that's gone wrong has been with something you asked Adam to take care of?"

Thinking for just a moment, Ben knew it was true. He wondered why he had not connected the dots on that earlier. "Yes, and the fence line he rode and said was sound was down the next day and cattle were scattered all over. Took us a full day's work to get them all back where they belonged. I told Adam that he needed to pay better attention next time he rode fence line. Now I realize I was the one who should have been paying better attention. Who do you think it could be? Any ideas?"

"Well if Nelson still worked here, I'd say it was him. But last I heard, he hired on with the Bishop ranch. Now ifn he wanted to make trouble for us from there, he could but somebody would likely notice. We got any trackers good enough to follow around here and try to pick up a trail?"

"Adam is probably the best tracker, but with all these cattle tracking in here, I don't think that anyone could find tracks. I'll ask him to try, though, right after I apologize to him."

"Don't be too hard on yourself, Mr. Cartwright. I was thinking some of the same things until this. Not unreasonable to think a young'un like him could make some mistakes. But I was here with him when we decided to move the cattle here, and we both drank some of this water. If it was bad, we would've been sick too. He woulda tasted it or smelt it too. He's got that kind of sense. That's what got me to thinking and why I asked you to ride out here with me today."

Wheeling his horse, Ben headed back to the ranch house. He needed Adam's help. When he rode into the yard looking dark and angry, Parker was working the forge with two of the other hands. He smiled expecting Adam was going to get another talking to. So far, he had gotten three of them, and soon Parker expected he would end up with a lot less responsibility around this ranch. At some point, he hoped to get him alone to administer a good sound thrashing, but he would have to do it in such a way that no one would know it was him. That was going to take some planning, and he began thinking about how to do it almost immediately. What surprised him a great deal though was Ben coming back out of the house with Adam. They saddled up two horses and headed out. Maybe the old man was going to confront his son with what he had 'done' for that was the only conclusion Parker could draw. Nothing else made sense to him.

Inside the house, Ben had made his sincere apologies but had also asked Adam if he thought he could track whomever had done it. Adam wanted to try so the two of them rode out to the pasture. Once there, Adam asked where the nearest source of alkali was and headed toward the part of the pasture in that direction without looking for any tracks by the watering hole.

"Aren't you even going to look for tracks?"

"Yes, but the cattle have wiped out any by the water. If someone brought alkali in though, then they must have ridden this way. I'm looking for a single set of tracks heading toward the water. Just wait there so you don't ride over any trail that might be here."

Noting how easily command came to his son, Ben smiled wanly. Hopefully they would find out who was the enemy and that should point them to the reason Adam was being targeted in these moves against the ranch. Watching his son riding slowly and carefully, Ben saw him leaning down in the saddle looking closely at the ground and then dismounting. Soon he called his father over.

"One man riding toward the watering hole. Do you want me to backtrack him?"

"Yes, but we'll be going together, and keep your pistol handy. We don't know what we're up against here."

Father and son tracked the horse to the alkali flats and then backtracked him all the way to the Ponderosa. Once they got there, Adam went into the corral walking behind each horse there. After checking out about ten horses, he called to his father.

"This is the horse he was riding. There's distinct mark on one shoe and that shoe is also missing a nail. This is the horse we were tracking."

By then, Hank was walking toward them, and Parker got nervous. He wondered why they were looking so intently at the horse he had been riding. He hadn't heard the conversation but seeing them with that sorrel meant they knew something. Luckily it was one of the horses available for all the hands to ride, but it still was far too close for comfort. He decided he needed to fulfill the last part of his plan soon for he might have to leave this ranch suddenly. In the horse corral, Hank was telling them what they needed to know at this point.

"Now this is one of the horses anyone can ride, but it's a favorite of Jamison, and Parker rides him on occasion. I rode this horse myself a few days ago, but otherwise it's mostly Jamison and Parker riding him."

"What do we know about those two?"

"Not much except I suspect that Jamison has spent time in a prison somewhere. He's got one of them tattoos they give prisoners sometimes so they can identify them. We've had some petty theft in the bunkhouse, and I've been thinking it might be him. Started not that long after he got hired."

"What about Parker?"

"Don't know much about him at all. He showed up looking for work, and that was just after we fired Nelson. He could do the job so I hired him. He does his work, but he isn't all that friendly with the other hands."

"I'd like to fire both of them." Seeing the look Adam gave him, Ben added a quick amendment. "That's what I'd like to do, but one of them is innocent. Put a watch on them, Hank. If either of them rides out at night, I'd like to know."

Unfortunately, that night a thunderstorm was heading in. With a fence still down, and sick cattle on the range, Ben and Hank sent the men out to watch over the herd and keep them settled down as much as possible. Adam rode out to help. His singing had a way of soothing the cattle. As the night wore on, the men rode their dispirited horses and hunkered down in their slickers wishing the storm would blow itself out. Several times lightening had hit too close for comfort, but they had a job, and this was one of the worst aspects of it. Luckily it didn't happen very often. It was Adam's first night in a storm, and it went against all of his senses to stay out in weather like this. He was learning all about ranching though, and this was part of it. Ben and Hank had no way of knowing that the sabotage was ended for Parker who didn't want to get caught, but that his revenge would take a different form on this night.

As Adam rode, he occasionally saw other hands riding near him and helping to circle the cattle keeping them bunched up and in one place. Therefore he paid no heed when one more hand rode near him until a lariat settled over him. He had just a second to react before he was pulled from his horse and dragged. As it was happening, he wondered whom it could be that would do such a thing. Then his head hit a rock, and darkness took him.

Dragging Adam turned out to be easier than Parker had thought. The young man was light compared to the men who worked this ranch. He rode to a nearby tree, and threw the rope over a branch. Then he pulled until he had Adam hanging a few inches off the ground there with the rope binding his arms to his sides. Parker looked at him expecting him to be conscious and found instead that he was completely unconscious or so he thought. Parker pulled the bandana he had used to hide his face. With the slicker and the rain, he guessed that Adam would never be able to identify him. Now he was unconscious and certainly would be useless as a witness. Parker was thinking he couldn't have done this better. He chuckled when he heard wolves in the distance.

"Now that's for my old friend Nelson. You mess with one of us, that means you mess with the other. I done what I told Nelson I would do. I got his revenge for him. That blood on your forehead might just be enough to draw them wolves in for the kill or at the very least scare the piss out of ya when ya hear em."

Parker rode off then to gather up Adam's horse and take it to another pasture to let it wander. When the men there found it, they would surely start looking, but mostly they would be wasting time. Parker smiled at his own cleverness. Riding in to the ranch in the early morning hours, he saw Ben Cartwright and a number of riders heading toward the pasture where he had left Adam's horse. He figured they would probably waste a few more hours looking while Adam hung in that tree in which he had left him. With several other trees around, it would be hard to see him hanging there in the shade unless you were very close to him. It might be midday before anyone saw him.

"Mr. Cartwright, this may be where the men found his horse, but this ain't the pasture he headed out to last night." Hank was concerned because none of this was adding up to him. Too much just didn't make sense. He couldn't see how Adam would have been unhorsed, and none of the other men had seen anything. He started asking around about who had worked where Adam worked and none of these men had seen him. "Boss, that pretty much sums it up. He wasn't in this pasture. He was in the other one."

That made Ben very angry but also very worried. Someone apparently had deliberately misled them. He wheeled his horse and headed to the other pasture several miles away. Once there, the men spread out in a search pattern. It didn't take long. Jamison found Adam and cut him down. By the time his calls got the others' attention and they arrived at the spot, Jamison was holding Adam's head up and giving him sips of water. Ben jumped from his horse to be at his son's side.

"Mr. Cartwright, he's half out of his head. He keeps saying Parker and then Nelson. What do you suppose he means by that?"

"I think I know. Adam, son, can you tell me who did this to you?"

With the sips of water, Adam was able to talk. He was hoarse but lucid. "Parker; I heard him talking. I think he thought I couldn't hear him, but I could. I just acted like I didn't feel the pain. I've done it before."

"Can you ride?"

"I don't know. Everything looks fuzzy."

Slowly Ben realized that the dried blood on the side of Adam's face that had made him worry about a serious cut likely meant Adam had a concussion. Carefully Ben helped Adam sit up. He immediately leaned to the side.

"Pa, I'm gonna be sick." Adam began retching, but all that came up was the water that he had been drinking and normal stomach fluids.

"Mr. Cartwright, you want us to go get a wagon for him?"

"Yes, Hank, I think that may be best. I'd take him on my horse, but that might just make him sicker. Send one of the men to get the doctor too. Hopefully he's in town today, and tell Roy we're going to need him too. And men, not a word of this to the other men until Hank and I get a chance to talk with Parker. Is that understood?"

A chorus of answers in the affirmative resulted before the men headed back toward the ranch house to carry out their jobs. Ben asked Hank and Jamison to stay.

Adam had closed his eyes and was resting with his head cradled in Ben's lap. The ground was wet and soon he was shivering. Ben pulled off his jacket and with Hank and Jamison helping, they got the slicker off of Adam and wrapped Ben's still warm coat around him.

"Boy's a might skinny, ain't he? With him wearing that heavy shirt and the vest with them chaps, I never realized it before. Mr. Cartwright, ya better start feeding that boy more."

"He's not used to the type of food we eat yet. He eats mostly meat with some bread."

"I can hear you, and please don't talk about food." Adam was pale and his eyes were closed, but apparently he also was nauseated and didn't want to think about food. He was rather enjoying being held by his father. In this situation, no one would say anything negative about someone his age being in his father's embrace.

"Jamison, I have to clear the air with you. We thought you might have been in on the trouble that's been happening around here. That was unfair. I thought of your prison background and jumped to a conclusion. I am sorry. You found my boy, and I will be forever grateful for that."

"Sir, I have to admit that sometimes I pick up things I ought not to, but I never hurt nobody. I went to prison for thefts. I won't do nothing that bad ever again. I promise you that."

"Next time you feel the urge to pick up something you ought not to, you come talk with me. We'll work something out."

"Thank you, Mr. Cartwright. I'll work hard for ya. Do you have any idea why Parker woulda done this? He never seemed to have a problem with you folks."

"That's the biggest question right now. I hope Roy can help us with that."

Soon after, one of the hands drove the buckboard to them. Marie was on the seat with a bag of their medical supplies. She jumped down as soon as the wagon almost stopped and rushed to Adam's side. Looking at the cut on his head she determined that it could wait until they got home. Then she had Ben pull his coat and Adam's coat and shirt off and that's when Ben realized that Adam was more seriously injured than he had known. He had several severe bruises and it appeared that perhaps some ribs were cracked. Marie helped Ben strap the ribs and then she pulled Ben's coat back around him. They helped Adam to the wagon so he could lie on the bunkhouse mattress that was in the back. Marie climbed in beside him and pulled a thick wool blanket over him. Quietly then she made a request of Ben.

"You need to pull those wet boots and pants off of him. I brought a soft cotton flannel blanket to wrap him in, but I think he would be less embarrassed if you took care of it. I'll sit on the wagon seat and wait."

Hearing that, Adam was a little embarrassed, but Ben did his best to soothe him. "It's a slow ride back to the house with you in this condition. You're going to be too cold especially after last night. We need to warm you up and it's difficult to do that with those wet clothes on you. You'll be well wrapped in these blankets." Ben pulled off Adam's wet boots and then his wet pants. He wrapped the thick cotton flannel blanket around Adam and then covered him with the wool blanket. Adam lay back and closed his eyes. Ben put his hand on his son's shoulder after caressing his cheek softly. After Marie climbed back into the bed of the wagon to sit by Adam's side, they rode that way all the way back to the house.

By the time the wagon reached the house and Adam was carried inside, Sheriff Roy Coffee and Doctor Paul Martin were there. Roy questioned Adam briefly before Paul said it was enough and moved to care for his patient. Marie stayed to help Paul, and Ben went to speak with Roy. They were going to confront Parker and see what he had to say. When they got to the bunkhouse, Hank said that Parker was gone. As soon as he had noticed the looks he was getting, he must have figured it out, packed up his stuff, and left.

Going back to the house, Ben and Roy discussed what to do next. A wanted poster for assault and attempted murder would go up on Parker. Based on what Adam had told them, he had been dragged and then hung in the tree. With what Parker had said to him when he thought he was unconscious, it justified the charges in Roy's mind. Ben was uneasy having both Nelson and now Parker out there basically both gunning for his son, but there was nothing he could do about it at the moment. Doctor Paul Martin came downstairs then to explain Adam's injuries.

"He has some cracked ribs, bruises on his shoulders, legs, and back from being dragged and then hung in that tree. I stitched up that cut in his head, and the concussion is a mild one. He'll have a nasty headache, but I don't see any other problems from that. Now I am a little concerned about his breathing. He could only take shallow breaths with that rope around him and those rib injuries. He was cold and it was damp."

"Are you telling me that my son might have pneumonia?"

"Not yet, but you need to watch him carefully. Keep him propped up on pillows to ease his breathing. Give him lots of nice hot beverages to drink. Keep him in that bed too. He needs rest, lots of rest, and he needs to eat more. He's too thin for his build."

"We'll do that, Paul. Thank you. Would the two of you like to join us for lunch? Hop Sing is almost ready to serve."

Both declined having to go attend to other matters, but wouldn't mind a sandwich, so Hop Sing prepared large ham sandwiches for the two men, as well as some broth and tea for Adam. Marie took it up to him and waited until he finished both. Then she told him to get some rest. As she was leaving the room, Hoss and Little Joe were right outside the door.

"He ain't gonna die, is he?"

"No, Hoss, your brother will be just fine."

"Mama, are you sure? What can I do? Adam saved my life from that bad dog, so I wanna help him."

"Well, perhaps you could do something. First, you go in and give him a big smile and say hello. Then you leave him to his rest, and try to play quietly so he can sleep."

"We can do that easy."

"Yes, Little Joe, I think you can. Now quickly before he falls asleep. Remember, just a smile and a hello. He needs his rest."

The two younger brothers went in and did as requested. A small smile from Adam in return made them happy they had done as requested. Then they went downstairs for lunch. By early afternoon, the storm was back with lots of thunder and lightning. Little Joe wanted to sit with his mother, but she said he was old enough to not need to be held during a storm. A short time later, Marie couldn't find Little Joe and began looking all over the house for him. Finally because it was the only place she had not looked, she quietly cracked open the door to Adam's room. Adam was resting comfortably but was awake with a large lump at his side. He lifted the cover enough for Marie to see Little Joe snuggled up next to his oldest brother and sound asleep. Adam smiled at her and nodded. She pulled the door shut and smiled as well. Her family had never seemed more complete than it was at that moment.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

"He can't be serious! That old pirate and his schemes!"

"Ben, what is it?"

"Abel wants Adam to come to Boston to visit him. He says he could never survive the trip out here and that Adam deserves to know the rest of his heritage. I just got him back. I can't let him go."

"Perhaps you should ask Adam what he wants to do?"

"He's my son. He's only sixteen."

"He is almost seventeen now. Within a month, he will be. And isn't he a man already too? He has experienced more tragedy and heartache than many do in a lifetime. He has lived on his own already and made his own way in the world. He could do it easily again. He chooses to live here with us as part of the family, but he could leave quite easily anytime he wished. He has earned the right to be part of this decision. Besides now that he has discovered girls, it might be safer to have him visiting his grandfather. I fear one of these girls may succeed in trapping him into a marriage."

"Anyone in particular that you're worried about?"

"Yes and no. He seems to move from one to the next, but there are a few who seem to follow him wherever he goes when we're at church or at a dance. If he were to fall for one any one of their charms, I'm afraid that a father would be at our door demanding marriage. He may be a young man, but I don't think he's ready for that."

"I don't either. I have thought that he might go to school. There's a nice college in San Francisco now. He could go there."

"There are fine colleges in Boston too. Perhaps we should lay out all the positives and negatives and let Adam decide."

"There's no rush. The schoolteacher has been tutoring him on arithmetic on Saturday afternoons, and he has told me that Adam has probably another year to go before he would have enough knowledge of that to apply to a college."

"Letters take so long to go back and forth, it could be nearly a year before we find out if a college in Boston would accept him."

"I'll ask the teacher when he comes out on Saturday what he thinks about Adam being ready for a college. He's missed so much schooling, I can't even begin to understand how he learned so much in such a short time."

"Ben, you said he could read before he was taken. Then he had two years of schooling on that post until he left. Now he has had a year of tutoring here by me and by Mr. Edwards. Most children out here don't get that much. He's had nearly as much time learning as Hoss has. In fact Hoss is doing better with his school work now because Adam helps him, and Adam learns from that too."

"I suppose you're right. I'll send a letter off to Abel to see if he can find a school to accept Adam. If he can, I guess it would be all right if Adam wanted to go to school out there and live with his grandfather although I hate the thought of missing any more time with him. We'll wait to tell Adam though until we know what options he has."

"Options for what?"

So intent on their conversation, Ben and Marie had not heard Adam come in. He didn't stomp in like Hoss or race in like Little Joe. It was harder to know where he was because he moved so quietly and gracefully. Now that he had heard that much, Ben decided to tell him everything. When he finished, Adam was quiet.

"Did I ever know this grandfather?"

"No, you were just a baby when we left Boston."

"So, I am the only family he has left?" At Ben's nod, Adam was quiet again for a short time. "Regardless of what happens with my schooling, I think I should go see my grandfather."

No matter how much Ben wanted to argue that wasn't necessary, he knew he would be reacting emotionally by saying that. Logic did favor the idea of Adam and his grandfather at least meeting, and the only way that was going to happen was if Adam traveled to Boston. Abel was in poor health that meant that the trip should happen sooner rather than later. Ben and Marie already knew then where Adam was likely to go to school. Mr. Edwards did think that they ought to give the graduation exam to Adam, and the results a week later were that he already knew enough to enter a college, and he still had a year to work on his weakest areas. There was enough there though for Ben to follow Marie's advice and begin contacting colleges to see if they would admit Adam and what the cost would be for tuition.

On the Monday following Adam's success with the exam, Ben took Adam with him when he went to town to pick up supplies. Jamison and Hank took a second wagon so that they could restock the grain supplies that had been depleted over the winter months. Both Ben and Adam had a letter to post to Abel Stoddard. Adam had worked most of Sunday telling his grandfather about himself and how much he looked forward to meeting him and seeing Boston. As Ben talked with his son, he realized that Marie was correct in that Adam had chosen to live with them on the Ponderosa. He certainly could have left and managed on his own. It was a measure of the love he had developed for his family that he stayed there with them.

Roy met them as they left the mercantile and told them that Parker had been arrested and was in jail. The trial would be held when the circuit judge came to town in about a week's time. Ben had some errands to run, and Roy walked with him as the two old friends talked about the winter and new projects the town was considering. Adam found a couple of girls who liked having some time to talk with the dark haired young man with the unique past. As Adam stood on the steps outside of the mercantile flirting with girls and enjoying himself, he heard his name called. He turned slowly and there was Nelson in the street looking like he wanted to fight.

"Cartwright, I'm calling you out. You're a coward and a liar. Get out here now, and on the count of five, you can draw, or you can run home to your daddy like a little boy. What's it gonna be?"

Moving into the street and away from the girls so that they would not be in danger, Adam walked carefully. He didn't want to give any sign that he might be drawing and trigger Nelson into a rash act.

"Why do you want to fight me? I've done nothing to you."

"You lying little weasel. You've done plenty. You got me fired. You got my friend Parker locked up for nothing. Here you are walking around like nothing's wrong, and he's charged with hurting you and trying to kill you. Now how can that be ifn you're not even hurt?"

"I was hurt, but that was six months ago. Everybody heals up."

"No, you lied. Now draw or I'll shoot you down where you stand."

"I don't want to fight you."

"No, you cowards never do want to fight, but you ain't got no choice here. You can't lie your way outta this one."

As Ben exited the bank with Roy, he saw Adam standing in the middle of the street about to draw on Nelson. He wanted to rush over there and stop it, but Roy grabbed his arm.

"It might be too late to stop it now, Ben. Don't rush in and distract Adam though. That might be the edge that Nelson is hoping for. You walk around slow, and I'll go the other way. Maybe we can stop Nelson before this goes any further."

Watching Nelson carefully, Adam saw his father and the sheriff trying to get Nelson between them. Undoubtedly they wanted to stop this gunfight before it happened. Nelson caught sight of them with his peripheral vision though and got ready to draw. He and Parker had talked it over. If Adam Cartwright was dead, there was no evidence that would convict Parker. He had to kill him. Without warning, Nelson drew before Ben and Roy could stop him. The rest was as if it was in slow motion as blood spiraled into the air and the body fell to the earth mortally wounded. There was silence for a moment as the shock of what had happened hit everyone. Then Ben was running, and when he got to Adam, he pushed his arm down.

"You can put your gun away, son. It's over. It's all over now."

After checking Nelson for signs of life, Roy walked over to Adam. "Son, you couldn't do anything else. Everybody here says the same thing. He called you out, and he drew first. Where in tarnation did you learn to shoot like that?"

Shaking his head a little, Adam was unable to answer. He was about to turn seventeen and had already killed another man. Roy told Ben that Adam would have to come over to the office and sign a statement, but it was a formality and they could leave as soon as that was done. Some men carried the body over to the undertakers as Ben and Roy escorted Adam to the sheriff's office. As they entered the office, Parker yelled out to them from the jail cell in the back.

"Well ya gotta let me go now. Without a witness, you ain't got nothing to hold me on now do ya?" Parker had assumed the gunshot he had heard was Nelson's. Neither of the two men had ever considered that Adam might win a gunfight.

"Now you be quiet back there. As soon as I get Adam's statement about killing Nelson, I'll be right back there to talk with ya." Dead silence greeted that statement and got a smirk from Roy. After Adam wrote out his statement and signed it, Roy told Ben to take his son home. As they drove the wagons out of town a short distance, Adam asked Ben to stop. He jumped down from the wagon and ran to the trees at the side of the road and retched until he was bent over in exhaustion. Ben wrapped an arm around him and led him back to the wagon. When they both got up on the seat, Ben put his arm around Adam again and held him close. They rode the rest of the way home that way as Ben talked with his son.

"Adam, you've killed before when you had to. This was no different. Why are you sick and upset this time?"

"I've been this way each time. I never wanted to kill anyone, but sometimes it's necessary. Each time, my stomach tells me it was wrong, but I couldn't let him kill me, could I?"

"No, you did what you had to do. It is a measure of you as a man that you regret the taking of a life even when you had no other choice. I'm very proud of you. I have to tell you, I was so scared though. I thought he might shoot you and perhaps kill you."

"There have been others who thought that. I didn't let them. I practiced with my weapons until I was as good with each one as I could be."

Riding behind them, Hank and Jamison talked. They had both been amazed at the speed and accuracy of Adam. They had no idea he was that good with a gun. They had wondered too at how cool he was standing in that street and facing his adversary. When they saw him retching though, they realized he was still a boy and very human in his feelings that he normally hid so well. They saw how pale and shaken he was by what had happened, and how he was leaning into his father as they rode home. Once they reached the yard of the Ponderosa, Ben asked the men to unload both wagons, and he walked Adam into the house. Marie stood from where she had been sitting and sewing to rush to them as they entered.

"What happened to him? Is he sick?"

As Ben explained what had happened, he guided Adam to the settee before getting him a small brandy. Adam didn't drink, but Ben was thinking he might want some brandy at that point. Adam coughed when he drank the brandy, and then sat back and stared into the fireplace.

"I had no idea what that would be like to stand and face an enemy like that. I stood there, Pa, wondering if he would kill me or if I would kill him. There didn't seem to be a way out. I was scared. He would have shot me if I tried to leave. I've never faced someone like that. Every other time, it seemed that things were happening so fast, and I reacted to things without thinking. All I wanted to do was protect myself, or on that drive, to protect you and Hoss. This was different. He didn't need to face me like that. He could have gone on his way and still be alive. I'll see his face in my mind forever. He looked so surprised and then so hurt when I shot him. Pa, what could I have done?"

"He meant to kill you. There was nothing else you could do. You had to defend yourself. I know you're suffering now, and it will take some time to come to terms with what happened, but no one blames you for doing what you had to do."

"Pa, I killed a man when they were attacking you and the other hands. It didn't feel like this."

"Then you were in the heat of battle. You killed from a distance, and he was lying face down and dead when you did see him. It's a lot different looking into another man's eyes knowing he wants to kill you and having no other options other than to kill or be killed. You're not saving someone else then; you're saving yourself. Then to see his blood pour out of him as his life fades away is a burden to carry."

Soon Little Joe and Hoss came running in then having heard the hands discussing what Adam had done. Both were very excited but Hoss knew that something wasn't quite right when he saw his parents so he didn't say anything. Little Joe was too young to understand that and blurted out what he heard.

"Adam shot a man down dead. He's a real gunfighter, ain't he, Pa?"

"Little Joe, your brother is not a gunfighter. He defended himself against a man who wanted to kill him. Now you and Hoss need to go back outside until dinner."

"But, Pa, I wanta see Adam's gun."

"Little Joe, you will do as you're told." That tone of voice left no room to question so Little Joe let Hoss lead him from the room. Once outside, both boys ran to the bunkhouse to see if the hands had any more to tell them.

Sitting at Adam's side on the settee, Marie could only put her hand on his arm and try to comfort him. In New Orleans, she had known men who had killed others in duels. Some laughed and boasted about it, but others with strong senses of morality and ethics found it hard to live with the knowledge that they had taken another's life. She knew that Adam would never forget this, and she feared that the man's face would be in his dreams haunting him. He brooded enough as it was, and she was concerned that this would make him even more introverted.

At dinner that evening, Adam was very quiet reinforcing Marie's fears about him. Little Joe was squirming in his seat because he wanted to ask questions, and Ben had forbidden it. No one had much of anything to say so Marie and Ben talked about the ranch and what supplies they still needed. Adam went to his room immediately after dinner. After about an hour, Hoss asked if he could go up to see him, and Ben gave permission but said that he was to ask no questions. A gentle knock on Adam's door wasn't answered at first. Hoss thought that perhaps he hadn't heard so he knocked again a little harder and the door swung open. Hoss could tell that his older brother had been crying but didn't say anything about that.

"I just wondered if you wouldn't mind some company. I just want to help ifn I can."

Standing still as a statue for a moment, Adam didn't respond until a small crooked smile appeared. "Hoss, you help just by being you. Come on in."

Walking next to the desk in Adam's room, Hoss saw some drawings. "Hey, Adam, where did you get these?"

"I drew them, Hoss. Marie showed me some tricks of drawing to scale and such, and I've been practicing."

"Wow, these are really nice. Some of these are even beautiful. Could you draw me?"

"I could try. I haven't been drawing people."

"But you drew Mama's horse, and that looks real good."

"Well, I guess I did all right if you recognized it. All right, then, sit on that chair by the window." As Hoss complied, Adam had to grin. "No, not like that. Sit like you normally do, not all straight and proper like gentleman."

"Hey, are you saying I ain't a gentleman?"

"That's it, that's it. Sit just like that and look just like that."

Fidgeting a little as Adam worked got some frowns directed to him so Hoss endeavored to sit as still as possible. His curiosity about what Adam was drawing was intense though, and he repeatedly tried to look up and over the pad of paper to watch his brother draw. Finally Adam said he could look and when he saw it, he laughed. "That's me! That's me! Can I go show Pa and Mama? Little Joe is gonna be so jealous."

With that Adam smiled and then grimaced. He knew Little Joe would not be satisfied until Adam drew his picture. He could not imagine getting the little boy to sit still long enough for even a sketch though and wondered how he could do it. What he didn't seem to realize at that moment was that Hoss had taken his mind completely off what had happened in town and focused it back on the family. Of course, to be fair, Hoss didn't know that he had done that either.

Thinking quickly, Adam picked up the picture of Marie's horse and began a sketch of a smaller horse. By the time that Little Joe inevitably ran into his room without knocking demanding that his picture be drawn, Adam was ready for him. He had sketched in a body of a boy on a small horse and just needed a few quick observations of the mouth, nose, and eyes to work on the details of the drawing. Most of what he was doing as Little Joe sat squirming on the chair was to finish shading in the horse and the little cowboy. Then he worked on the face but it was much smaller than the portrait style he had used with Hoss so it went much more quickly. He had Little Joe raise his arm in the air as if holding a hat and sketched that in. In about the same length of time he had taken to draw Hoss, he had a sketch of Little Joe sitting on a horse with his hat in the air.

Once Adam handed the drawing of Little Joe to him, he laughed as the little boy whooped and hollered and then ran from the room. In seconds, he was back. "Thanks, Adam, thanks. You're the best oldest brother ever." Then he turned and ran again to show Hoss and his parents the drawing Adam had made of him.

That night as expected, Adam dreamed of the gunfight and the face of the man he had killed that day. But in his dream as he turned away from the dead man, his father was right behind him with a hand on his shoulder. Marie, Hoss, and Little Joe stood looking up at him and smiling. So it was an unpleasant dream because of the content, but not a nightmare because his loving family was there to support him. He awakened from the dream with sweaty palms and a racing heart but remembered his family the most. He sighed and closed his eyes to sleep again but more peacefully.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

"How can you be sure it was Parker? It was night and it was storming."

"I heard his voice as he bragged about what he did and why. I was conscious throughout. I also could see him by opening my eyes just a little when the lightning lit up everything."

It was eight days later, and Ben had ridden with Adam to town for Parker's trial. He was the only witness to what Parker had done to him, but there were other witnesses who had heard what Nelson said in the street, and Roy could testify to what Parker said when he entered his office after the gunfight between Nelson and Adam. The defense attorney tried to get Adam to say he wasn't sure it was Parker who had dragged him and then tied him up in a tree. Adam was calm but anyone could see the anger that he had when the lawyer suggested he had lied. Because he kept the anger under control and answered the questions consistently and his answers made sense, the prosecutor was pleased with his testimony. It would show the jury that they could believe him. With the circumstantial evidence supplied by other witnesses and Roy, the jury found Parker guilty of assault and attempted murder. The judge sentenced him to twenty years in prison. It had been discovered that he was wanted in California as well, so the judge ordered that he would be sent there to face murder charges after he finished his sentence in Nevada. There would be no more threat from him.

Over the next month, everyone in the family had noticed how quiet and reserved Adam had become. Ben and Marie thought they knew what the problem was. He was prone to brooding, and with the gunfight against Nelson and the trial sending Parker to prison, Adam was probably questioning and examining his own actions to see if he could have made better choices. Ben tried to talk with him about it but met resistance. They were learning that Adam needed to come to terms with things on his own, and nothing they said or did was likely to increase the speed at which he reconciled his thoughts and emotions. The only suggestion Marie had was for Ben to find some things that would take Adam's mind off his worries for a time and let him have some fun to blow off some steam. On a Saturday, Ben had a plan.

"Adam, today I want to take Marie in for some shopping, visiting with friends, and lunch. Would you be willing to take your brothers fishing this afternoon?"

"Don't I have to work with Mr. Edwards on arithmetic?"

"No, he sent a message that he isn't feeling well and will be here next Saturday. The message said you should work on the next set of problems in the book he gave you to use."

"I guess I can take them fishing then. I don't know how to fish with a fishing pole though."

"Well I'm sure Hoss can show you. He certainly enjoys it. Hop Sing will pack a lunch for you and the three of you can stay out there all day if you wish. Just get them home well before it gets dark."

So Adam hitched up the buckboard and loaded it with a picnic basket, a blanket, Hoss' fishing poles, and a can of worms that he and his younger brothers dug up next to the stable. Little Joe was very excited for it was the first time he was on an excursion with his brothers, and his parents were not there. He rode on the seat next to Adam and asked to drive the team. Adam let him stand between his legs and help with the reins when they were on a straight section of the road. Adam let Hoss drive for a time too but made him keep the team at a very slow pace.

Afterwards he worried that his father might not approve of what he had done. Adam was trying so hard to be the son his father wanted, he worried about everything he did. So yes, he was concerned about what had happened with Nelson and Parker, but his quiet moodiness was based on worry that he had to be the son his father wanted and the grandson his grandfather wanted without having a clear idea of what those expectations were. Inside of him, his own desires were in conflict as well. He wanted to go to college and he wanted to stay and help build the Ponderosa into a great ranch. He wanted to see his grandfather and pay respects at his mother's grave but wanted more time with his father too after being separated for so many years. He also wanted to get to know his brothers better and with them growing up, he knew he would miss a lot if he left for years to attend college.

The day at the lake was fun. The boys skipped stones, climbed the boulders to get a view across the lake, and actually did some fishing although they didn't catch any fish. Lunch was as good as they expected because any lunch from Hop Sing's kitchen was going to be good. After lunch, Adam showed his brothers how the Newe caught fish. He shucked off his boots and pants and waded into a pool of water where they had seen fish earlier, but Hoss had been unable to catch one. There he waited still as he could be with his arm in the water until a fish swam back into the area. He waited until the fish was right by his hand and grabbed it throwing it up on the shore and scaring both of his brothers who went squealing away from the flopping fish until they got over their surprise. Hoss was the first to realize that Adam had actually caught a fish. He grabbed it and put it on the stringer they had made earlier from some willow branches.

"Hey, Adam, you gonna catch another one?"

"Maybe one if the fish cooperate. Soon I need to pack everything up and get you two back home."

"Adam, can I do it?"

"No, Little Joe, the water is too deep for you. You can use Hoss' fishing pole if you want to try that."

"No, I wanta do it like you."

"Me too, Adam, I want to try it too."

"No, that is not going to happen. Hoss the water is too deep for you yet. In a couple of years you could try. And Joe, put your boots back on." Joe was already preparing to enter the water. He refused to put his boots back on so Adam had to come out of the water and put them on as Joe screamed about it. Then Adam dressed in his pants and boots.

"Now you two skip rocks or something while I load up the wagon with the stuff we brought along. And don't go in the water." Adam checked the harness on the team after loading the wagon, and then headed back to collect his brothers. What he saw scared him immensely. Little Joe was out in deep water splashing and trying to stay afloat and Hoss was trying to get to him to save him. Adam jerked his boots off and his pants and ran into the water. First he grabbed Hoss by the shoulder and shoved him toward shore.

"Get on shore. I don't want to have to save you too."

Then Adam swam the few yards to where Little Joe was and grabbed him by the collar of his shirt as he went under. He pulled him up but the panicked boy slipped out of his grasp, and Adam had to dive under the water to get him. He pulled him to the surface and wrapped an arm around him and locked one hand on his arm so that he couldn't squirm away. Then as he turned toward shore, he saw Hoss coming toward him.

"Get back, you fool, get back."

Hoss spluttered something incomprehensible and slowly backed toward shore. When Adam pulled Little Joe out of the water, the little boy was coughing and spitting. Once Little Joe got his voice back, he was full of complaints.

"You hurt me. My arm hurts and my stomach. You pushed me under the water too."

"I had to grab you so you wouldn't get away, and I did not push you under. Your fighting me is what made you go under."

Hoss had a few complaints too. "I coulda helped, but you called me a name. I'm gonna tell Pa what you did."

"Fine, tell him. Get in the damn wagon and shut up." Adam was angry enough at that point that it scared his brothers into silence, but it also gave them more complaints they would make to their father. Adam pulled on his boots and pants and stalked to the wagon. Both brothers were sitting huddled in the back. Adam pulled up the blanket they had used for their picnic lunch and wrapped it around them. Then he climbed up on the seat and snapped the reins to get the wagon moving. Adam was shivering with the wet shirt on, but his brothers were alive and that was what mattered most to him at that point.

When Adam got back to the ranch yard, he ordered his brothers into the washroom and went to tell Hop Sing that they needed to clean up and dress in dry clothing. Then he went to unhitch the team and take care of the wagon. As he was finishing with that, Ben drove the carriage into the yard. He saw Adam in the stable and yelled out to him asking if he could take care of the carriage too. Then he and Marie went into the house carrying packages from their shopping.

Taking a long time to groom the horses and wipe down the harness, Adam was trying to avoid the confrontation he was afraid he would get when he got in the house. Finally he had nothing more to do and had to go face his father. When he entered the house, he saw both Hoss and Little Joe sitting sullenly in front of the fireplace. He took off his hat and gunbelt before walking over to his father whom he was sure had questions for him.

"Adam, I have heard quite a story from your brothers. Now I would like you to tell me what happened at the lake today."

Taking a deep breath, Adam started telling the story. He did not embellish nor did he leave anything out including his use of profanity. When he finished, Hoss' head was hanging down, but Joe was looking at him angrily.

"Is that everything?"

Nodding, Adam averted his eyes. He was afraid of what he would see.

"I'm not happy with your use of coarse language in front of your younger brothers, but I do understand how it could have happened. You were worried about them, and they were being anything but brotherly."

"He hurt me, and called Hoss a name."

"Little Joe, you will be quiet or we will have a talk about that too. Now, Adam, I have to thank you from the bottom of my heart. You saved Little Joe's life again, and there are no words to say how grateful Marie and I am." Marie burst into tears at that point and hugged Adam and then Ben. She took Ben's offered handkerchief and went to sit behind his desk. She could barely think knowing that her baby could have died. "I'm sorry that Joseph was so badly behaved and that he was so belligerent. Hoss was only trying to help, but I understand how difficult that made things for you. Hoss, do you have something to say?"

"I'm really sorry, Adam. I was just trying to help."

"I know, Hoss, and I'm very sorry for what I said. I was just so worried that I couldn't save both of you."

"I know that now, and I know I should've listened to you. I was just so worried about Little Joe."

"Joseph, do you have something to say?"

"I ain't gonna say I'm sorry. He hurt me, and he should get a tanning for what he did."

"Joseph, you will not talk to me in that tone of voice. Now go to your room."

"No, I don't have to if they don't have to."

Picking up Little Joe and placing him under his arm, Ben marched up the stairs. Too late, Little Joe realized his mistakes. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'll tell Adam I'm sorry." Ben said nothing and disappeared around the corner at the top of the stairs. Marie was in shock hearing how badly her youngest son had acted. She walked over to Adam.

"Thank you for saving your brothers. I can never thank you enough. And as for my little Joseph's behavior, it is partly my fault for not seeing how spoiled he was getting. That will change. I promise you, both of you. He cannot act so carelessly and with no regard for others. He will need to change that selfish attitude of his. Now Adam you need to get a dry shirt and warm up. I will build up the fire in the fireplace and Hoss will help, won't you?"

When Adam came downstairs, Hoss asked him to tell Marie how he caught fish. Then Hoss started telling her how big the fish was and about the fun they had before Joe's disobedience had brought all the fun to a halt. Soon Hoss and Adam were laughing and talking with Marie. Ben came down shortly thereafter and a sullen Little Joe followed him down the stairs. When Marie was going to give him a pillow to sit on for dinner, Ben asked her if she thought that was a good idea. She decided it wasn't and put the pillow back on the settee. Once they finished the main course, Ben told Little Joe that it was time for him to go to his room.

"But Hop Sing has a cake for dessert. I want some."

"Not tonight. Not after the way you behaved at the lake, and then the way you talked to me as well as your refusal to apologize to Adam. Now go to your room."

Looking to his mother for help, Little Joe found none.

"Your father told you to go to your room. Do not invite another punishment so soon after the last one or you may not wish to sit for the next few days."

With tears in his eyes then, Little Joe went to his room feeling that Adam had turned his whole family against him. He sulked in his room until his mother came to tell him to get ready for bed. He did, and then his father came to his room.

"Are you ready to talk to Adam now?"

"All right." Little Joe went to Adam's room and pushed the door open without knocking. He stood in the doorway, and waited for his oldest brother to turn around. "I'm sorry. But I hate you, and I wish you had never come here." Then he turned and ran to his room. Ben wanted to reach out to hug Adam but knew he wouldn't welcome it at this point. The raw hurt on his face had been painful to see, but then the mask was back, and he turned away from Ben.

"I'm so sorry. He doesn't mean it. I would punish him if it would do any good. He'll get over it. He does love you, but he is a very emotional and spoiled little boy."

From his room, Hoss had heard everything. He walked to Adam's room as Ben was walking away. "Little Joe don't mean it. He's just upset."

"Sure. I guess. But how many times has he told you that he hates you and wishes you didn't live here?"

"Adam, I want you here, and I think Little Joe does too. He just wanted to hurt you cause he got a tanning. Weren't your fault, but Little Joe ain't too good at figuring out who to blame when he's the one oughta get blamed."

For the next few weeks, Adam threw himself into ranch work. In the evenings, he sat at the dining table and studied. He had decided that college was what he wanted to do. He would leave for a few years, get an education, and then decide what to do next. Hoss spent as much time with Adam as he could and learning from him all the things that Adam had been taught by the Newe. Adam taught him how to fish with his hands and with nets, how to set snares, how to track, and how to identify animals by their tracks and by their scat and other things. Hoss was fascinated by things such as owl pellets that he and Adam cut open a number of times to find what the owls had been eating.

The time Adam and Hoss were spending together was making Little Joe jealous so he decided he had to find a way to get some of Adam's time too. He asked Adam for more drawings and for rides on his horse. He asked to sit next to him at the dinner table. Ben and Marie noted that Adam was accommodating and genial with all requests, but there was a lack of warmth. He was uncomfortable opening his heart to Little Joe. Although Adam was much older than his brothers and more like a man, he had a wounded heart. He had missed out on a lot of the love of a family and was leery of trusting others. Ben and Marie were loved by him and returned that love. Hoss and Adam had also developed a loving relationship. But Joe was a difficult child because of how emotionally he acted most of the time. Adam found it difficult to trust and Little Joe was very self-centered and not a giving child. Ben and Marie wondered if the two brothers would ever be close. In such a volatile situation, no one could have predicted that it was a thunderstorm that would break down the barriers.

Thunder shook the house. Adam had just gone to bed, and heard Ben and Marie going to their room. He lay in bed wondering what kind of extra work there might be the next day due to storm damage. The last storm had washed out a fence line, and he and some hands worked from sun to sun for a week to get everything back in order. The fence line was replaced, the cattle were rounded up that had strayed away, and finally the cattle were herded back into the correct pastures. As Adam was thinking about that, the door to his room opened, and soon Little Joe was standing by his bed.

"Adam, I was wondering if the storm scared you? Cause I was thinking that if Pa was scared, well Mama is there for him, but you ain't got nobody in case you were scared."

"I'm not scared, Little Joe. It's just a storm."

"Oh, I guess I can go back to my room then."

As his little brother got to the door, Adam figured out why he had been there at his bedside. "Little Joe, if you're scared, I'm here for you. Do you want to sleep next to me?"

"Well, just in case I get scared, maybe I oughta."

Scrambling up into Adam's bed as Adam raised the covers for him, Little Joe quickly snuggled into the warm spot Adam had left as he slid to the other side of his bed. Adam could feel that the five year old was trembling so he wrapped an arm around him and hummed a familiar song. Soon Little Joe was sleeping soundly. Adam laid back on the pillow and closed his eyes deciding that perhaps his youngest brother did have some love for him. That's where Marie found Little Joe the next morning. She had thought to check on Little Joe because of the storm the night before and stood at the door watching her oldest and youngest sons asleep next to each other as she signaled Ben to come look. Then she softly pulled the door closed.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

"Adam, you should go riding with Marie as she asked. There are reports of some hunters going through the area and creating trouble."

"Pa, I promised Little Joe a ride this morning. He's been very nice to me since last Sunday."

"Oh, I think I may know why. That sermon about Psalm 24 got to him. He talked to me about it when he got home."

Smiling Ben remembered arriving home on Sunday. Little Joe had run into the washroom and come out a few minutes later to show his father his hands.

"Now, I'm going to heaven, ain't I, Pa?"

"For washing your hands?"

"Yeah, Reverend Wallace said that if we have clean hands and a pure heart, we was going to heaven. My hands are all clean now."

"Little Joe, Reverend Wallace didn't mean to literally wash your hands. He was using a metaphor." Seeing Little Joe's dazedly confused look, Ben had to explain more. "It's like when Hoss says he could eat a horse. He doesn't really mean he could eat a horse, but what he really means is that he is very hungry. What the minister meant by clean hands and a pure heart was that we should not have any bad things that we have done and haven't atoned for." That confused his young son as well, and Ben's explanation required even more explanation. "We shouldn't do bad things, and if we do, we have to say we're sorry and do things to make up for it. That's what he meant by clean hands, and we should never ever plan to do something bad. That's what he meant by a pure heart."

Standing there for a few minutes, one could almost see Little Joe's mind working with the changes in his facial expressions and the shifting of his eyes from the floor to the ceiling and back down again. "So if we done bad things and didn't say we was sorry and didn't do anything to make up for it, then we won't go to heaven. And we can't never do nothing bad on purpose? Does that mean I'm going to hell, Pa?"

"No, I think God would allow a five year old some time to make up for wrongs. Is there anything in particular that you think you should make up for?"

"Uh, maybe. Pa, thanks for explaining to me. I gotta go outside now." Little Joe nearly ran outside in his haste to follow the clean hands and pure heart dictum.

Marie came from the dining table where she had set out the flatware next to the dishes. "Benjamin, where is Little Joe going? It's almost time for lunch."

"Marie, I think our son has a little bit of thinking and planning to do." Then Ben explained their conversation to Marie.

About fifteen minutes later when Hop Sing had lunch on the table, Little Joe came when called but then stood by Adam's side instead of sitting down. Adam looked at him quizzically wondering what Little Joe wanted so he asked him.

"Adam, I just want to say I'm really sorry for any bad things I said to you. I don't hate you. And I want you to know I love you cause you're my brother. I just say things sometimes when I'm mad. I guess I shouldn't, and I'll try to stop doing that. Can you forgive me so I can go to heaven?"

"Little Joe, I forgave you almost as soon as you did it even though it hurt. I could never hold that against a brother."

Little Joe threw his arms around Adam surprising him with a hug. "And thank you for being my brother and letting me stay with you when there's a storm. I wasn't really there to help you if you were scared cause I knew you wouldn't be scared. I lied. I was scared by the storm."

"I knew that too. It felt good that you trusted me to help you though."

"You knew all that? Why didn't you say something?"

"I thought it was up to you to say what was on your mind when you were ready to do that. I guess you've grown up enough to do that now."

"Boy, this growing up stuff is really hard."

Everyone at the table had laughed, and Marie told Little Joe to get on his chair so that they could say grace and have lunch. The lunch conversation was light and convivial as the family had been impressed by Little Joe's sincere apology to Adam even if it had taken a sermon and his father's explanation to prod him into it. He had however figured out on his own what he needed to do and that he should also explain his actions. Life was going to be so much better if the youngest son could curb his jealousy and his anger. That remained to be seen, but certainly progress had been made.

On the following Saturday morning, Adam had agreed to take Little Joe for a ride. Ben had gotten him a small pony but he wasn't allowed to ride it unless someone other than Hoss was with him. Marie came out of the house dressed for riding. She enjoyed racing her horse through the pastures and feeling the wind against her face. Over and over, Ben had warned her of the risks, but she said she had been riding for long enough that she wouldn't fall. She was very skilled with a horse, but Ben still worried because of the unnecessary risks she took while riding. He hoped Little Joe would not emulate his mother in that regard so he was happy his young son was riding with his oldest son who was a good horseman himself but avoided risks.

Because the sun was shining, and there was only the gentlest of breezes, Ben decided to do his ledger work outside. He wanted to enjoy some of the day too. Hoss went to the barn to play with some kittens that were just about old enough to be weaned from their mother. Hoss had promised some of them to neighboring farms and wanted to make sure they were tame and friendly when he gifted them away. About an hour later, Adam and Little Joe came riding back into the yard. Little Joe jumped down off his pony and tugged his reins to get him to follow to the porch.

"Pa, Pa, Adam showed me how to do all sorts of stuff today with riding. I can make my pony turn with my eyes closed. I can even make him turn without using the reins. Ain't that great, Pa?"

"Yes, it is great, but don't you remember the first lesson I believe your older brother taught you about your pony?"

Stumped for just a moment, Little Joe grinned sheepishly. "Oh yeah, I'm supposed to take care of my pony first thing when we get home cause he's been doing most of the work. I'll be right back, Pa."

Waiting impatiently by the barn door, Adam watched as Little Joe finally turned around to lead his pony to the stable. He wanted to swat him sometimes when he was so inconsiderate of both people and animals but had to remind himself that it wasn't his place to do such things and that Little Joe was still a month away from being five years old. He still went through the list of things that Little Joe had to do to take care of his pony and his tack though. As he did so, his anger rose again seeing that disdainful look his youngest brother gave him. He finally turned his back and took care of his horse and tack so that he wouldn't say anything hurtful to Little Joe. Hoss could see that Adam was angry so he went to help Little Joe and make sure he did as he was taught to do to take care of things after a ride.

"I don't know why I gotta take everything into the tack room. We're just gonna use it again tomorrow."

"Well we gotta wipe the reins and straps and such down and such. Ifn you don't, the leather will crack. Then it could break. It's a lot better to keep it clean and oiled so it don't do that. That's a lot easier to do in the tack room. Besides, your saddle would just get a lot more dirty ifn you was to just leave it lay here."

"Well then at least I could see the dust and stuff. Don't make any sense to me to wipe the saddle down when I can't even see any dirt or nothing on it."

"Because if you don't, the leather will crack and hold more dirt, and soon you wouldn't have a decent saddle under you any more. Now get your saddle and blanket put away. I want to have lunch before it's cold." Adam was tiring of having to explain reasons for doing things over and over again as Little Joe complained about doing things as instructed. He always seemed to want a shortcut.

"Oh, yeah, Little Joe, I could smell lunch for quite a bit already. It sure smells good. Let's put your saddle and blanket away so we can go have us some lunch."

By the time that Little Joe and Hoss had finished their tasks, Adam had taken care of his horse and was cleaning up the stalls.

"Put some feed in there for your pony, Little Joe. Then see if any of the other horses need any feed. Hoss could you get a couple of buckets of water?"

"How come you always gots to be so bossy, Adam?"

"Would you do all that needs to be done if I didn't tell you?"

"Well I would if you ever gave me a chance to remember before you started bossing me around."

"Just do it so we can get to lunch before Pa gets mad."

"Where's Mama? She should have been back by now."

Thinking the exact same thing, Adam had wanted to get the two younger boys in the house before he said anything to his father. Once the necessary chores were done, Adam told the boys to go get cleaned up. As he walked to the house though he saw that his father had already gone inside. He heard a horse approaching at a gallop and turned to see Marie riding into the yard at breakneck pace, and unfortunately that was prophetic. When she tried to stop the panicked animal, she flew from the saddle landing awkwardly. Adam heard several distinct cracks and knew immediately that it was going to be terrible, but he didn't know how terrible. Ben came out of the house then just as Adam got to Marie's side. It was clear that she was dead with her head twisted at a completely unnatural angle.

"Oh, my Lord, Marie!" Ben rushed to them and dropped to his knees next to his wife. Adam had tears rolling down his face as he watched his father futilely trying to straighten her neck and somehow wish her alive again. It was no use but Ben couldn't fathom the truth at this point. Adam stood and heard Hoss calling out through the open front door. Running, Adam got to the door before either of his younger brothers could walk outside to see Marie in that state. He grabbed Little Joe as he tried to run outside. Kicking the front door closed and pushing Hoss toward the settee by the fireplace, Adam forcefully restrained Little Joe.

"I wanta see Mama!" Almost screaming in his fright that something awful had happened, Joe hit and kicked at Adam who withstood the physical pain and held the little boy.

"Little Joe, your Mama has had an accident. Pa is with her. He'll be in shortly to tell you. Now he doesn't want you outside right now. You have to stay here with me." Looking at Hoss, Adam shook his head when Hoss gave him that plaintive look that said please let it not be so. Hoss dropped onto the blue chair by the fireplace and buried his face in his hands.

"What's wrong with Hoss?"

"He's very sad."

"Why is he very sad?"

"Little Joe, your Mama is hurt really bad. Pa is trying to take care of her, but she may be going to heaven instead of staying here with you."

"She's your Mama too. She won't leave us. She promised me once that she would never leave me. She said she would always be here for me so I shouldn't be afraid."

"Little Joe, she didn't plan on leaving. She had an accident."

"She can't leave."

Trying his best to distance himself from his emotions, Adam held onto Little Joe and waited. Soon Ben walked in the house carrying Marie in his arms like a child. Hop Sing had brought him a blanket to wrap around her and opened the door for him. He guided his old friend to the downstairs guest room and had him put Marie on the bed there.

"Hop Sing, shouldn't we tell someone to get the doctor?"

"No, Mistah Cartwright, we can take care of everything. We no need doctor today." Hop Sing guided Ben to a chair and had him sit. Then he pulled the door closed and looked over at Adam sitting with Little Joe in his grasp and shook his head. That got both Little Joe and Hoss crying so Adam had Hoss move next to him and wrapped an arm around each younger brother and let them cry. Eventually, both were exhausted from crying, and Adam led them upstairs and had them sleep in one bed wrapped in each other's arms. Then he walked downstairs and outside to the bunkhouse where Hank met him at the door.

"Adam, we're so sorry about what happened. We took care of Marie's horse. There was a rifle slug in its hindquarter. Someone must have fired at her as she was riding away. Is there anything we can do?"

When Adam had seen Marie ride in and then saw the state of her clothing as she lay on the ground with her neck snapped, he had noticed a number of things. "Hank, someone attacked Marie and scared her out of her mind. Her clothing was torn and she had bruises on her face. When she rode into the yard, she was panicked. You already know her horse had a bullet hole in his hindquarters too. She was distraught and the horse was hurt, and that's why she couldn't control her horse and flew off."

"Somebody attacked her? Who coulda done something terrible like that?"

"I don't know, but I'm sure you could backtrack her trail and find whoever did this. And Hank, there's no reason to involve the sheriff in this." Adam's cold dark eyes and the icy way he said it let Hank know that those men were not to be allowed to leave the Ponderosa. They would likely be there forever.

"Yessir, Mr. Cartwright. I'm sure I got plenty of men here who can take care of this for you. We'll let you know when it's done."

"Thank you, Hank. I have to get back to my family now. I know you'll do what has to be done. If you find any stray horses out there or anything, let the men know they can have whatever they find or they can sell it and keep the money. No one has to tell me or my Pa about that at all."

There was now an incentive even for hands who didn't know the Cartwrights well. Adam had just given permission for them to collect the spoils of battle once Marie's attackers had met their final reward.

Once Adam was back inside the house, he went to see his father who looked like he had just aged twenty years. He was sitting in the rocking chair in the guest bedroom and staring at Marie as Hop Sing bathed her body and prepared it for burial.

"Pa, I got Little Joe and Hoss to take a nap together. They were exhausted because they were crying so much. Can I get you anything?"

Unresponsive to anything, Ben sat and stared. Adam looked to Hop Sing who shrugged. Neither had ever seen how Ben had responded to the deaths of his first two wives so they didn't know what to expect from him. Adam grabbed a throw from the settee in the great room and draped it over his father who seemed not to notice. Once Hop Sing was finished with his sad task, the two of them went into the kitchen to talk.

"You got something to put Missy Cartwright in?"

"I'll make a coffin tonight. I don't want to leave the house right now."

"You go do that. I call you if brothers need you. I make soup for dinner. I know nobody eat big meal with sadness in them."

"I know you're sad too, Hop Sing. Thank you for helping me. We'll have to manage until Pa gets back to us."

"You are strong man already. Not a boy any more."

Nodding in appreciation, Adam walked to the great room and with a glance up the stairs, grabbed his hat and headed to the barn. He hammered and sawed, and after a couple of hours had put together a decent coffin. He planned to come out later and carve it a bit, but it was ready for a liner. He planned to ask Hop Sing for something suitable. As he left to return to the house, Hank and the hands rode in. Adam noticed they were leading four horses with saddles, bedrolls, sacks of supplies, and rifles. Hank nodded at Adam who nodded back.

"Thank you. Thank you to all of you. I'm sure my father will appreciate knowing you stand for justice, and that you were willing to do what was necessary to avenge Marie's death." As he walked inside, Adam wondered if he should ever tell his father the rest of this story. It seemed Ben had not noticed the condition Marie was in when she got home. His shock at her death so suddenly and brutally had apparently robbed him of his thought processes. Adam decided that perhaps he should keep that part of the story to himself. Let the others think it was just a tragic accident and no more.

Soon after Adam got inside the house, Hoss came down the stairs leading Little Joe who ran to Adam who dropped to his knees and wrapped his arms around the little boy. "Joe, you have to be strong now. Your Mama would want you to be strong. Pa is really sad. You have to help him by trying to be strong. Can you do that?"

"What about Hoss? Does he have to be strong?"

"Yes, but Hoss already knew that. He's pretty smart. Didn't he just lead you down the stairs? Didn't he stay with you while you were napping so you wouldn't be alone?" Adam accomplished several things with that. Hoss stood straighter with Adam's praise and knowing that Adam needed him to help out. Little Joe also was more able to control his overwhelming grief because his two older brothers were acting so strong. The last thing was that now neither of the two younger sons would put any extra pressure on their father who was frozen in his grief.


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

"You could have saved her. If you had gone riding with her like she asked, no one would have attacked her. Oh how scared she must have been and all alone. She should have had someone with her to protect her. She needed you, and you said no to her simple request. How could you have done that? Now she's dead."

Ben had gotten a large glass of brandy after Little Joe and Hoss went to bed. Then he got another one. He refused the soup that Hop Sing offered. So he had a large amount of alcohol and hadn't eaten anything since breakfast. It was a prescription for trouble. Ben needed a loving woman by his side to temper his fiery nature. With the third loss of a wife, Ben had slipped over the edge into near hysteria.

Upstairs Adam had told Hoss and Little Joe that it might be best if they slept in the same bed again as they had for their nap. After tucking them in, Adam had come downstairs to see about his father. Ben worried him more than his younger brothers now. Shoving his own grief into the background, Adam had talked with Hank earlier, and they had some of the hands dig a grave out by the lake. Their close friends had been notified, and the minister was going to be there to pray over Marie. After Hop Sing had cleaned up Marie and dressed her in a nice dress though, Ben had allowed no one to go near her. Adam needed him to go to bed or at least try to sleep in the rocking chair. Instead when he suggested that, he got an enraged father instead.

With that outburst, Adam understood that his father had noticed the condition Marie was in despite her mortal injuries from being thrown from her horse. "Pa, there was no way of knowing that Mama was going to be hurt."

"Don't you call her that. You have no right to call her that. I should have known better than to think you would care enough about her safety to try to protect her. What would a savage know about protecting a woman like Marie." Ben grabbed Adam's arm and shoved him toward the front door. "You don't deserve to be in the same house with her." Adam had little choice but to leave the house unless he wanted to fight his father. At that point, grief and pain were overwhelming him so he left the house and headed for the stable. Adam sat on a hay bale in the barn with his head buried in his hands and let the tears flow. He didn't know what to do. His father had rejected him, his stepmother was gone, but his younger brothers probably needed him more now than they ever had. Soon he felt a gentle hand on his shoulder.

"You no go. Father is crazy now. He say crazy things. He know better in the morning. You see. You come with me now."

Willing to be led for the day had required him to make decisions and act as if the grief had not been eating away at his heart and soul, Adam stood. Hop Sing pushed him toward the door of the stable where he saw Hank standing.

"We could hear the yelling. It ain't right that he said that to you. He's feeling mighty sorrowful and probably guilty too that he didn't send someone with Mrs. Cartwright or he coulda gone himself. He knows that but the guilt is too much. He took it out on you cause you was closest. He'll feel bad about it in the morning. There's room in the bunkhouse. You need to get some sleep. Tomorrow, your family is gonna need your strength again." Hank wrapped an arm around Adam's shoulders and guided him to the bunkhouse. The men inside greeted him as they made preparations to get some sleep.

Later as Adam lay in a bunk staring at the slats and mattress of the bunk above him, he wondered when he would get to rely on someone else's strength for a change. He remembered his father holding him when he had cried out his sorrow at the river. But that had been the only time that he had been able to lean on anyone. He wondered if you could ever trust love or did it always come back at you with hateful words and actions. He finally fell asleep near dawn. Hank and the men were quiet when they arose giving the young man the chance to rest for a few hours finally. When Adam did awake, he wasn't sure if he should go in the house and worried about what he would find if he did enter. He chose the kitchen door when he entered trying to gauge the mood of the house without actually confronting his father. He asked Hop Sing for a plate of food and sat in the kitchen to eat. He wondered what he should do next when his father bellowed to Hoss.

"You go up there and get your brother out of bed. This is no day to sleep in."

A short time later, Adam heard Hoss' reply. "He ain't up there, Pa. It don't look like he was there at all last night."

"Well, where is he? He should know that the family has to stick together on a day like this. Little Joe, have you seen Adam?" There was only silence in response.

At that point, Adam didn't know if Ben had forgotten what he had said or if he was doing a good job of acting. He decided the best course of action was to face him and support his brothers. At that point, his brothers were the reasons he was still there. From the kitchen, he walked into the dining area and stood stiffly waiting to see what his father would say.

"Well, where have you been? Sit down and have some breakfast." Ben was brusque in manner, but he needed a shave yet and his face was pale and there were dark blue circles under his eyes.

"I already ate."

Thinking that Adam's stiff posture was a result of him holding in his grief, Ben thought to give him something to do to take his mind off of it for a bit. "Well, then you can take Little Joe up and dress him. Send one of the hands to town to see if the minister can come. There are a few other preparations that need to be made."

"The minister will be here at ten this morning. The men dug a grave at the lake at that spot Marie loved so much. Your close friends have been notified that there will be a graveside service at ten this morning. There is a coffin lined and ready outside."

With the stark reminders of what had happened, Little Joe started crying then so Adam reached down and pulled the little boy to his side. He walked with him to the stairs and then looked back to see if Hoss was following. Hoss was waiting for just such a signal and rushed to join his brothers. They were dressed in their Sunday finest by nine. Adam had the carriage out front and helped Little Joe and Hoss climb in before he mounted up on his horse to ride to the lake. Ben had noted again how standoffish his oldest son was and again attributed it to his way of dealing with grief. Ben drove to the lake and Adam rode behind the carriage with the hands. Hop Sing was driving the second wagon with the coffin loaded in back covered with a black cloth that the minister had sent to the house for that purpose.

Once at the lake, the hands carried the coffin and set it next to the newly dug grave. The smells of raw earth and of nature were all around. Ben staggered a little as he walked toward the gravesite. Roy Coffee was already there and stepped up to offer an arm to his old friend. Roy noted how Adam held back from doing the same, but after what he had heard from Hank when he had stopped at the house briefly, he wasn't surprised by that. Little Joe took his father's hand and Hoss took Little Joe's hand. Adam stood behind his brothers. In between hymns, all that could be heard were Joe's plaintive crying and Hoss' sniffles. Adam had put extra handkerchiefs in their pockets and all were used by the time the service concluded.

The service included all of Marie's favorite hymns sung by those in attendance. The minister made one of those sermons that are expected at funerals. After that, the hands lowered the coffin into the grave. Ben stepped up and grabbed a handful of dirt and dropped it. His actions were mimicked by Little Joe and Hoss. Adam stepped forward and dropped in a small wreath he had woven of flowers and vines. The everyone in attendance stepped forward to drop a handful of dirt into the grave. Ben wrapped his arms around his two grief stricken young sons as Adam walked to his horse, mounted up, and rode off.

"Where is he going? He ought to stay with his family at a time like this."

Ray stepped up next to Ben. "After what you said, you should pray he doesn't decide to just keep on riding."

"What do you mean by that?"

"Ben, Hank heard you. Hop Sing heard. Heck, apparently most of the hands heard you."

Tugging on his father's hand, Little Joe had a question. "Yeah, Pa, is it really Adam's fault that Mama got hurt?"

"No, of course it isn't Adam's fault. It's my fault for not sending someone with her or insisting that she stay at home. I could have gone with her. I knew the danger and let her go anyway. Why would you think it was Adam's fault?"

"Cause Hoss and I heard you yelling at Adam last night before you told him to get out. I think that's why he didn't sleep in his room last night."

Looking at Roy, Ben could see the confirmation in his eyes. "Ben, I did some of the same when my Mary died. I had too much to drink and said some mean things. You told him it was his fault, and ya told him he had no right to be in the same house as Marie if the people who heard ya got it right. You said he had no right to call her Mama."

"Oh my God. I must have been out of my head to be so cruel. I know I had too much to drink, but I had no idea I was that awful. I have to go to him now. Roy, could you stay with the boys? I need to find Adam." Adam's stiffness and formality and the use of Marie instead of Mama all made sense, horrible sense to Ben then. He walked to Hank to ask him a question.

"Hank, someone accosted Marie yesterday. They probably had something to do with frightening her so much and making her ride so crazy."

"I know, Mr. Cartwright. Adam figured it all out and it's taken care of."

"Taken care of?"

"Those men ain't gonna be bothering anybody ever again. I was worried that Adam didn't want us to bring em to the sheriff cause what if they surrendered to us? But it didn't matter. They knew why we was there and tried to shoot their way out. It's all been taken care of, Mr. Cartwright."

Roy had overheard the conversation and although not happy in how it had been done could see no wrongdoing had taken place. He stepped next to Ben. "We'll see ya at the house then. Hop Sing has some food ready for everyone so we're all heading over that way. You go ahead and take my horse. You'll probably find it easier to catch up to Adam that way."

Following Adam's trail wasn't difficult at first because he headed out in a straight line. Soon though he was working around natural obstacles and it appeared he had a destination in mind. Ben thought that it appeared he was headed toward Eagles' Peak but had no idea why Adam would go there. When Ben got to the base of Eagles' Peak, he found Adam's horse. It was unsaddled and grazing. Ben smiled to realize his son would take care of his horse so well when he had to be very upset. Ben called his name but got no answer at first. Then he saw a flash of light against his vest, and soon another. He looked up to see Adam at the top of the ridge and flashing light his way using something he had obviously carried with him. Ben muttered to himself.

"Darn young buck. Did he have to get all the way to the top already!"

Ground tying Roy's horse, Ben grabbed the canteen from the saddle horn and began the climb. He was rather hoping that Adam would come down to meet him, but that didn't happen. He shouldn't have been surprised considering what he had apparently said to his oldest son. He continued to climb and realized he felt better as he did so. The physical exertion was helping, and that made him realize why Adam had probably done this. Then he remembered other times when Adam was upset and always seemed to end up climbing somewhere. Finally he understood why his son did that. Adam kept his feelings so bottled up most of the time, he had to find some way to release them. This was apparently how he did it. As Ben neared the top, he no longer had the energy to lift his head, but he kept on climbing. He would prove to his son that he would do whatever it took to get to him. When he got near the top, he saw Adam's boots enter his field of vision. He looked up, and Adam reached out his hand to help him the last few yards. He sat heavily then and barely had the energy to take the cap off the canteen. He drank a lot but felt Adam pull the canteen away from him.

"Not too much or you'll get sick. You're not used to this."

Thinking of a retort, Ben wisely held back. He sat back and looked up at the sky. "It's so pure and beautiful up here. I've never been up here."

"I like it up here." Adam was going to add more and thought too that he should hold back on the sarcasm.

"Adam, I followed you because I found out what I said last night. It was entirely uncalled for and I apologize sincerely."

Quiet for a time, Adam looked up to the sky. "You didn't remember? I remember it quite well. Like it just happened."

Taking a deep breath because that was what Ben did before he had a confession to make, he looked at Adam willing and hoping that his son would look at him. "There are two great character flaws that I have, and both get considerably worse when I drink. That's why you rarely see me have more than a glass of wine or a snifter of brandy. I do like to drink, but son, I'm a mean angry drunk so I can never allow myself to get that way. Yesterday I tried to drown my sorrow, failed miserably, and hurt you. I have a terrible temper and it seems to be able to block my ability to think. And sometimes I can get downright mean. I did that yesterday too."

"You must have had those thoughts in you to say them to me so easily last night."

"Don't we all have dark secrets? Isn't there anything inside of you that you wish you could change? Well I have tried, and when I was with Inger and then with Marie, I had some success in curbing those character flaws. But, yes, I do have dark thoughts, and I have to work to suppress them. Please, can you forgive me? Your brothers need you. I need you. I don't want you to go, and I'm afraid that what I've done could push you to leave."

"I had already decided to stay. My brothers do need me. But does this mean you don't think I should go to college?"

"No, I want you to go to college. It's something you need to do. I'm hoping that you will want to come home when you're done."

"Where will I go to college?"

"Where do you want to go?"

Taking a deep breath for much the same reason his father had earlier, Adam decided to tell his father what he had discussed with Marie only a few days earlier. "I would like to meet my grandfather and get to know him. I want to pay my respects to my mother at her grave."

"So you want to go to Boston."

"Yes. Does that make you upset with me?"

"No, but it does make me a little sad. If I could keep you on the Ponderosa forever, I would. I never want you to go, but you're right. There are things you should do. In a year then, you'll be going to college. It's going to be a difficult year, and I can't promise that I will be able to control my temper and my drinking all the time. I will try not to make cruel comments, and you have the right to challenge me if I do. But please know that I love you, and I want you to stay here. It's your home."

Adam simply nodded.

"Now let's not tell your brothers about your decision yet. They'll need time to get used to the idea, but right now, they have more than enough to deal with. We can tell them on your birthday. That will give them a few months to learn to accept it before you have to leave."

Nodding again, Adam asked if perhaps they ought to get on home. Ben smiled and got a small smile from his son. Adam started bounding down the hill jumping from one huge boulder to another. Ben's heart was in his throat as he watched. Then he realized that Adam had probably done this a number of times before. He turned and slowly edged his way back down the slope. When he reached the bottom, Adam had saddled his horse and brought Ben's horse up to wait for him. Sitting on the back of his horse, Adam patiently waited for his father to finish the descent. Then the two rode home.

As they rode, Ben had one last observation. "Son, you're a man now. You never got to have much of a childhood, and I am still so sorry about that. But if anyone had any doubts about you, they're gone now. You have handled everything with so much maturity that it amazes me. You took charge when I fell to pieces. You asked the right people for help and didn't try to do it all yourself. I'm very grateful and very proud that you're my son."


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13** (Over a year has passed since Marie's death.)

"He's old enough to take responsibility. I caught them kissing at the dance. He had her outside under a tree, and they were too close for a couple who aren't married, I can tell you that. Now she's with child, and I expect that you will have him do the right thing." Darren McGillivray was red in the face and breathing very hard.

"Adam, were you with Mary Ellen?" Ben was shocked at the accusation but also knew that Adam had been friendly with a lot of girls. Marie had warned him much earlier that he should talk with Adam so he didn't end up in a situation just like this.

"Well I did kiss her and such, but I didn't do that with her."

"When you say 'that', you are saying you are not the father of her child?"

"I didn't do anything that would make that possible. No, I am not the father of her child."

"He's lying. My daughter says he is the only one who was ever with her."

Remaining silent although he had a lot he could say to that one, Adam stood straight and tall not letting himself be intimidated.

"She's right outside. Let's see if you can lie right to her face." Darren was going to grab Adam and drag him outside, but Ben stepped between them.

"Perhaps it would be best if you would bring her in here to ask her in front of us."

"Well I suppose that's all right." Darren got his daughter and made Mary Ellen stand beside him as he asked. "Now did you tell me that Adam is the father of your child?"

In a small weak voice that was barely audible, Mary Ellen said she had.

"There, you see. It's just what I told you."

"No, sir, you asked her if she told you that. What I want to know is will she accuse me when I'm standing right here looking her in the eye. Will you, Mary Ellen? Will you daresay that now?"

As Mary Ellen burst into tears, Mr. McGillivray became even more upset. "Now he's trying to scare her into denying what she said. It ain't right. That ain't right at all."

"Darren, I think what Adam wants her to do is to say here and now who the father of that baby is. He has a right to hear her say it, don't you think?"

"Well, that may be so. Go ahead, darling, tell them who the father is. Go ahead, you can say it here. I'll protect you. Is Adam the father of your baby?"

"No!" and then Mary Ellen ran from the house.

In consternation, Mr. McGillivray looked at the door standing open behind him. "I'm going to get to the bottom of this. I'll be back."

"Sir?" Halting in midstride, the angry man looked back at Adam. "Sir, you might want to talk with the Morgan brothers."

"Those two shiftless brothers who used to work for me?"

"Yes sir, I believe Mary Ellen may have known them very well."

After the McGillivrays had left, Ben turned on Adam. "Now if you knew those two men were taking advantage of that girl, why didn't you say anything?"

"If I said anything, I would have to say how I knew, and I didn't want to do that."

Thinking about that for a while, Ben started to get an idea of why Adam had not said anything. "You could have at least mentioned it to me, and somehow I could have let Darren know."

"She's older than I am, Pa. Isn't it her choice to do as she wishes? I was tempted by her offer, but it seemed she may have had other motives, and now I know what they were."

"Adam, you're going to college in a few months. You need to be ready to handle these situations."

"Pa, I thought I did handle it." With that, Adam left to go do the tasks assigned to him for the day. Ben stood and watched him as he mounted up and rode out. He knew that Adam was right in that regard, but he couldn't help worrying about him. When he was out east for several years, he wondered how his son would manage. He was handsome and charming. The Ponderosa was worth a lot of money so Ben had to wonder if there would be girls there who would try to trap him into marriage.

Sitting at his desk, Ben got back to thinking about the party they were about to have on the Ponderosa. It was the first party since Marie had died. She had so enjoyed those parties. Party planning and decorating had always put her in a good mood. They were going to celebrate Easter, spring, and Adam's eighteenth birthday with one big party. Hoss and Little Joe were looking forward to it. Adam seemed noncommittal and Ben wondered why. He thought perhaps he was thinking about leaving and that he might be regretting his decision. Ben planned to talk with Adam about that once the party was over.

The McGillivrays did not attend the party. Ben had heard that Darren had taken his daughter on a trip that he assumed was a euphemism for finding a friend or relative with whom she could stay until the baby was born. It would be very difficult for that family for a time, but Ben hoped they would find a way to reconcile. Each time that Ben saw Adam at the party, he seemed to be alone unless he was talking with one of the hands or his younger brothers. When he didn't participate in the dancing and Ben saw him walk around to the back of the house, he followed. He decided it might be time for them to talk. He found Adam sitting on the garden bench in the back with his long legs stretched out in front of him as he gazed at the stars in the sky. Earlier this area had been a beehive of activity with children looking for all the colored eggs the brothers had hidden back there. Now though it was quiet with muted sounds of the party filtering in.

"You shouldn't let what Darren McGillivray said affect you so much. You should go ahead and dance with the girls out there. There must be a dozen girls who wouldn't mind you on their dance card."

"They've been warned off from me. Each one I asked said her parents had said they couldn't dance with the savage."

"Adam, you shouldn't refer to yourself that way. You were forced to live with the Shoshoni. It wasn't your choice."

"Why shouldn't I refer to myself that way? In town, I hear it often enough. You even called me that once."

That struck deep. Ben had known that Adam would never forget his drunken slander. "Adam, I was so wrong to say that. I apologized then, and I apologize again. It isn't right for anyone to say that about you."

"Why not? I grew up with the Shoshoni. I killed my first man at sixteen and another one the following year. I killed another in a gunfight in town. Parents are telling their daughters I'm dangerous. Pa, do you think they'll let me start fresh when I get back from college? Will that make a difference to them or will I always be an outsider and have to deal with their suspicions?"

"Adam, people need time I guess. Ignorance can be a powerful foe. They don't know you well enough yet even though it is almost two years that you've been here. Rumors and speculation have been spread as much as knowledge about you. I know it's difficult, but, in time, it will be better, I'm sure."

"I guess I'm not so sure. Things seem to be worse now then when I first got here. People used to stare, but it seemed to more curiosity than anything. Now I see hostility."

"Some of that is because then they saw you as a boy. Now they see you as a man, and that has changed how they see you when you're near their daughters."

"Pa, I would never do anything that a girl didn't want."

Chuckling a little, Ben sat down and leaned back next to his son. "Adam, I think they look at you and worry about what their daughters want to do with you." Surprised at first, Adam smiled as he realized what his father meant. "You're a very handsome young man, and girls seem to want to be around you. You are quite good at flirting with the girls too." Adam frowned a bit. "It's not a bad thing, but I've seen them blush and sometimes they touch you on the arm or the shoulder as they tell you what a scamp you are even if they don't use that word. I think that frightens their parents. Now how about going back to the dance. There are probably ladies who would love to dance with you. Seeing you dance with some of the respectable ladies might make some of those parents out there loosen up a little. In fact, if there's any particular girl you would like to be with, ask her mother to dance first. She'll see what a gentleman you are."

And it worked out pretty much as Ben had predicted. Adam asked a few of the ladies to dance and paid special attention to those whose husbands never danced. Within an hour or so, he was the most sought after dance partner on the floor. Ben saw him smiling most of the time and sighed deeply so relieved that his advice had hit the mark this time. He knew how easy it would have been for him to be wrong, and then Adam would have been even more hurt.

The day after the party, the family dressed for Easter services. After church, they visited with their friends and neighbors who all thanked them for the wonderful party. About an hour after the service ended, Ben told his sons to get the horses ready for the ride home.

"Ah, Pa, you said we could have a picnic. Hop Sing even packed a lunch for each of us in the saddlebags."

"Oh, Hoss, I had forgotten. Do you really want to do that? We could just go home."

"No, no, Papa, you promised a picnic." Little Joe was more insistent. "You said we could skip stones and everything, Papa."

"Very well, Adam, I guess we have to take your brothers on a picnic. I hope you don't mind too much."

"Well, I guess it would be all right as long as they don't throw you in the lake or anything."

Not knowing they were being teased, Hoss and Little Joe promised to be on their best behavior and do everything they were told to do. When Ben told them that they were in fact going to have the picnic, Hoss and Little Joe ran for their horses not allowing their father a chance to change his mind. Ben smiled at Adam who returned the smile. They had gotten a promise of good behavior with their little game. It was well worth the minimal effort it had taken.

Lunch at the lake was very pleasant. It was a little cool but just enough to make the exertions of skipping stones and hiking up the boulders more enjoyable. Once they had exhausted themselves and sat on the shoreline before heading home, Ben opened the conversation that he knew Adam had been dreading.

"Boys, you know that Adam had a birthday recently. He's eighteen now and a man. Well sometimes men have things they have to do that they couldn't do as boys. Adam has a quest like that ahead of him. Would you like to explain it to your brothers now, Adam?"

Settling himself in the grass near his younger brothers, Adam began with his desire to see Abel Stoddard. "I have a grandfather who lives in Boston. I never met him. He saw me as a baby and hasn't seen me since. He's a lot older than Pa and not in good health. I want to go see him while I still can. I want to talk with him and get to know him."

"Adam, that sounds like fun. Can we go along?" Little Joe had no idea how long a trip that would be.

"Little Joe, it's a very long way from here. It will take me at least two months to get there. It might be three months if I miss my ship in New Orleans."

"So it's gonna be six months maybe before you get home again. That's a real long time."

"Ah, Hoss, I'm going to be gone about three or four years probably. I'm going to go to school while I stay with my grandfather. If I work hard, I can complete the course of study in three years or a little less. If I have any problems, it could take as long as four years to be done."

"Adam, you're a man, so why do you have to go to school."

"Hoss, it's a college. I want to study things I can't study here. It's why I've been studying and reading so much and working on my arithmetic. It was all to get ready for college."

"Adam, I don't want you to go. We got school here. There's all sorts of books and stuff in our school. You could just go there with us and study at home like you been doing."

"Little Joe, I have to go to Boston to see my grandfather anyway. I want to get to know him too. I can't do that here."

"But who's gonna help me with my school work? Who's gonna be there when there's a storm? I need you, Adam." Hoss had come to depend on Adam and would miss his older brother a great deal, but surprisingly, it was Little Joe who was most upset that Adam would be going away.

"Hoss can do those things for you, Little Joe."

Feeling proud of Adam's confidence in him, Hoss was still torn for he had just gotten to know his brother, and now he was going to be gone again. Little Joe ran to his horse then, and Ben followed him. He had expected that Little Joe would not understand. He hoped that Hoss would accept it, but that was still up in the air too.

There was a lot of tension in the ranch house at the Ponderosa over the next week. Little Joe refused to speak with Adam. Hoss looked like he might cry every time that any mention was made of Adam leaving. Adam finally asked if he could ride the fence lines as a way to escape the pressure. Ben thought it might cool things down a bit if his sons were separated for a time so he agreed Adam could do that. It was a necessary chore especially in the spring in the upper pastures. Adam took enough provisions for a week, put wire and other supplies on a packhorse, and headed out on a Monday morning. Ben wished him a safe week, but his younger brothers said nothing. On Wednesday, Sheriff Roy Coffee rode into the yard and asked to see Ben.

"Well, Roy, this is an unexpected surprise. What brings you out here in the middle of the week?"

"Ben, I got some bad news. There's some young Shoshoni been raiding east of here. Took a lot of property, burned a lot, and killed and wounded a few."

"That's terrible, Roy. We'll be sure to keep an eye out and the men will certainly help if we can."

"Ben, I need to ask if Adam is here."

"Why, Roy?"

"Well, one of them young Shoshoni is riding a horse with a Ponderosa brand. Some around here say it looked like your Adam."

"That's poppycock, Roy, and you know it. Adam is out riding fence lines in our upper pastures."

"Is there anyone who can verify that?"

"Well, of course not. But why wouldn't he be? Roy, this is ridiculous."

"Ben, I know it is, but I have witnesses claiming they saw him, so I gotta investigate. Now you want to ride with me to go talk with him?"

"I'll go with you, but I can almost guarantee that he's going to be mad about this and rightfully so. He's shown himself to be an honorable and upright young man. When are people going to accept him here? He's my son. If he goes away, it will be to college, and he'll be back someday. People better start accepting that."

"I'm sure most do already, but you know there's always some who are suspicious. Now let's go talk to him and gets this squared away."

After making arrangements to be gone for two days and packing provisions, Ben rode out with Roy. When they got to the line shack where Ben expected to find Adam, there were some supplies there but no sign of Adam at all. It appeared he hadn't been there for days. Then they heard shots fired. Both men drew weapons and prepared to defend themselves.


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14**

As Ben and Roy cautiously made their way toward where shots were being fired, Ben reached out a hand and stopped Roy's advance. "Roy, they're not shooting at us. Some of those shots are from the ridge up behind here, and the other shots are from ahead of us apparently firing at whomever is on top of that ridge."

"Who do you suppose is doing all that shooting up there or down here?"

"Only one way to find out. Let's go but keep your head down until we see what's going on and who's who."

Working their way through the trees, Ben and Roy finally saw four young Shoshoni who were firing at someone up on the ridge. The four appeared to have camped there for some time, and Ben recognized the pack-horse that Adam had taken with him. Occasionally one of the young men would fire up at the ridge at whomever they had pinned down up there. Mostly they were laughing and talking but keeping themselves within the perimeter of the trees that shielded their camp.

"Roy, that has to be Adam up there."

"Now, Ben, there's no way to know that for sure."

"Who else would it be?"

At that point, there was a shot from the man hidden up on the ridge, and one of the young warriors cried out in pain. He had been hit in the shoulder, and the others ran to his aid. He had gotten careless thinking that the man on the ridge couldn't hit them where they were, but apparently he had switched positions since they had last checked and had gotten a firing line. Two of them fired a number of rounds up at the ridge pinning the man down as the third man helped the one who was wounded. It was clear that they were now very angry, and from their determined looks, it appeared that they were going to find a way to get the man on the ridge.

"Roy, we have to help him. It's three against one now that one's wounded, but with us here, the odds are evened up, and we might catch them in a crossfire."

"All right, but let me go back and get my rifle and more ammunition. These boys look like they're loaded for bear, and I don't aim to run out of ammunition ifn they come after us instead of that one on the ridge."

"All right, but hurry."

Up on the ridge, Adam was smiling with the incongruity of it all. He had been taken by the Shoshoni and held by them for nearly six years. Now he was on a ridge trying to protect himself from the Shoshoni down below who wanted to kill him. Some whites thought of him as Shoshoni yet because he had been held by them for so long. The Shoshoni saw him as a white man and wanted to kill him for the color of his skin. Once again, he felt he was not part of any world but was only himself. He began working on a desperate plan to try to survive this encounter. He had no idea that help was very close or he would have waited.

Ben watched as the Shoshoni helped the one who was wounded. Watching carefully from concealment, Ben was sure that the few glimpses he had of the man on the ridge were proof that it was Adam. The man was tall but slender. He also had deadly accuracy with that rifle. As Roy got back, Ben was shocked at the next development though. The three warriors were beginning to advance with stealth up the slope moving from cover to cover. They were now almost out of range of Ben and Roy who would have to move closer giving up their defensive position. So the two men moved forward expecting the warriors to turn and fire, but a move up on top distracted them from anything else. The man up there stood briefly to fire and all three fired at him. He fell backwards, and his rifle fell from his grasp and clattered down the slope. With whoops and hollers all three Shoshoni charged up the slope only to have the man on top lean over the boulder that concealed him and fire his pistol with deadly accuracy. All three fell. One was dead from the shot and the other two died from the falls they took after they were wounded. One of the dead warriors had short hair. He had probably been at a mission school or had been living with whites somewhere. He was probably the one that some had reported as being Adam. Ben and Roy stopped at the camp and Roy secured the one who was wounded earlier.

After checking to see that all three of the warriors at the base of the slope were dead as he expected them to be, Ben started the long walk up to the ridge. As he climbed, he picked up the rifle that had fallen and saw the big C carved into the stock. It was Adam's rifle. His heart was beating rapidly and not just from the climb. He was scared of what he would find at the top. He called out Adam's name several times and got only one response. As he got to the boulder where he had last seen his son, he saw blood. He rushed around the boulder to find Adam leaning against the rock and pointing a pistol at him. Adam dropped it when he saw it was his father.

"I wondered if the cavalry was going to arrive. I heard you coming up the slope. I'm sorry if I couldn't yell out more than I did. I'm pretty tired. If I had known you were down there, I wouldn't have taken such a risk."

"How bad are you hit?"

"The last one wasn't bad. It's just a crease. Those warriors weren't very good shots. But they got me in the thigh two days ago, and that one hurts a lot. I'm also real thirsty. I wasn't able to take anything with me except my rifle. I ran out of ammunition for that a little bit ago. I thought it was getting close to the end for me. All I had left was that desperate move, and luckily for me, it worked. I didn't know I had help so close."

Kneeling next to his son, Ben was examining the thigh wound as Adam talked. As he probed, Adam grimaced and then groaned a bit. The bullet was still in there and needed to come out. They must have hit him from a distance because the bullet had not gone all the way through his leg. Instead it was lodged in the large thigh muscle in the front and prevented Adam from running or even walking any more. Ben slid Adam's arm around his shoulders and pulled him upright almost immediately feeling how hot his son was. Adam groaned again because of the pain, and Ben asked him if he could make it down the slope with help. He could only nod. Regardless of what he had said, he had lost blood from the original wound and then the crease from the most recent shooting. Down at the bottom, Roy helped Ben get Adam back to the cabin. Ben handed Adam several cups of water as he began heating water on the small Franklin stove and started a fire in the fireplace as well. Roy went back to pack the bodies on horses and secure the one wounded man. Once that was done, he told Ben he was heading back and would send help.

"Tell them to send a wagon. Adam won't want to be riding with that leg for a while."

What was worrying Ben even more was that Adam was running a fever already and had a hoarse voice and a cough. He helped him clean up and remove his pants and then bandaged his arm. He looked at the wound in his leg and then looked up at Adam's face. He was looking back impassively, but Ben could tell he knew.

"We can't wait for the doctor. He won't get here until tomorrow at the earliest. That wound is festering. That bullet has to come out, and the wound has to be left open to drain."

All Adam did was nod, but Ben knew the thoughts he must have had. They had nothing for anesthesia except a very small amount of whiskey kept in the line shacks for medication. They would need that to clean the wound. There wouldn't be enough to drink. Ben washed his hands and laid an extra blanket under the wounded thigh. He washed his knife as well and then took a deep breath. "Are you ready?"

"Don't think I can be ready for this. Just do what you have to do."

After handing Adam a piece of rawhide on which to bite when the pain got bad, Ben told him gently to lie back on the bed and grab hold of the sides. Then he pressed the knife against the wound to open it. Adam groaned in pain with that, and pus and fluid drained from the wound. Ben kept it open and poured soapy water into the opening to get more to drain out. Then he dabbed at the wound and cut away a small amount of dead tissue.

All of that had Adam nearly passing out from the pain but the worst was yet to come. Ben would have to probe for the bullet and then dig it out. He had been forced to do this before but never on his own family. It hurt him every time he heard a sound from Adam, but he had to keep going. He felt the bullet and when he went to pry it loose, Adam arched up and then passed out. It was the best thing for both of them. He wasn't moving any more which simplified Ben's task, and without the groans of agony, Ben didn't have tears in his eyes as he worked either. When the blood from the wound looked red and not black and putrid, Ben knew he had done all he could. He poured a small amount of alcohol into the wound area and then dabbed it away. He pressed a bandage over the wound and held it in place until the bleeding slowed. Then he placed a fresh clean bandage over the wound and wrapped a long strip of bandage around Adam's leg. He couldn't stitch it closed nor cauterize it for the wound had to drain. He pulled the blanket up over his son when he finished tossing the blood soaked cloths into the fire. Then he washed his hands and made some soup from provisions they had brought along. He hoped that Roy would make it as far as the ranch house by dark so that help could come first thing in the morning. By then, the expected Adam's fever to be worse, and it was.

The hands brought the wagon by noon the next day, and Hoss and Little Joe had both ridden along. Ben wasn't too happy about that until he saw Adam smile. That his brothers cared so much to make the ride to see him was the best medicine at this point. With help, Ben got Adam into the back of the wagon. Hoss and Little Joe sat to one side of him leaving room for Ben to sit on the other.

"Adam, does it hurt a lot?"

"Not too bad, Little Joe. I'll be fine."

"I thought it must hurt a lot if you can't walk."

"Well it does hurt some. How about the two of you tell me what you've been doing while I was gone to take my mind off of it. That would really help me."

There was nothing that Hoss and Little Joe liked better than being told to talk and especially about themselves. They shared everything they had done from chores to play to talking with Hop Sing. The few hours back to the ranch house passed much more pleasantly for Adam that way even though every bump and jostle make him grimace in pain although he did his best to conceal it as much as possible. Ben kept a cool cloth on his forehead and frequently wet a cloth to wipe his face and arms to help keep him cooler. There was a canteen of tea from Hop Sing from which Adam sipped every minute or so. He was so relaxed that Ben had to assume that Hop Sing had put some of his special herbal mixture in with the tea as well as some sugar for nourishment. When they were about an hour from home, Ben noticed Adam's eyelids drooping and told the younger boys to let him fall asleep.

"Little Joe, you can hold his hand, and Hoss, you can put a hand on his shoulder. I'm sure that your touch will help him sleep well and heal." Taking that responsibility very seriously, both boys carefully did as requested.

Doctor Martin was waiting for them when they arrived home. He did a quick check of Adam while he was still lying in the back of the wagon. Then he did a more thorough exam once they had him upstairs in his bed. As he walked down the stairs, he saw three sets of eyes watching him carefully. "Ben, you did what was needed. I'm leaving that wound open to drain. It doesn't look too bad. I'll be back tomorrow to clean it up and stitch it closed if it looks like the drainage is completely clear. The crease on the arm is already looking pretty good."

"What about the cough?"

"He has a respiratory infection." At the concerned looks, he smiled. "He has a cold. He was out in the weather and didn't have any food or drink for two days and almost no sleep. He was worn out and got a cold. He'll be fine. Hop Sing knows what to do. He's already up there getting a kettle of water heating by the fireplace, and he brought up some tea to soothe his throat."

Needing to rest more than anything, Adam spent the next few days in his bed. His brothers visited him when Ben said it was all right to do so. They usually spent mealtimes in his room eating their food as Adam ate his. For Little Joe, that also meant a lot of talking, but for Hoss talking had to wait until the food was gone. Adam would tease him about that.

"Adam, Little Joe don't mind ifn his food gets cold. But I like to eat my food while it's still hot right from the stove or the oven."

Chuckling, Adam listened with half of his attention to Little Joe tell his stories. After each meal, Adam's eyes would start to droop and that was the signal their father had said to watch for because it meant they had to leave the room. Adam had become quite adept at doing that whether he was tired or not. He would either nap, or more likely, he would pull out a book and be able to read in peace until the next mealtime. He almost missed his sickbed when the doctor told him he could get up and move around carefully although he wasn't cleared to ride or work for another month.

On one of those days, Ben had to have the talk with Adam that he dreaded. He had to tell Adam the stories that had been circulating about him and how many still thought him capable of being more Shoshoni than white. Adam listened stoically as he always did to bad news. At the end of Ben's tale, he looked very somberly up at his father.

"Do you think they will ever forgive me for being captured?"

"Son, there may always be some ignorant people out there who can't let go of their ignorance. I'm sorry that's true I'm afraid that it will always be the case."

"Can you ever forget that it's part of me?"

"It is part of you, and I know that, but I no longer think about it. You're my son, and for me, that is all that really matters."

"Then I will accept it. I can't change it anyway."

"You rest, get healthy again, and we'll talk whenever you want." With a smile, Ben left the room amazed once again how much Adam could accept. He knew there was still a lot of anger bottled up inside of him but hoped that over time, it would diminish.

By the day that the doctor cleared Adam from all restrictions, it was almost time for him to leave. He began packing carefully because he would only have what he could carry on his horse and a pack-horse. He was taking two of the older horses they had and would sell them in New Orleans to use the money for travel. Little Joe and Hoss started to feel sad each time they saw Adam pack anything. But they now understood why he had to go although neither of them liked him leaving. It was hard to tell who would miss him more. Ben had learned to rely on him. Hoss learned so much from him and Adam bolstered his self-confidence and self-worth like no one else could do. Little Joe went to Adam for comfort and support especially when he was scared or troubled. Adam told him he could go to Hoss, but Little Joe knew it wouldn't be the same. He would have to grow up quite a bit more now that Adam was leaving. On the day Adam carried everything downstairs and saddled one horse and loaded the packhorse, there wasn't a dry eye in the house. Hop Sing acted as if it was all a big imposition but the imprecations were a cover for his sadness. Little Joe and Hoss openly cried, and Ben had tears in his eyes. Adam almost stayed when he saw what his leaving was doing.

"No, son, you have to go. If you don't, you'll regret it the rest of your life. Most of the time, our regrets are not what we have done. Most regrets are things we should have done and didn't do. We'll be here when you're ready to come home. Now you go out there, and you show them what a Cartwright can do. Be sure to give my letter to your grandfather. If there's anything you need, you let us know. It may take some time to get it to you, but I will, one way or another."

"I'll be back, Pa. I don't know when, but I'll be back."


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15** (four years later)

Leaning against the stage window, Adam watched the more familiar scenery of the West go by. It was brown and gray with clear blue skies. The lush green of the land east of the Mississippi was gone replaced now by land where one could see for miles and miles, but often there was nothing to see unless you knew where to look. He finally felt comfortable again. He had spent four years in Boston going to school and getting to know his grandfather.

School had been difficult. Not only was the constriction of four walls stressful, but the studies demanded he learn more and more just to understand the concepts taught in the classes. He had taken a wide variety of coursework and felt he was a better man for it, but he had learned too of prejudice, discrimination, and intolerance far more deeply entrenched than it was in the West. More than once and in fact more times than anyone could count, he had been called names like savage and common trash as well as other less dignified words. He had learned to control his temper and not strike out at the barbs because they only brought more as well as the disapproval of his professors. Some of the professors had taken him under their wing to nurture the raw intelligence and intellect there while others had seen him as an amusing curiosity. Of course there were a few who were offended that he was even in their midst. But he was done with all of them now with test scores, knowledge, and a degree that could never be taken away. He had proved himself again, but it had not made him many friends. There were only a few young men that he would enjoy encountering again, and none that he liked so much that he would seek them out though.

Grandpa Stoddard had been an education all by himself. His gruff ways that hid a caring heart, but his willingness to accept work with less than savory characters had created a complex relationship between grandfather and grandson. Adam loved his grandfather and all the stories he could tell about Adam's mother Elizabeth. But his methods of doing business and his ability to rationalize any shady behavior as being necessary made Adam further develop his own ethical and moral standards. He had never learned to lie because he had grown up with people who didn't know how. He might not volunteer information and often held vital information back when he wasn't sure how it would be received but never knowingly made a false statement. His grandfather relied on the buyer beware premise, and said that if they didn't ask the right questions, then they didn't deserve the right information. He watched and listened as his grandfather lied by omission and manipulated with ease, and then he understood why he had once heard his father call him an old pirate.

"It's business, boy, business. Everyone does it."

So Adam learned a lot about moral ambiguities and frailties as well as how one could stay within the law and yet be unethical. That made him understand even better why his father had been somewhat reluctant to let him be under his grandfather's care. He wasn't just worried that Grandfather Stoddard would somehow entice Adam to stay in Boston. He was worried about the impact of Grandfather Stoddard's more fluid moral code. He need not have worried. Adam was a mature young man not so easily turned from his path. He learned, he had experiences, and he grew but kept his own moral and ethical code intact and refined it.

Grandfather Stoddard could also use his words to hurt and often did. Ben had done that sometimes too but only when he was extremely angry or grief stricken and always felt terrible afterwards when he realized what he had done. Grandfather Stoddard was more willing to let those words remain. Apologies were never offered for anything he had said. Yet he gave his grandson everything he could and assisted him in every way possible.

Then suddenly just before Adam got his degree, his grandfather had died. He left everything to Adam who had decided by this time that he did not wish to live in Boston although he knew he would always enjoy visits to cities for the amenities they offered. Adam managed to finish his last projects and examinations drawing on that inner strength he had to overcome adversity. He took care of everything that needed his attention with his grandfather's estate and with the people who had worked for him. He did not cry until the day before he left Boston. He had stood at his mother's grave and the new grave of his grandfather next to it and let the tears flow. After spending most of the morning there grieving and saying goodbye, he finished his packing and prepared to spend one last night in the city. Then the next morning he had boarded the train for the first leg of his journey back to the Ponderosa.

After many transfers from one railroad company to the next, wagon trips, and finally rides on stagecoaches, Adam was nearly there. He thought of it as the Ponderosa and realized he did not yet think of it as home. He wondered if he ever would even though it was where his family lived. He smiled as he remembered Ben, Hoss, and Little Joe. He did accept them as his family and the only one he had. The passengers on the coach headed to Virginia City included one inquisitive young woman who asked him if he lived out here.

"Yes, I do. I live near Virginia City on a ranch."

"Did you grow up there?"

"No, I spent a number of years traveling with my father until I was taken by the Pawnee in an attack but they sold me to the Shoshoni, and then I lived among the Shoshoni for six years before I was rescued. I lived at a fort for a few years until they let me leave and then I lived on my own for almost two years before I went to live with my father and brothers on the ranch."

"Where have you been recently?"

"I just spent four years going to college. I'm going back to the ranch now for the first time in four years. I expect a lot has changed."

Completely fascinated by the bare bones story Adam had told, the young woman leaned forward in her eagerness. "You should write a book about your life. It sounds so exciting."

The girl's parents and the other passengers were not so impressed with the story. To them it was some tall tale this young man dressed all in black had concocted to titillate the young woman. If he said more, her father was ready to tell him to stop lying to cover what he was really up to, but that pistol at the young man's side was a bit of a deterrent to talking harshly to him. At the last way station before Virginia City, three riders leading a fourth horse pulled up just as the stage was arriving. Adam was polite even though he was more excited than he thought he would be. He was the last to exit the stage and as he did so, he was caught in a big hug by his father who was now several inches shorter than him but still a big bear of a man. Next sixteen-year-old Hoss wrapped his arms around his brother which Adam found far more comfortable than hugging his father even if Hoss was already at least an inch taller than he was. Little Joe was next but offered his hand for a shake. Adam very politely shook his hand wondering at the strange reaction. Then the four bid the station manager adieu and left.

The young woman found the whole situation fascinating. As the four Cartwrights rode off, she had to ask. "Who was that?" And the station manager obliged her with a short rendition of the Cartwright family history.

"That's Ben Cartwright and his two younger sons. Ben is the biggest rancher in Nevada by far. Some say he might be governor of this place when it becomes a state. That older one is his son Adam. That boy sure has a whopper of a story to tell. He was taken by Indians when he was just a youngun. He got an arrow right through him but he lived. He ended up with the Shoshoni living with them for years learning their ways and such until he was found by the Army. They rescued him and put him in a kind of school cause they didn't find his family right off, and Adam thought they were all dead. They taught him some, and then he was on his own until he rescued his own pa one day. What a surprise that was for all of them to know the other was still alive. Then with hardly no regular schooling at all, that Adam gets himself accepted at a college and heads off there. He sure is a smart one. That's one lucky family, well, except for all the womenfolk dying on em. Ben ain't been lucky that way."

"Womenfolk dying?"

"Well, Adam's ma died when he was born. Ben's second wife died in the same Indian attack when Adam was taken. And then Marie died just a short time before Adam headed off to college. They've had a tough time of it, but lots of folks out here learn to deal with troubles. You move on. They sure done that all right." The girl wasn't surprised, but her parents and the other passengers were amazed that the young man's story had been true. In the distance, they could still see the dust from the four riding on their horses.

As Ben and his sons rode to the Ponderosa, Adam filled in the stories that he had written in his letters. He didn't share his observations of his grandfather. Some were too personal and some too negative. He thought perhaps someday to discuss those with his father. Hoss and Joe talked about all the changes on the ranch which had gotten even bigger in his absence. Ben asked what he had done with all that he had inherited.

"Some of the items especially those from mother's bedroom and grandfather's office, I packed up and shipped here. They should arrive within a few months. I sold the properties he owned and invested in some business ventures. The rest I have with me in bank drafts and will deposit those in banks here. There are some investments out here I would like to make too, and I thought to invest in the ranch if you would let me."

"Son, you don't need to invest in the ranch. It's part of your heritage too."

"But you see, I have some ideas, and I thought that I could use the money to pay for those." Adam saw his father bristle at that and knew he was in for a fight. He wondered which of his ideas he should mention first: the most practical to try to get his father to agree, or the most daring and try to have this out with him once and for all. He decided instead to wait.

"What kind of ideas?"

"We can talk about that anytime. None are so important as to need to be discussed now when we have so much catching up to do."

Ben noted how good Adam was at evasion, and if anything, had probably honed that talent in the last four years. He knew that his oldest son did not lie, but he was expert at withholding information just as he was at that moment. Ben knew he wouldn't find out Adam's ideas until he was ready to tell, and that would be by some internal calculation on his part. He sighed and began to talk about the upcoming cattle drive, the largest they had ever attempted. Both Hoss and Joe jumped onto that topic and the lively conversation continued.

"Pa said that maybe I could go along." Little Joe at ten was still small for his age, and Adam had to wonder if it was a good idea to bring him along on such a dangerous endeavor. Little Joe bristled at that, and then Adam knew he had managed to raise the ire of two of his family already. Trying to avoid any more discord, he asked Hoss about what he would do on the drive.

"Well, Pa said it depends some on you. Ifn you want to be ramrod, then I would just be a drover, but ifn you were willing to do the remuda, then I would be ramrod."

Hearing the hopeful tone in Hoss' voice, Adam knew what to say. "I would be happy to handle the remuda. I might need some help from you on that job though as I have never done it."

Beaming, Hoss had an answer and an offer. "Sure, I'll help ya with the horses, and maybe you can help me with the ramrod job. I ain't never done that neither. We could work together like partners."

"Sounds like a fine plan to me, Hoss. When is this drive supposed to happen?"

"Pa says in about a month to make sure we get through the mountain passes before there's any snow. Then we can get back to the ranch too before we have to worry about snow."

Looking at his father, Adam asked the next logical question. "Are you going to be the trail boss then?"

"Yes, and that's why I have thought about taking Little Joe along."

"Are you sure that's wise? It sounds like it could be dangerous."

Little Joe whirled on Adam at that. "You ain't my pa. You ain't even really part of the family. You just drop in every few years for a visit so don't start making decisions for me."

"Joseph, that's enough. You will apologize for that outburst. Adam was only concerned for your welfare."

A surly 'sorry' was followed by silence the rest of the way even as Hoss and Adam talked about hunting and all sorts of other things they could do together. Any attempt to include Joe was ignored so they made some plans without him. Ben watched his three sons and wondered what to do. He had known that Little Joe was concerned about Adam coming home, but until now had not known how upset he could get and how quickly when Adam was part of the conversation. His outburst had laid open his heart for he still resented Adam and did not trust him. Ben had hoped that with time, Little Joe would have come to understand how much Adam meant to the family and that he would lay down his life for one of them if necessary. His reserved nature though was in such sharp contrast to the much more emotional little boy. Little Joe probably also resented that Hoss and Adam were back to an easy camaraderie after such a short time because for the previous four years, Little Joe and Hoss had been nearly inseparable. Now Hoss and Adam were talking about doing all sorts of things together and that made Joe both sad and angry as well as jealous. Ben was resigned to a period of turmoil until everything settled out again.


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16**

As expected, Little Joe got his way and went on the cattle drive. Ben had been able to tell quite easily that Adam was not happy with that decision. His stiff posture on hearing the news told the story even if he kept his comments neutral. Hoss was ambivalent. He liked having his little brother along but worried about all the dangers on the trail especially for the impulsive boy. Often, Hoss had gotten in trouble because Little Joe had rushed into something, and Hoss had to do something about it, or Little Joe would come up with these ideas that he could make sound so good, but trouble usually followed. One concession Ben made was that he had insisted that Little Joe help with the roundup to prove himself, and the boy had worked hard for those five days in the pastures sleeping out at night and eating chuck wagon chow. Unfortunately, Little Joe's attention span was stretched by those five days and would break in the six weeks of the drive as he found it was mostly hard work and no fun. He especially did not like sharing in the nightherding duties with his father. Adam and Hoss shared another shift, and Little Joe wanted to be the one paired with Hoss but his father said that his idea was better so Little Joe had to accept it.

About two weeks into the drive as they were in a wide mountain valley with thick thickets of brush haphazardly located and stands of trees on either side, the men had to work especially hard to keep all of the cattle together and moving forward. To help the drovers, Ben volunteered that he and Little Joe would take the last two shifts of nightherding so that the drovers could get more rest. As the light of dawn broke over the valley, and Adam and Hoss led some drovers out to start moving the herd, Ben told Little Joe that they could go in for breakfast and that they could ride in the wagon to get some rest. Joe began whooping and hollering and rode directly through the herd heading for breakfast. Ben yelled for him to stop but by the time Little Joe heard his father, it was too late. The herd had been startled, and the lead cows who were being headed out by Adam, Hoss, and the others began running. Soon the whole herd was up and running not knowing the danger but going by instinct to follow the leaders. The last Ben saw of his two older sons, they were riding fast trying to catch the running cows that were leading the stampede. Ben got Little Joe to the wagon and told him to sit and not do another thing until he was told he could.

The stampede lasted most of the next half hour. The cattle were strung out over miles of mountain valley and broken into small groups with some in the trees or brush and others in small side canyons. There were some with broken legs, and they were hauled back to be used although it was more meat than the men could eat so some would be lost. Ben greeted the drovers as they returned asking each one the same question until he got an answer. Hoss returned with some of the men that had headed out with them at the break of dawn.

"Where's Adam, and who turned the herd?"

"Pa, Adam was up ahead and turned the herd. He was riding like an Indian in the middle of them cattle waving his hat and whooping and hollering until he got em turned back on themselves. After we got the cattle all settled down, we looked for him and didn't see him. We thought he musta come back here. Where is he?"

Ignoring the reference to Adam as an Indian, Ben organized a search but there were no discernable tracks with the mess the cattle had made of that valley during their stampede. Ben went back to camp to see if Adam had returned there and found he had not. All day, he and Hoss searched but found no trace of him. In the miles and miles of the stampede and the brush and trees along the way, they knew they could easily have missed something. Forced to quit by darkness, they resolved to head out the next morning as soon as there was some light. Ben had torches lit all around so that anyone but especially Adam could see the light to find their way back. By the middle of the night, a couple of drovers who had been unhorsed were back, but not Adam. There was also a heavy fog in the morning that was going to make doing anything next to impossible as one could only see clearly for about twenty feet.

As Ben and the others discussed how to proceed with the search for Adam and for the lost cattle, out of the morning mist, Adam appeared and walked up to them through the dry rocky streambed. Ben stood and wanted to rush to hug his son but knew Adam wouldn't that attention if he did it in front of the drovers. Adam dropped his saddle, tack, and saddle bags on the ground and then dropped himself just as unceremoniously on the makeshift bench the men used to eat breakfast. He looked at his father and the others watching him.

"I had to shoot my horse. It was gored too badly to survive. Then I walked back but I stopped to rest on the way when it got so dark I wasn't sure where I was. This morning I realized that if I followed this dry stream, I'd find you unless you moved the camp. I didn't think you would because it's going to take at least another day to get the herd organized and ready to move again."

"We didn't know where you were and couldn't find you."

"I moved away from the cattle. I was on foot, and they were restless. I thought the blood on my legs might spook them again."

Ben noticed then that Adam had a makeshift bandage around his upper left arm and another around his calf above his boot. "How badly are you hurt?"

"Not too bad, but they could use some cleaning up. I only had some water to use, and one extra shirt in my saddlebags."

Ben bellowed. "Hop Sing, we need you over here."

Busy cutting up beef from a couple of downed steers as well as preparing breakfast, Hop Sing was not happy to be called away from all the work he already had.

"All time yell. Hop Sing very busy. No need anyone yell."

But when Hop Sing saw Adam was back, he hurried to get his bag from the wagon. He told Adam to come over to the wagon where he had a lantern so he could see better what he was doing in the foggy morning. Adam stood to comply and almost immediately started to topple forward only to be caught by Ben's strong arms and eased to the ground. Exhausted he had finally succumbed to his weakness. Hoss spread out a bedroll for him, and then he and Ben moved Adam there. Hop Sing set the lantern next to the exhausted young man and unwrapped the wounds. He found them to be as Adam had said. They were shallow wounds but the one in his leg was long and had bled a lot. Ben had assumed the blood on his chaps was from his horse but then knew it was probably a mixture of his son's blood with that of his horse. Little Joe had been sitting quietly not wanting to draw attention to himself, but when Adam fell, he couldn't help it and began to cry. Once Ben was sure Adam was going to be all right, he walked to his young son.

"Do you understand now why Adam was reluctant to have you on this drive? You promised me that you would work hard and do as you were told. Instead your careless action yesterday cost us several horses, some cattle, and got your brother hurt. You will ride in the wagon the rest of the way as Hop Sing's helper. You will do everything he tells you to do or I will authorize him to take matters into his own hands, and you already know how much that big spoon of his stings. Have I made myself clear enough?"

Little Joe sobbed out a 'yes' and then buried his head in his hands to cry. Ben's heart almost broke at the sight, but he knew he shouldn't soothe the boy now or the lesson might not sink in like it should. Little Joe would have to live with what he had done until it was fully imprinted so that he would think before acting in the future. He had been told he had to ride with one of the family at all times, and that any yelling or hollering had to wait until they got home. He had violated those rules at the very worst time. Sadly Ben knew there were probably more lessons like this ahead for his impetuous impulsive son.

The only good that came out of it was that Adam had to ride in the wagon for a day until his leg wasn't so stiff and to be sure it wouldn't start bleeding again. Ben overheard part of the conversation Adam and Little Joe were having when he came in to grab some lunch that day.

"Adam, how come you're never scared?"

"Little Joe, I get scared. What makes you think I don't get scared?"

"Well the men said you rode right into the middle of them stampeding cattle and were yelling and hollering waving your hat until you got them turned around and pretty much running into each other instead of away. How come you weren't scared?"

"I was terrified. One wrong move or a stumble by my horse, and I would have been trampled so bad I would have looked like a rug instead of a person."

"Then how come you did it?"

"It needed to be done so I did it. I didn't think about being scared. I thought about what I had to do. Afterwards I think I was shaking for a good hour until I started to walk back."

"I don't get it. When I'm scared, I just want to hide. You said you were scared, and you just rode after the cattle anyway."

"Fear is always with us. It tells us to be careful, but you don't let fear control you or you'll never do things that need doing. I was scared and it made me be as careful as I could be doing what I was doing. Fear probably saved my life out there."

"I still don't think I understand."

"You will. The first time you have to do something that you're scared to do, but other people are depending on you to do it, so you do it. Then you'll understand."

"You still think I'm too young to be on a cattle drive." Not answering because he didn't want to start an argument, Adam shrugged. Joe was quiet for a short time. "I think you were right, and I was too young. But I learned a lot, and maybe if Pa lets me go on the next one, I could be like the assistant trail boss or something and stay with the wagon."

"I think being assistant cook who rides in the wagon might just be a better idea."

"You do? Great, I'm gonna tell Pa you think I ought to be assistant trail boss on the next drive." As Little Joe scrambled out of the wagon amid Adam's protests that he had not said that, he came to a sudden halt finding his father standing right there. "Hey, Pa, Adam says I should be assistant trail boss on the next drive. That's a good idea, isn't it, Pa?"

"Little Joe, I've been standing here eating my lunch for, oh, say, ten minutes now. Do you think maybe you would like to amend your statement about what Adam said?"

"Well, I brought up the idea and he said it might just be a good idea for me to help with the cooking and ride with the wagon."

"With?"

"All right, he said in, but I thought he meant with."

"Well, I'll try the idea out on this drive. Until we get home, you ride in the wagon with Hop Sing and keep helping him like you have the last few days. Now aren't there some dishes you ought to be washing?" As Little Joe hurried to comply, Ben leaned into the wagon to ask Adam how he felt.

"Like a caged animal, but every time I try to walk, the darn cut in my leg starts leaking again. Hop Sing said that if it doesn't close up better by tonight, he's going to stitch it closed. If he does that, I'm going to be riding in here a lot longer so I'm trying to be careful to get it to start healing a bit better."

"There's no rush. We're on the downward leg now, and the valley is much wider and it will be more level every day from now on. There's less work to do so being down one drover isn't too bad. You just take care of that leg, and you'll be riding again in no time. I'll get you some lunch so you don't have to move around."

"Thanks, Pa. Thank you for everything."

"For everything?"

"For not yelling about me turning the herd and then not firing off shots to let you know where I was."

"I wanted to do just that, but I realized I would likely have done exactly the same thing if I was in your position. I just wouldn't have ridden right into the middle of them."

"It was that or get crushed up against a tree."

"Never thought of that. I guess that does make sense too. Well, I'm just really glad about how it all turned out. It made Joe appreciate you again too. He wasn't so sure about you coming back. Now if you and Hoss would take him along on a hunting trip, that would be even better."

"Pa, hunting? Joe with a rifle and two brothers to impress? I don't think so. How about if we take him fishing? I don't think he can hurt either one of us too much with a hook and a line."

"That sounds good to me, son."

A whoop that was quickly squelched from the other end of the wagon let them know that Joe had been listening. Ben had one last comment for his youngest.

"Eavesdropping is against my rules too!"


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17**

Several weeks later, an angry Adam stomped into the house dragging Little Joe by the collar. Adam was wet and muddy, but Joe was fine. Looking a bit sick, Hoss walked in behind Adam. Ben stood up from the chair where he was seated reading peacefully to find out what had happened. When he asked, he didn't like what he heard or how.

"This spoiled brat pushed me in the river. Then Hoss jumped in to try to save me and got tangled in some weeds and ended up drinking a lot of river water before I was able to pull him free. Meanwhile, this one stood on the river bank laughing hysterically."

Little Joe was just as vocal. "Pa, he spanked me. He ain't got no right to do that. You oughta spank him, Pa, for hitting me like that."

"Now did he hit you or spank you?"

"Well he hit me on my bottom and it hurt."

"Why did he spank you?" Ben didn't like the idea of Adam spanking Little Joe, but hitting would have been an entirely more serious issue.

With his chin stuck out defiantly, Little Joe complained. "Cause he can't take a joke, that's why. It was just a little water and he acted like he was all dirty or something. Heck sometimes he jumps in the water to cool down so I don't know what the big difference was."

"The big difference was I was wearing my boots, my hat, my leather vest, and my gunbelt. I never jump in the water with those on. My boots, vest, and gunbelt are ruined."

"Now, Adam, I'm sure Hop Sing can help you oil those, and they'll be fine. Please go on into the kitchen and get cleaned up. Hoss, you go too."

"What about him?" Adam was pointing at Joe.

"Joseph is my son, and I'll handle it. Now, please go get cleaned up." Looking at Little Joe who seemed almost triumphant with his brothers being banished was told to sit by Ben. "Now I want to hear everything that happened and don't tell me what to do. What happened?"

"Well we was having a good time fishing except we didn't catch no fish, well none that was big enough to keep, anyway. I felt some water hit me, and I said it was starting to rain, and Adam said look at the sky, dummy, there aren't any clouds."

"Did he actually say dummy?"

"Well he might not of said it but it was just the way he said it like he didn't really have to say it cause anybody could tell he meant it."

"Little Joe, from now on, I want you to just tell me what was said not what you think your brothers were thinking."

"Well anyway, Adam was laying by the water, and I kept feeling these drops of water hit me so I said he was a mean old smarty pants for throwing water on me, and he stood up and told me to take it back, and I said why cause he was a liar, and then he got really mad. He bent down to pick up his fishing pole and his book, and I pushed him into the river. He went in headfirst and kinda went under a few times before he got his feet down. His face really did look funny when he finally got his feet, but by that time, Hoss had jumped in to help Adam only he got stuck in some weeds and couldn't stand up right so Adam had to save him. Hoss crawled out and puked up a bunch of water, and that's when Adam spanked me. He shouldna done that, should he, Pa?"

"No, he should not have spanked you, but under the circumstances, he probably did it because he was so worried about Hoss, and that was your fault."

"No, Pa, it was Adam's fault for flicking water at me. He started it, but he ain't a good sport about it at all."

"Joseph, I want you to go to your room. I want to talk with your brothers, and then I'll be up to talk with you."

"I ain't gonna get another spanking, am I, Pa, cause Adam already made my bottom hurt."

"Go to your room and no more talking." With that, Little Joe headed up the stairs and Ben walked to the washroom where he found Hoss sitting on a bench with a towel wrapped around him and a cup of Hop Sing's tea in his hands. Wearing only a towel, Adam left to get clean clothing for the two of them. Ben sat beside Hoss and asked him about Little Joe's version of what had happened.

"Well, Pa, he got it mostly right except it wasn't Adam flicking water at him, it was me. It was funny to watch him try to catch Adam doing it, and as soon as he wasn't watching, I'd hit him with a couple more drops. It was funny until he called Adam a liar and then pushed Adam in the river, and then I got stuck. It got real scary then, and Adam got real mad at Little Joe for what he done. Pa, I'm sorry. It was all my fault."

"So Adam didn't do what Little Joe said, but Little Joe did call him a liar?"

"Yeah, and I think Adam was more upset at being called a liar than anything else. Little Joe just didn't know when to quit neither. Even when I was puking, he was saying that Adam just got what he deserved. That's when Adam grabbed him and said he should get what he deserved and whupped his behind just a couple of times. It was right on his pants, Pa, so it couldna hurt as much as he's complaining. Then Adam got me up on my horse, and we came right home."

By that time, Adam had returned and assumed that Hoss had told their father everything. Ben turned to him when he realized he was there.

"Is there anything you have to say for yourself?"

"No, there's nothing for me to say."

"You are not Little Joe's father. He is not your responsibility. You should apologize to him for spanking him." Shocked, Adam didn't say anything. "I'll expect that to be done before dinner."

Standing there in his clean shirt and pants but barefoot, Adam looked like a boy in some ways, but there was no way that anyone wouldn't know he was a man. To be addressed this way by his father was not something he was willing to accept. "I am not a boy to be told what to do. I made a decision, and I stand by it. I will not apologize."

"You live in my house, then you follow my rules."

"That can be remedied very easily if you want to force that issue."

Suddenly Ben realized he had wedged himself between two boulders. He was stuck and knew it. He could not force this issue or Adam might just leave. He felt he couldn't back down either. "Then I suppose we'll agree to disagree on this one. But from now on any discipline of Little Joe is my responsibility. You will not discipline him."

"Then do not expect me to be responsible for him either. Any man who had to deal with him the way he was today would likely have done the same. Would you be talking this way to Roy if he had done it? Or to Paul? Or Charlie? Or Hop Sing? Am I the only man that gets talked to like he is a boy?"

"They are all older than you."

"They are all men, and I am a man. I will not accept being treated as a boy."

"Fine, you do not have to be responsible for Little Joe then if you have to get your back up so much about this."

The issue might have been resolved except Little Joe discovered that he could do just about anything to Adam, and he would not retaliate. At ten, Little Joe was starting to feel like he was grown up, but he acted like a child in so many situations. At ten, Adam had hunted, learned to use a variety of weapons, and was ready to help defend his tribe if necessary. Soon after that, he was pulled from the Shoshoni and made to learn white culture all over again. He could not understand the childish behavior of his youngest brother. That fall he volunteered for any task that took him away from the house and his annoying little brother. Hoss was torn because he loved both brothers, and found that on any given day, he had to choose one or the other. More often than not, he chose Adam because he didn't get in trouble when he was with him, and the men treated him with more respect when he was with Adam. Joe began to resent Adam more and more blaming him now too for being able to spend less time with Hoss. Ben saw what was happening and didn't know how to resolve it.

In early November, Adam and Hoss decided to go on a hunt to bring in some wild game. Little Joe wanted to go along but was rebuffed when he asked Adam to take him along. Adam would not even consider it despite Ben asking him to please try to make amends with his little brother.

"I will not be responsible for him and supervise him. That's your job as you pointed out to me very forcefully."

"I know, and I know that I went too far when I said that. Will you please forgive me for that, and consider taking Little Joe along on your hunting trip. He wants to go so badly."

"He's too dangerous to take along with his attitude. He won't listen to me, and he won't listen to Hoss. It would not be safe for us to take him along."

Nodding because in his heart, Ben knew that was probably true, he went inside to tell Little Joe he could not go. The boy had been watching from the window and saw Adam shake his head no so he already knew by the time Ben returned. He was angry and already had determined what he was going to do. That night, he was ready to begin implementing his plan. He had already snuck some food from the kitchen and the smokehouse. As soon as he heard his father go to bed, he slipped down the stairs, grabbed the rifle and some ammunition from the gun cabinet, and headed for the stable. He saddled his horse and walked him away from the stable. Once he was out in the pasture, he mounted up and rode in the direction his brothers had taken that morning. The night was still but cold, and soon Little Joe was feeling the chill. He stopped and made camp after just a couple of hours, but he slept little hearing all the night sounds, and he was not altogether sure where he was.

Two days later, Hoss and Adam rode home with an elk and some wild birds tied on the packhorse. It had been a great hunt for the two of them, and they had spent the evenings talking. The two of them had decided that they would try to teach Little Joe how to handle a rifle that winter. It would give them something to do when they were snowbound, and they knew that Little Joe would be happy to do that with them. Between the two of them, they assumed they could keep the lessons safe. When they rode into the yard, both were dismayed to see Doctor Martin's carriage there. They dismounted and rushed inside to be met by the doctor coming down the stairs. On seeing them, he answered their question before they could ask.

"He'll be fine. He lost some blood, but he's already quite a bit better after just two days. I've recommended another two days in bed so he doesn't pull any stitches loose."

"What happened?" It was a chorus as both Adam and Hoss asked at the same time.

"I think I'm going to let him tell you what happened. He's awake. Go on up to visit." But the two were up the stairs and past him before he finished talking. They got to Ben's room and found the door open with Little Joe sitting on a chair reading. He got up and left the room as soon as he saw them. He looked scared.

"Pa, what happened?"

So Ben told them of finding Little Joe had snuck out during the night, following him, and waking him and getting shot.

"He shot you?"

"He was scared out there all alone, and he had propped the rifle up alongside him. When I startled him to wake him, he pulled the trigger. It went through my arm and grazed my side. Not too serious, but let me tell you, it hurt like heck, and I bled like it was a lot more serious. That really scared him. I was feeling lightheaded by the time we got back and I passed out. That scared him even more. Once Paul got here, he cleaned the wounds up and stitched them. Now he tells me he wants me in bed for two more days so I don't tear any stitches loose and start bleeding again."

"And does Little Joe get away with another one of his stunts?" Adam shook his head.

"Adam, I do not appreciate that tone of voice, and the answer is no. Now I can't do anything about it at the moment, but Little Joe has been told what is going to happen. I want the two of you to go to his room and administer a spanking. Not in anger, but to let him learn a lesson. Ten, no more than ten. Can the two of you handle that?"

"Pa, you want me to help Adam with that?"

"Yes, Hoss, Little Joe has to learn to listen to those who know better and that includes you. So will you please go take care of that. He's been waiting two days for it, and that's almost been good enough."

With a nod, Adam left. He was serious now. This was not a game, and he was determined that it would happen like it would happen if a father disciplined his son. He knocked on Little Joe's door and then opened it. Little Joe was sitting on his bed and grasped the covers to either side of him when he saw Adam in the doorway. He gripped even harder when he saw Hoss walk in behind Adam and he knew what was coming just by the way they looked at him.

"Little Joe, Pa told us what you did."

"Yeah, Punkin, I can't believe you did that cause it was really a bad thing to do. You know why we're here, dontcha?"

Nodding, Little Joe couldn't help the tears that fell.

"Little Joe, Pa said your punishment is ten swats. We'll each do five of them. Now the easiest way is if you cooperate. You know Pa wants us to do this."

"But Adam you don't have to do it. If you told Pa you did, then that's all you have to do."

"Aw, Little Joe, why'd you have to go and do that. You know we have to tell Pa you wanted us to lie. How come you had to make it worse? Adam done told ya the easiest way for this to happen. Couldn't ya just listen once when somebody gives you good advice?"

"But you don't have to go tell him. You know you ain't supposed to snitch."

"Little Joe, do you think our father isn't going to ask us about this? We won't lie for you nor will be cover up anything you do. Now you know how this has to happen."

Finding some common sense finally, Little Joe slid from the bed and leaned over the bed for his punishment. Never having done anything like it before, the two older brothers were probably more gentle than their father would have been because they didn't want to overdo it. When they finished, Little Joe was crying. Adam pulled him up and wrapped an arm around him, and then Hoss was there to do the same. Hoss was crying almost as much as Little Joe.

"How come you're crying, Hoss? I'm the one got spanked."

"It hurt me to have to do that, little brother. Dontcha know it hurts somebody when they got to punish somebody they love?"

"Really? Adam, did it hurt you?"

"Yes, it did, and I'm sure it hurts Pa when he has to do it. You could make his life a lot better by behaving so he doesn't ever have to do this again."

"I'll try, but I don't think I can do forever."

Smiling a little crooked smile, Adam tousled the boy's hair. "No, I don't suppose you could, but if you could manage a few months of good behavior, Hoss and I will teach you how to shoot a rifle."

"You will? When?"

"Two months from now if you're good and Pa says yes."

"Oh, I bet Pa will say yes."

"He would be more inclined to say yes if you behaved well for two months."

"Adam, how long is two months?"

"Sixty days."

"Boy, that's a lot of being good."

"How much do you want to learn how to fire a rifle, safely?"

"Oh, yeah. I get it now. Thank you. And thank you, Hoss. You know now that you're done with the spanking, you don't hit nearly as hard as Pa, and he makes me drop my pants first too."

"We could do it over if you like."

"No, no, you did it just right. I'll try to be good, but, Adam, sometimes I do bad things without thinking they're bad until afterwards. I don't mean to do them. It just happens."

"Well, you need to try to think about that before you do things."

"But I'm not smart like you are."

"Just do your best, Little Joe. Hoss and I are only hoping that you will do your best."

"I promise to try, Adam. I do."

From that day on, Little Joe listened better to his brothers and to Hop Sing as all three had been told they had authority over Little Joe. With respect for his two older sons established, and Little Joe under control, the winter passed relatively smoothly for the family. And although it took more lessons than either Adam or Hoss had expected, by spring, Joe did know how to use a rifle safely. He had made that first big step toward growing up but it would take the whole family to see that he got there in one piece.


End file.
